Wherever you are, and whatever holidays you celebrate, a happy day to you. Just in time, here’s a present: a piece I wrote for the San Francisco Chronicle (published today) about my (unsuccessful) attempt to use the holiday party season as a way to find a new boyfriend. Maybe that doesn’t sound quirkyalone, but hey–quirkyalones look for love too.

Check out the articulate (she sounds articulate, though I can’t understand her language!) Danish publisher Valeria Richter on a Sunday morning talk program, Brunch, talking about the hot-off-the-presses Danish Quirkyalone and the QA movement in Europe. The difference between Denmark and the U.S.: this interview segment is seven minutes; in the U.S. three minutes is long!

Here’s the Danish QA website www.quirkyalone.dk. I just got my copy of the Danish book in the mail; it’s truly a work of art. They did just as good a job with the design in print as they did online. True collectors are advised to purchase one from overseas.

While most of us are getting ready for Christmas, Chrismukkah, Hannukah, or Kwanzaa, here at quirkyalone.net, we’re also thinking ahead to the NEXT big holiday–the fourth annual International Quirkyalone Day on February 14. Here are excerpts from an interview I did for happenmag.com, match.com’s online magazine about love and relationships. I’ll link to it when the piece is published, but here are some of the key facts to build anticipation and plans for celebrations in 2006.

1. How did you get the idea for International Quirkyalone Day?

I noticed there were plenty of anti-Valentine’s Day parties in San Francisco, where I live, and many other cities–parties to drown your sorrows if you’re single, or to say down with romantic love. But there was nothing positive. It’s so easy to focus on what what you’re supposed to have in order to create a perfect life, according to advertisers or television, and think that somehow if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse, or the perfect weight, or shoes, that somehow your life is going to be complete and you’re going to be totally happy.

I was interested in creating a positive alternative on February 14. To celebrate the possibilities people have to be single today–to take your time, be yourself, and enter into romantic relationshps out of desire rather than social or economic obligation. Historically the freedom to be single is new, and it’s especially a powerful development for women who in previous eras really had to marry in order to have any economic security.

It seemed totally natural and logical to make International Quirkyalone Day February 14, to put a positive spin on a day that has historically been a downer for single people. International Quirkyalone Day is not anti-Valentine’s Day. It’s NOT a pity party for single people. It’s an alternative–a feel-good alternative to the marketing barrage of Valentine’s Day and an antidote to the silicone version of love presented in shows such as Hooking Up and The Bachelorette. It celebrates true romance (as opposed to the fake versions presented to us in reality dating shows), independence, creativity, friendship, and all kinds of love–including love for yourself.

2. What sorts of responses have you gotten from people since the first year it was celebrated?
The response has been huge and grows with every year. It grew a LOT with the release of the hardcover Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics in 2004, and we expect it will grow even more this year when the paperback is released.

In 2005, IQD was celebrated in 24 cities: Baton Rouge, Louisiana; Chicago, Illinois; Edwardsville, Illinois; Eldridge, Iowa; Houston, Texas; Las Vegas, Nevada; Los Angeles, California; Lynwood, Washington; Madison, Wisconsin; New Delhi, India; New York, New York; Norristown, Pennsylvania; Oklahoma City, Oklahoma; Ontario, Canada; Owings Mills, Maryland; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; Rock Hill, South Carolina; San Francisco, California; Sedalia, Missouri; St. Paul, Minnesota; Sterling, Colorado; Sydney, Australia; Utica, New York; and Washington, DC. In years past, there have been parties in London, Glasgow, Atlanta, Brooklyn, Manhattan, Albuquerque, and St. Paul. The flagship parties have been in San Francisco and New York.

To check out the 2005 SF party, watch this short movie How to Start Your Own Holiday by me and my friend Kara Herold (who is at work on her own movie, Bachelorette, 34, and this MSNBC clip from “Countdown with Keith Olbermann.”

Last year we played a Quirky Connection dating game with the audience in San Francisco–we play the game in a light, ironic way. You might make a love connection at an IQD party, but you might also find meet a new friend, make a card, sit at the alone-time table, play a party game, or just find someone fun to talk to for the night. We promote a NICE, friendly vibe, as opposed to many parties and bar scenes where strangers are too shy to interact.

What’s cool about Quirkyalone Day is that people celebrate it in their own unique ways. In Eldrige, Iowa, a woman organized a quirkyalone party at her library and invited a minister to come talk about her solo travels throughout the world. In Baton Rouge, a group of quirkyalone friends sang karaoke. North of Seattle, the bookstore manager at Barnes & Noble organized a quirkycrafts party at her store.

Here’s a story about the Eldredge, Iowa IQD party in the heartland: “Jumping on the national Quirkyalone bandwagon, the Scott County Library in Eldridge will be bucking the standard ‘hearts and flowers’ occasion with a special program from 6 to 8 p.m. Pastor Jane Granzow of Calvary Lutheran Church in Buffalo will talk about her world travels. There will be special activities in addition to displays of books geared toward individuals secure in their oneness.”–from The North Scott Press, Scott County’s Weekly #1 News Source

Here are party photos from 2003, 2004, 2005.

3. How do you think Quirkyalone Day has helped people? What need does it fulfill?
The sense of isolation that single people feel on Valentine’s Day can be intense. It’s important to create a space that brings single people together–and not in a desperate, speed-dating, oh-my-god-I-have-to-find-a-mate-way, or in a way that disses the whole concept of romantic love. Just because you’re single, you don’t have to be bitter.

