Is it me or is Christian Carter of “Catch Him and Keep Him” the devil?
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Dec 09, 2008 - Written by Sasha Cagen | Filed under: Dating
Have you ever gotten sucked into something that you were also ashamed to read? It happened to me yesterday. I was listlessly checking my email when I noticed a text ad that I must have seen more than 10,000 times. “How to catch and keep a man.” Those ads are as oddly ubiquitous as the text link ads for Acai Berry Wonder Diets, but I always assumed that ads with links like “Why Men Withdraw and What to Do About It” were for women who are more pathetic and malleable than me. Yesterday I joined the masses. And let me tell you. I became sickly fascinated. And angry.
I was vulnerable to that horrible ad because I recently heard something along the lines of “I’m just looking for something casual.” Somehow I find that impossible not to take personally. I clicked on the link–”The Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes Women Make”–and found myself swimming through simple, one-sentence direct-mail style paragraphs, like:
“Have you ever slept with a guy very quickly after meeting him, but as it started to happen you got that sinking feeling in your stomach? You knew it was a mistake, but you did it anyway. And then the thing you KNEW would happen actually happened: He unexplainably disappeared from your life. Honestly, have you ever had this happen?”
Of course, the worst part wasn’t that it happened, but that you KNEW you shouldn’t have done it in the first place… but you did it anyway.
Ummm, who hasn’t?
Christian Carter offers to tell women how to avoid the ten fatal mistakes most women make with men, or how to engage and attract a man right after you meet in person, if you are so good as to enter your credit card number to receive his e-book.
The worst mistake a woman can make is not seeking help. Because men are so hard to understand, and Christian Carter has spent years reading every relationship book ever published, and he has thought deeply about the psychology of men and women when they are dating. And he can help! So sign up and give him your credit card for his e-book at a price of $29.97 and his emails (interviews with relationship and dating experts) at a monthly charge of $19.97. The sickest thing is that for a moment I even considered typing my credit card address, until I awoke from the hallucination and realized it would be hell to get him to stop charging me money. His real name is David DeAngelo, and once I had the wherewithal to do a search-binge on him, I found numerous consumer complaints from women who claimed that he wouldn’t stop charging them after they asked to unsubscribe.
I could see this was a psychological master who knew how to manipulate an audience. The stock trade in any self-help e-book purchase is to tap into the reader’s insecurities and promise you have the long-sought-after answer. In this case, it’s about tapping into woman’s insecurities and confusion over male behavior, with the promise of understanding of learning what’s going on behind the scenes of a man’s mind.
WHEN A MAN SAYS…
“I don’t want a serious relationship right now.”
WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS…
“I ONLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP with a woman who
already has her act together, is attractive,
healthy, independent, easy-going, confident, and
who is emotionally in control of herself and her
own life.. . . without trying to change me or turning our relationship
into MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on my
own.”Does this make sense?
Again, he’s NOT imagining a picture of an
overly-emotional, predictable, needy woman who is
trying to get him to connect with her and sharing
her feelings because she’s so worried about things
“working out.”
In my google-searching, I found a post by this woman, who pretty much summarized his point of view. She’s been reading him for longer than me, so I’ll let her do the heavy lifting of distilling his advice:
One of my friends suggested I register at his website. Since then, I’ve been getting extremely annoying emails about how to “CATCH and KEEP” a man, like he’s a freakin’ trout or something.
Pearls of wisdom have included:
1. Don’t sleep with a guy “too soon” (time frame not included–so just guess)
2. Don’t be “predictable”, or his attraction will magically end (must I be in a different country each time he calls…?)
3. Don’t discuss any emotional issues at all, ever, God forbid, or it’s all over, period
4. Don’t assume that just because you’ve been dating for months you’re in a “relationship” (WTF?)
5. Try to appear at all times to be a)selective b)unemotional c)hard-to-get d)a robot woman
6. In general, subvert any and all natural inclinations you may have as a woman, and pretend like nothing means really anything at all to you, or else any guy, anywhere, will run like the wind from you, because guys can’t stand a woman that harbors an actual emotion that might pertain to said guy.
All the mystery boils down to you, women. The problem is you. You are too emotional. The way to create a great emotional connection with a man is to never burden him with your emotions. It’s hard to imagine exactly what this great emotional connection consists of, except the idea that the man “feels great” when he’s with you, better than when he is single, and you as the woman are not constantly analyzing the relationship.
The whole thing consumed me for about 90 minutes and made me feel sick for several reasons. I’ll admit that my feelings were not altogether rational at the time, but they were a product of being brainwashed by his mind-sucking prose:
1) The feeling that men and women are so irreconcilably different that we can never truly be ourselves with each other; anything that promotes this idea is just depressing. It makes me wonder if pre-industrial societies had it right when men and women didn’t expect their mates to be their best friends, and instead found companionship with same-sex friends
2) The way that women get blamed simply for being women and having some emotional needs to–guess what?–be themselves. According to Carter, men want to be with a “cool girl” and a “cool girl is basically someone who is unpredictable, fun, emotionally balanced, has no insecurities, easygoing, and independent.” Ummm, is this true? Could it be? This marketing campaign is obviously aimed at a very mainstream, middle American audience. Are there really that many men who prefer not to deal with emotions at all?
3) At the same time, I hate sitting around with a group of women complaining that “All men are dogs,” etc. I know men are more complicated than that and that there are men who are out there who really want to connect with other men as friends and women as partners (or men if they are gay). It’s just that reading this stereotypical garbage, combined with the shitty and mystifying ways that some men act, make me and other women feel confused and despairing.
4) The preying on women’s insecurities then taking their credit card numbers for recurring charges. That just sucks. Period. It’s a very profitable enterprise to continually charge people $19.97 a month for emails, especially when you don’t honor their requests to unsubscribe.
Why am I writing about this and even giving this bozo any attention? Because people like him have influence. He seems more powerful than the authors of the Rules, because he’s a man, and supposedly offers an inside view. I am fascinated by how mystified we men and women seem to be with each other. So what is the antidote–ar the antidate to the dating breakdown in communication? I discussed this with one female roommate so far, who was equally horrified and livid when she read his stuff, and one male friend, who said, talk to your male friends. They’re much more similar in mindset to the men you are trying to date. What think you? Is there any validity to his advice and worldview, or is this just garbage? Let the quirkyalone version of this conversation begin in the comments.
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390 Responses to “Is it me or is Christian Carter of “Catch Him and Keep Him” the devil?”
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Are you a quirkyalone?
Quirkyalone: n. adj. a person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and prefers being single to dating for the sake of dating. It’s a mindset. Quirkyalone is not anti-love. It is pro-love. It is not anti-dating. It is anti-compulsory dating. Quirkyalone is a book, a holiday, and a movement. Are you a quirkyalone? Take the quiz and read the original essay to find out.
Just for fun
Isabella
Feb 11, 2012
Don’t confuse “independence” with “I don’t want/need anybody”. Man or woman – you should never “need” someone to the extent that you can’t survive without the other person. That’s co-dependence and it’s unhealthy. It’s draining. Healthy independence is when you WANT to be with someone but your emotional well-being doesn’t DEPEND on it. In a relationship that’s healthy, both people enjoy being together but they can also give each other space whether it’s to hang out with their friends, engage in a hobby, sport, meditate, or do whatever. Alone time gives us the mental and emotional space to see things objectively and to reconnect with ourselves. A sure sign that you’re in a healthy relationship is when you can be in a relationship without losing your Self (in the other person). And YES, you need to be healthy and whole emotionally, mentally and physically and love yourself before you can love another in a healthy way and create a healthy relationship. Healthy Me + Healthy You = Healthy Relationship. If any one of those components is not healthy, it’s like the bad apple that poisons the rest of the batch.
Natalie
Feb 24, 2012
Isabella, my goodness this is some good advice. Too bad you don’t have a book out ;o)
Grange
Apr 12, 2012
Yes, I almost fell into his trap too so thanks for posting yours. I recommend this book (which is not expense, less than $20) it’s called “why men love bitches” by Sherry Argov. She’s hilarious and she has great insight. No “you’re too emotional” crap but basically how to be a (nice, feminine and looking out for your best interests) bitch and succeed in a relationship. Also talks about bad signs to watch out for in men – and how to change their behaviour without getting upset or showing you’re upset. I’ve been trying out her tips and, not bad at all!
I have no affiliation with the book, just thought I’d recommend. Good luck!
Toonces
Feb 12, 2012
Fcuk this I am getting another cat instead.