4. What is your main complaint with Valentine’s Day?
Valentine’s Day is a big marketing push to get people (often men) to spend money on expensive objects to prove their love. There’s not a lot of thought or creativity that goes into these purchases, and they whole marketing hoopla creates an environment of insecurity–did I do enough? Did I buy her the right thing? Was our sex sexy enough tonight? Couples are often looking for an alternative to the sickly sweet cliches of Valentine’s Day, and IQD is here for them too.

Quirkyalone Day is an invitation to create a great day for yourself, whatever that means to you (and your partner if you have one and choose to celebrate with him or her). It’s a day to celebrate the things you love to do alone and the things you love to do with your friends. Ways to celebrate include: throwing a dinner party, buying yourself new underwear, rearranging your furniture, taking a long walk without your cell phone, exploring a new part of town, organizing a card-making party, making a new recipe.

5. What would you say to someone who thinks alternatives to Valentine’s Day are for losers?
Everyone goes through single periods, and most everyone will spend a Valentine’s Day single. Why shouldn’t there be a holiday for us too?

6. I like that you include “quirkycouples” too. How much of a
response have you gotten from couples who value their own alone time?
Quirkytogether couples come to IQD parties because it can feel more liberating than traditional, cliche Valentine’s Day activities like a romantic dinner.

7. Any special events planned for 2006 that you’d like to share?
The paperback version of Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics will be released in January 06, so there will be more media attention and the concept will spread. IQD in 2006 should be the biggest yet. People should check on quirkyalone.net for a downloadable party pack and tips on how to throw their own quirkyalone party.

8. Anything else that you’d like to include?
Don’t give in to the prevailing brainwash that you have to be in a relationship to be happy. If you rely on a partner for all your happiness, you won’t be happy when you are partnered up anyway–you’ll be too obsessive and dependent on your partner. Take this February 14 to discover what you uniquely love to do, and create a great day for yourself. One place to start: buy yourself a bunch of daisies. Daisies, being very natural and cheerful, are the official flower of the quirkyalone movement.

9. I’ll need your age and title (however you’d like to be credited)
I’m 32, a writer, editor, and writing teacher, and the founder of the quirkyalone movement. I’m originally from Rhode Island, and I live in San Francisco.

Over the last two years on this website, I’ve hesitated to get too political, knowing that quirkyalones come from all points on the political spectrum. But I am tired of holding back. The issue that is really sparking me is the religious right’s continuing efforts to chisel away access to abortion and contraception. No other issue could be more relevant to QAs: in our 2005 poll, 94% of you said you are in favor of abortion rights.

As Dan Savage and many other commentators have pointed out, the hard-core religious right aren’t just against gays–they’re coming after straights too. They’re against straight sex before marriage and when it’s not linked to procreation. They’d prefer that we don’t even have condoms, and they’re having success limiting women’s access to abortion in a thousand different ways. There’s one abortion clinic in Mississippi and one in South Dakota. There are two in Missouri and two in Arkansas. An excellent profile in the LA Times tells the story of a 70 year old doctor in Arkansas who continues to perform abortions because there’s no one else to take his place: He calls himself an “abortionist” and says, “I am destroying life.” But he also feels he’s giving life: He calls his patients “born again.”

Women like me in San Francisco have access, but women who live in more conservative states don’t. The war over abortion serves both political parties–it’s an effective political organizing tool for both liberals and conservatives. But the real losers are women who don’t have control over their bodies and their futures. Now, controversy is swirling aroung Target, which allows pharmacists to refuse to fill prescriptions for emergency contraception if the pharmacist is morally opposed. What?! What if it’s a Catholic cashier? Does she have the right to refuse to sell condoms?

I want to encourage myself and others who identify with the QA mindset to speak up about choice. Write Target about their emergency contraception policy, and make your voice heard in letters to the editor and in conversations with friends. We can’t afford to be silent on this issue.

It’s always fun to read the words “quirkyalone,” “quirkytogether,” and “quirkyslut” defined in other languages, and now, the Danish book is out in addition to the German version and the Brazilian one is on the way. What’s more, I just got word from Valeria Richter, our fearless Danish publisher, that her supercool Danish quirkyalone website has launched. Check out www.quirkyalone.dk.

Here’s an ode I wrote to Thanksgiving, “Why I Don’t Hate the Holidays,” which appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle, Sunday, November 20, and which I thought I would pass it along to you as you get ready to travel/cook/stuff yourself/or watch football. Whether you are celebrating with family or friends, alone or with a group, I hope that you find a way to make the day special.

In Quirkyalone, I profiled Walt, a professor in Minnesota, whose Thanksgiving ritual involves watching three romantic comedies alone, one always When Harry Met Sally, and cooking himself a big pot of spaghetti and meatballs. For me, the holiday is a chance to reconnect with my family, high school friends, and my native, beloved, kooky state of Rhode Island. There are infinite ways to celebrate the holidays. Don’t buy the hype that the holidays = misery if you are single.

There are more single-resident households now in the U.S. than traditional nuclear family households (defined as two parents living with their biological children). Yep, the Census Bureau confirmed this in an August report, adding that singles especially dominate in cities such as Denver, New York City, San Francisco, and St. Louis. For the full report and stats, go to this Census report. Here’s an LA Times story on the subject, “Home Alone: Households of Singles Go to First in U.S.” quoting yours truly, and a Boulder Daily Camera news story “Living alone now more prevalent than ‘nuclear family.’”