Jess
Mar 09, 2012
I love this comment – even though I don’t like cats. Make me meow with laughter
elle
Feb 14, 2012
Too funny … as I’ve been recieving and reading these emails… even though I like the lady that wrote the article could see that all it boiled down too was placing pressure on a woman to put the man’s needs first, totally forgetting and placing no importance on how she really feels.. I did get a bit brainwashed and even considered signing up!
Thank God I stumbled across this.. brought me back to my senses with a crash..
Every woman deserves to be with someone who will think about how they feel and want to make them happy without the woman having to be something she is not.. if its not working out that way.. unfortunately there isn’t any amount of work or playing games that you can do.. just cut your losses move on.. if a guy is interested he will let you know.. that is the bottom line.
& if you really look into this Christian Carter stuff, in the end that’s what he advises, go off be yourself, have your own life, be the person you were before you became consumed with the said person and he says your man will like you better for that.. hahaha isn’t that moving on?
So after all the brainwashing, confusing stuff it all ends in what we all know we should have done in the first place!
josh
Mar 08, 2012
What if that’s what I do? I let her know that love her for her and don’t want her any other way. I tell her that she is Beautiful and that I Love Her everyday. I am interested and supportive in every way that I can, but she still seems to resist for no reason. Sometimes it’s great and we get along, but other times she’s thinking about everything in a negative/unsure way. Plus she’s having trouble letting go of her past. Do you have any good ideas for me? I am sooo lost and just want to Love this amazing woman.
Maria
Apr 16, 2012
Give her less attention. Tell her to go to therapy. Or stay away while she is pms’ing.
Maize
Feb 14, 2012
I think it is funny that you think he is the devil. I have a different perspective in that I believe, sure he is making money off what he advises and says…well, people have to make a living and this is how he does it with some actually good advise. What I have gleaned not just from him, but from many “relationship” coaches, bc I set out for a different perspective after a divorce….is that really he is articulating the many differences between men and women and how we think differently. There are zillions of books on this very subject many written by women that say exactly the same thing…….he makes money, as do all the ppl that have written books and to reiterate what the person said just above me….that is basically what it boils down to, have no expectations, don’t be a insta girlfriend, don’t have sex until you are ready but just bc you think you are in a relationship does not mean you are, so buyer beware, have a life, be yourself…not don’t be yourself just think differently etc….on and on……my point is, he is not the only one saying these exact same things and he in no way encourages you to not talk about your emotions, he explains why men are not wired to do so……so, if that is what your reader took away, I am sorry to say I think she missed the point entirely. I have a male mentor, whom I adore….and I can say with conviction, he echoes most of what Mr Carter does, he just does not make any money off of it. Even though I am lucky to have him, I have paid foe some of Christians program, as well as, many books etc….bc the subject fascinates me and bc yes, it does offer a different perspective than we, as women have and how things should be.
J.Kane
Mar 25, 2012
I agree with you, I think. I have read all the e-mails sent so far and have found them enlightening, up to a point. I am exploring this site because I was interested to know if Christian Carter is even a real person and, if so, who? Thanks to one person’s comments I have found answer to this question. Apparently he is! Someone called David de Angelo. I shall go and Google that, now. Thanks y’all.
Dolly
Apr 15, 2012
All I know is that after over 20 years of dating/relationship disasters, repeating a similar painful pattern over and over, I did reach out, subscribed and read. This started me on a transformational journey from what I now realise was a needy, desperate lonely woman, to a confident, outgoing siren with her act together. And I have learned to truly love men for the wonderful, vulnerable adorable beings they are, while at the same time loving myself, and actually putting ME first..
The questions asked above are answered in his books and CDs, if you are prepared to invest in yourself instead of staying as your are, getting hurt and wingeing about how all men are ******,
And as for his charges, well he has to make a living too and is using his talen to do so. He has invested in himself and learned stuff, and is now sharing it with us. And I had no problem unsubscribing, on several occasions.
Good luck!
Carol
Feb 14, 2012
Thank you for posting this. I had to call and cancel our Visa to keep this scammer out of our account.
alicia
Feb 18, 2012
how do I get the charges to stop?????
Melinda
Feb 19, 2012
Maize, I coudn’t have said it better. I actually feel more empowered from listening to him than ever. I especially enjoyed the part about immature men and that when dealing with one, don’t settle.
I just received a response to a question that I sent in to him and was very happy with what he said: He asked me if I was with a man or a boy (man boy) and then went on to describe the difference by stating that a real man will not run away or become indifferent or indignant when he is confronted with hard truths about a woman’s frustrations. In fact he went on to say that a real man, while he may show some resistance initially ( deliver is important) will want to know how a woman he cares for and loves feels and want to meet her needs.
Women today are far to ignorant about how to enter a relationship and the emphasis on not sleeping with someone too sooon is WISDOM! GET OVER YOURSELVES LADIES AND REALIZE THAT THERE REALLY IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE SEXES. WANTING EQUALITY IN THE JOB FORCE, AS IN EQUAL PAY, IS ONE THING. BUT INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS ARE AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT FRONTIER.
Wouldn’t you want a man to want to try and understand your uniqueness as female.
Dolly
Apr 15, 2012
I have to comment also on the subject on sleeping with a man.
I know women in successful relationships who have waited a month, and others who slept with a man on the first night.
So I believe the answer is, do what is right for YOU! Go with the flow of what feels good for you and your own life. Don’t ever sleep with a man if you feel insecure, or in order to ‘get’ him. A man will respect you most for being happy, confident and enjoying your life, and if you are a sexual woman getting what you want, hey, he will love you the more for it.
The right time to sleep with a man is when YOU want to!
janet
Feb 20, 2012
Christian Carter and David DeAngelo are not the same person.
Marsha
Feb 22, 2012
Christian Carter and David DeAngelo are definitely NOT the same person.
I don’t think Christian Carter implies to say that women should not show any emotion. Men want to be with women because they are women and able to CLEARLY communicate what is bothering them without getting overly emotional about it. This way they can actually hear what the woman is saying. Most women blame when they are emotional and not realizing it. Saying Something as simple to a man as” you don’t spend enough time with me” is not the same as saying to a man “I would like it if you can spend more time with me because I like being with you and I miss you “. The second sentence does not imply blame.
Christina
Feb 22, 2012
Hey.. anyone who has purchase his program, can you help me??? I really messed up with the guy I am in love with.. (I got the ‘I love you, but I am not in love with you’ response when I told I loved him. ) But, His ACTIONS have a completely different meaning. Calls to check on me all the time, or texts. Holds my hand, cuddles with me. Makes excuses to touch me all the time. So, any of you that might be able to give a girl some free advice… I would forever be grateful. I truly believe he is THE one.. Respects me, my thoughts, opinions, I can be myself around him. We have similar goals, dreams, values….etc…..
Anyone?
Deb
Feb 25, 2012
Sounds as though you’ve got the real deal…does it matter what he calls it? Christian Carter would tell you to relax and stop labelling it! On this, I think I agree with him. Show love and gratitude for what he does give you/does for you and he might change what he calls it! Deb
Melissa
Mar 14, 2012
Hey! I read your comment and had to respond. My experience with men like this (I love you but I’m not in love with you) is that you should take him at his word. He likes being with you, likes the affection, doesn’t want to be alone, but doesn’t necessarily want a permanent relationship. I don’t understand men like this. Their actions can be very misleading. Hope this helps.
Richard
Mar 29, 2012
I am a guy, and I am older, reasonably intelligent, and I have some experience in this sort of thing. So I dont feel afraid to chime in.
Yes its true what was said before; dont confuse dispays of affection for “true love”. Guys (some) like to be affectionate, physical, loving, caring, all those things. Because it feels good to be that way, especially when its reciprocal (which Im guessing it is in your case). Of course it feels good, who wouldnt want that? But that doesnt necessarily equate to wanting a long term commitment with you. These two things can be mutually exclusive in a mans mind. Believe me when I tell you this. I have been on a lot of emotional roller coaster rides. Im smart enough (just barely) to understand what is going on.
Men think “literally”. There is nothing between the lines. I always tell my (lover)? to listen to what I say, not what you think I might have meant by what I did, or what I was implying. Not that it ever works. But if it DID work, things would probably work much more smoothly.
OptimisticChiq
Apr 12, 2012
So what is “true love” then, to men? What makes them want to love a girl truly and deeply beyond ‘displays of affection’?
Amy
Apr 17, 2012
Move on. He just TOLD you he isn’t in love with you. What are you confused about? Have some self-respect. He is not giving you what you want, but he is taking what he wants (YOUR affection, time, companionship, and love). This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be friends, but you certainly need to really LISTEN (which is what more women should do) and not read so much between the lines and actions and move ahead. We all know men can separate their minds/bodies much more than women can and who cares?
Stop asking for advice for something I think you know you already need to do (move on). You’re just looking for reinforcement to stay in a “relationship” with a guy who will dump you when he falls in love with someone else. You want to stick around and feel the pain of that? Sorry to be harsh, but life is too short to be trying to convince someone (or yourself) to be with you.
Good luck.
Big Al
Apr 19, 2012
Girrrrrrl!, you need to flip the switches on this one! Don’t be so available, act a little distant, and show him you don’t need him. Live your life and be happy. If its meant to be, he should be begging to hang out and change his mind. Say you need some time/space to think about things. And think about it! Do you really love this person? Regardless of the outcome, you should live your life as a happy, independent girl:)
Heather
Feb 23, 2012
I want to know if Christian Carter can get my guy to take out the trash.
If he’s such an expert on the male mind, then this should be a no-brainer…
Kayla
Feb 25, 2012
For that you should go to the five love languages honey.
Lisa
Feb 24, 2012
I too was going to “crash” and purchase this e-book but I’m glad I haven’t. I too am having man trouble… who isn’t?!?! My guy whom I have been dating for 3 months is going through a separation (which was decided previous to our meeting one another), selling his home and buying a new home for him and his daughter. Unfortunately due to stress etc, our relationship has somewhat been put on the backburner. I’m trying so hard to be patient but the lack of communication on his part lately is killing me. I don’t want to appear needy and push him away so I was hoping Christian Carter’s book would tell me what NOT to do! I guess I should just go about my life and wait for him to contact me. I know that… but I’m aching to contact him. ARGH!!!!! Any suggestions?
Deb
Feb 25, 2012
Hi Lisa. My take on it is this……If you truly love someone you do not ask or expect them to make you happy…that is a HUGE burden to put onto another human being, Especially when they are already going through the mill. This advice from a dear male friend by the way!
It’s SO hard though when you care for someone. Female nature to be nurturing.
We must not make the mistake of mothering men though. It is patronising. We need to TRUST that they can sort this stuff for themselves. It’s the most respectful thing to do. Busy yourself developing yourself in some way. When you’re waiting for your ship to come in…Do some work on the dock! Deb
Krissy Fit
Feb 29, 2012
I disagree, co-dependent is healthy, and there are many relationships and marriages where the couples spend most of their time together and don’t need space from one another and are emotionally dependent, that is called love, sorry for those of you who have never experienced that.
Melissa
Apr 09, 2012
Krissy – you’re confusing co-dependence for interdependence. Co-dependency is NOT healthy. If all you become is the other person, when that other person is no longer there (for whatever reason), then what are you? Nothing. And that’s why it’s not healthy. One must maintain one’s Self before one can truly love and be in a healthy relationship with another.
Kelly
Feb 29, 2012
Chris Carter is just another self-help guru like Men are From Mars and Women are from Venus. Ultimately, he and all these other self-help gurus, can make a quick buck. Plenty of women apply similar principles to what Chris Carter is preaching, but guess what they go by the “book” of their religion. Every religion and place of worship out there now gives clear guidelines for couples who are dating and courtship. You have to ask yourself some other questions. Do you want to raise children in such a selfish marriage? In the religious way of thinking, at least you’re sacrificing self for a greater power, one, hopefully, in the Chirstian and Jewish traditions, which is based on unselfish love. It seems to me, that a lot of these self-help gurus, are incredibly selfish, and so are the women who read them, because, ultimately, everyone’s focus is on me me me. That so called independence is a myth. If you’re going to be in a relationship that’s intimate, and be married, or long-term, and grow old with someone, you’re going to face a lot of important decisions together. Especially if you plan on having kids together. A lot of people in these kinds fo realtionships are in them for the social status of saying they have a “someone.” If you want to be with the kind of man who can’t be emotionally responsible and responsive enough to handle his own emotions, guess what, he can’t handle yours, either. I think good old Amy Alkon, advice goddess, has a lot of humorous things to say on men’s realities from a secular standpoint, if religion isn’t your game, and she’s very realistic. How many of you women reading these things have college degrees or at least high school English where you learned higher and constructive criticism? Use the same kind of thinking to deal with the bull shit out there, ladies. Because that’s what it is, bullshit, pure and simple, especially about the whole “Work is equal pay, but intimate life isn’t that way” SeriouslY? If women are really not in spritually egalatarian relationships where thye can express themselves about men the way men express themselves about women, you’re gonna lose, ladies, every single time. Stop dealing with the bullshit emotional bureaucracies built by any “expert” and think for yourself and take time to actually get to know men, and have men friends in your life. If what you wanna here is some guru mentor male expert guide your whole life, it’snot you, guiding it. You want to listen to one guy, when there is a whole history of what’s been going on between the sexes and scholars and the social sciences have great articles about on Google scholar that you’re smart enough to read, but are to lazy too, because Carter’s it, and people’s like his is easy mindless zombie nonsense. Try being a little more Rosie the RIveter. Put some muscle into it, gals! Put some fight in your spirit. Otherwise you’ll get just this — and so will your daughters, and your sons.
Ruby
Mar 23, 2012
“If women are really not in spritually egalatarian relationships where thye can express themselves about men the way men express themselves about women, you’re gonna lose, ladies, every single time. ”
That’s exactly it. Christian Carter’s advice boils down to, “don’t be yourself, be the fantasy person that you think HE will want you to be.”
How is anybody going to sustain that?
J.Kane
Mar 25, 2012
I think that some men, even when with a woman they care about, just want to still keep their options open, sometimes what they need to feel good is having you admit to deep feelings for them whilst withholding any confirmation of theirs for you. Never forget the often over-riding factor of the male ego in all this! Note how much emphasis there is in Christian Carter about the man’s constant need to feel good (i.e. about himself) and the implied responsibility the woman has to provide this “service” for him. And the “unpredictability” thing is just another way of saying that she is also supposed to entertain him all the time as though he really were a baby! Men! Pshaw!
Juliet Montague
Mar 03, 2012
Christians advice can be summarized in one sentence:
Do a great blow job and never complain!
The Year I Learned to Text; Why Am I Sleeping Wtih a Muslim in my Basement? the romantic, bawdy novel tells you all you need to know about how to attract a bad boy!
Veris
Mar 04, 2012
Krissy, you are right but only to a point. I think it is in the words you used. My parents are the most dysfunctional, functional couple I know. What I noticed is that as dysfunctional as my parents are they end up doing as Deb says in the end. Mom nags then eventually realizes she can’t change Dad and goes about making herself happy until Dad joins in. Dad is more on top of this but it works out the same way. There is a clear distinct difference between being a team/partners, depending and contributing to each other, and the negative being Codependent. Codependent means I can’t be happy unless you are. I won’t take care of myself because I’m too overwhelmed taking care of you. Codependent is like having a Life Guard try to save you while not being able to swim. A Codependent person is the one that doesn’t listen to the safety instructions the Flight Attendant gives and suffocates while trying to put an oxygen mask on someone else first. Team/partnership means we both put out the fire when the house is burning and therefore have a better chance than alone for example. I’ve had both types relationships so, yes, it means being vunerable and risking hurt and pain of losing that special someone. It does mean working at it and, it is so worth it! Deb’s comments are most sensible.
mm
Mar 06, 2012
It is interesting to read all these comments. Many of the “complaints” about difficulties between women and men sound similar to what gay and lesbian couples express about problems in their relationships.
Could it be, that while men have some similarities, i.e., genitalia and socialization, they are also unique individuals encountering the same thing in women? It’s just a thought.
I’ve seen all kinds of couples in my profession, and what seems to differentiate the “successful” couples are a few simple things: 1) Mutual respect: they talk nicely to and about each other; 2) Mutual acceptance: they understand they are not with “Mr. or Ms. Perfect” and that’s quite all right; 3) Mutual fairness: they agree to disagree, to “live and let live” on the non-essentials of their relationship, and when they do fight, they stay on the issue rather than re-focus by attacking the other as an inadequate person.
It’s relationship, not rocket science. All successful relationships require commitment and communication. Even so, there is always the risk that sometimes, even long standing ones between two good people in their own right, can falter and fail. We are just that human.
Anyone who mystifies it does so for their own gain. Christian Carter may not be quite the devil itself, should such an entity exist, but “charlatan” would surely suffice.
Kayleen
Mar 09, 2012
Well well, here I was have been looking an dlistening to all the trails this guy puts into my inbox. Last week-end when I was rejected by a guy I decided to google Christian and sign up. Like the lady who wrote the article I realised I would be signing my credit card away to a monthly costeven after I had done ‘the purchase’. The excuse for the break up was that I am too dominant. Isn’t it amazing when you tell a guy that what he has done is not in your line of thinking an dcould he please not do that again is being too dominant. Boy or boy he has no idea.
kimi
Mar 13, 2012
lol i just got done listening to what he had to say.. came upon it by accident and then i was like man i dont have a credit card so i typed in catch (blah blah blah..) to see if i could get more.. then this link came up and i was like hahahahahahah devil… and now that i read what you said.. i feel better about myself knoing i already got the tools and nothings wrong with me.. thank you!!
Krissy Fit
Mar 17, 2012
Veris, that may be so, but I still want that and wont settle for anything less, even if it means the only man I will have for the rest of my life is my cat. I think anything that is as great enough as having the love of your life and both depending on one another (co-dependent) there is a change of being hurt, but it is worth the risk.
ryen
Mar 17, 2012
christian carters book is amazing, and they are not the same perso you need to de better research. I used his advice and i have been with my current fiance for 2 years
Ruby
Mar 23, 2012
Christian Carter is accurately portraying how to catch and keep an average man who expects all of the male privilege that society tells him he deserves. Find someone who likes you for you, cares about who you are and what you think. I know a lot of men who are just like what this guy describes- I can’t imagine being attracted to any of them! It’s one thing not to be too needy, etc., but pretending to be his fantasy while asking for nothing for yourself is NOT going to get you the relationship you want in the long run. It is going to get you stuck acting in the role CC describes as long as you want to keep the person around. Men who can’t handle a woman who speaks relatively freely are not men at all.
Jeff
Mar 24, 2012
Ladies,ladies, ladies……The author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus was married at least 3 times…..perhaps 4.
Question #1 about this guy is not how many woman has he had fall in love with him – the number #1 question is …. how long has this guy been married…..and questions #2 is …….. how good of a husband is he?
I can give you just 2 rules that will enable you to catch the man of dreams.
Rule #1 – keep your knickers on……….wars have been fought by men to “win” the spoils that you control. If you want a faithful husband keep it away from him until he marries you and then never say no another day in your life…..well except for your normal monthly cycle……
Rule #2 – “be healthy from the inside out”. Remember this; 2 halves do not make a whole….2 wholes make a marriage that will last. Some people say that I will meet you half way, it is a 50/50 proposition……..that is a lie. It is when both people say “I will do whatever it takes to make this thing work”. And for this to happen you need to be “whole”. Don’t look for a man to make you whole, and don’t try to “fix” a man. Men can not be fixed…..they are fine – you are fine…….
Get those 2 things right – and you will have the ingredients for a long lasting relationship……
Married 28 years……married off 2 of 4 children ( 2 boys and 2 girls ) 1 son and 1 daughter married. The other 2 still in school.
Dolly
Apr 15, 2012
Jeff, Jeff, Jeff….
What a contradiction!
Rule #1 Take your knickers off when you want to take them off, and DEFINITELY way before you commit to anything! You need to know everything is right first. and never use sex to control a man. Leave him to stay with you as long as he wants to and go whenever he wants…..he will stay. Men HATE being trapped. Oh and this rule applies to women too! Why stay with someone who turns out to be wrong for you?
Rule#2 I totally agree Jeff, be a whole person, nto a half of a couple.
People who marry/commit more than once do so because they are exercising free will and honouring themselves when something isn’t working. Why stick and work at something that makes you miserable?
Nickie
Mar 26, 2012
in some parts of the world we have been nurtured to understand that we are animals just like other animals or should i say mammals..well we can not sleep with our immediate family members, but we are just that “animals”..in my country when you get married as a woman you are told that a man is an axe and somebody might not be having their own axe n can make use of yours someday. you are told that when a man comes home late you should not ask him where he has been, similarly he should not dare ask you who was around with you when he was away..what you do not kno wont hurt u i guess (and to ensure that, i tell my boyfriend to condomise if a need arises)
another thing if you are dealing with a man around your be prepared to forgive 777^777,,,otherwise get this fact mumtaz mahal was 35years younger than emperor sha jahan..n he loved her more than anythn..so maybe get n older guy who is already tired of watching girls passing by,,
Nickie
Mar 26, 2012
in some parts of the world we have been nurtured to understand that we are animals just like other animals or should i say mammals..well we can not sleep with our immediate family members, but we are just that “animals”..in my country when you get married as a woman you are told that a man is an axe and somebody might not be having their own axe n can make use of yours someday. you are told that when a man comes home late you should not ask him where he has been, similarly he should not dare ask you who was around with you when he was away..what you do not kno wont hurt u i guess (and to ensure that, i tell my boyfriend to condomise if a need arises)
another thing if you are dealing with a man around your age be prepared to forgive 777^777,,,otherwise get this fact mumtaz mahal was 35years younger than emperor sha jahan..n he loved her more than anything and more than all his other wives..so maybe get n older guy who is already tired of watching girls passing by,,
Shmeggs
Mar 28, 2012
AMEN JEFF! Although I must say The 5 Languages of Love, written by Gary Chapman, gives great perspective on how people send and receive love.
Not that there isn’t a ton of great perspective and its all about everyone’s own opinion on all this dating babel BS…. Be yourself, have a life or a job or a hobby, even better a career (career can be many things), stop over thinking EVERYTHING, and leave the drama at the door and BE selective, don’t settle.
Seriously ladies its not that hard, and remember Eve was GOD’S gift to Adam……. Ladies we are God’s gift to man……..
isabelle
Mar 28, 2012
This article has just saved me a lot of money! I also found myself brainwashed into the crap ‘Christian Carter’ writes, thankfully I snapped out of it!
cog
Mar 30, 2012
Well in my many years here on earth, I found that
either you get a man/woman that lasts or you don’t. And guess what, it all depends on if you stay with each other, it’s as simple as that. You can analyze all you want, read all the books that you want, do what ever you want to make it work or find some one, but it just comes down to if they stay or not. If your a woman/man who is always getting dumped, it’s because your haven’t found the person who will stay with you. It’s not about what your doing. I have seen people do some weird junk, f-up stuff, dangerous stuff, disrespectful sht, you name it and the person they were with still stuck with them and NEVER left. It wasn’t about what they did or how they looked or what they had or anything you could name, it was about who they were, and many of them were highly emotional(some on medication, not in good health, drinking problems, drug problems, bipolar, had others mens babies. etc. ect. GET IT! they were the person they wanted to be with. You CAN’T predict the heart, no one can. Any of that relationship help crap may work for a while but it’s like the sands in an hour glass it runs out eventually and your right back where you started but only more confused. Only the heart knows who it really wants. Take my advise just live your life and don’t worry about finding someone, find yourself first, invest in yourself first, along the way or when you least expect it love will happen.
Ok attention WOMEN. A man will stay or he won’t there is nothing you can do to make him stay or be faithful, it must be a way that is within him or a way that he strives to be – Yes this is rare – so beware that you may have to compromise yourself sometimes to keep or get a man, BUT it will not KEEP him forever, unless he loves you and his heart belongs to you, and you never know unless he stays and years later he is still there and your staring at each other wrinkly faces. So stop throwing open your legs all the time unless that is what you really want to do, BUT UNDERSTAND it will not keep the man, GET PREGNANT nope that won’t keep him either, threaten to kill yourself naw won’t work either,
nothing will work unless he is in love with you- GET IT! INLOVE WITH YOU. How will you know, well the thing is, that you will NEVER be able to tell unless he stays, (also all the f-up people I described above were mostly women and their men stayed with them)
The only exception to this is when money is involved the person may stay (lol)
Marypoppings
Apr 16, 2012
Thanks for the wise advice.
I think I have come to this conclusion myself.
Find yourself first, and stop looking. I’m in no rush! I still want to be that influential latin actress that many latin americans can identify with. He will be around when i’m ready.
Tommi
Mar 30, 2012
I just finished leaving an email on this guy’s website telling him that I’m offended at the way he talks “at” women like we’re defective and need to improve and change ourselves to be acceptable to a man. I asked him what he’s doing to get men to better understand women. I guess he’d be really hard-pressed to do that.
Heather
Apr 08, 2012
I think Christian Carter is so HOT, there is no way he could have ever concerned himself with a woman’s needs. His demeanor says, sweet, undersatanding and even a bit insecure, at times (on the video clips) but his model good looks, say “I can have any lady I want”. I was also tempted to sign up and read more but I am suspicious of sites that don’t utilize paypal. Glad I came to my senses either way. By the way the video series is $250.00
OptimisticChiq
Apr 12, 2012
I downloaded torrents of his audio books AND read his e-book online out of curiosity.. Hahah read what he had to say for free. I stopped listening and reading when I realized I didn’t need to hear any of those.. I’ll speak my mind and from the heart when I want to thankyouverymuch.
OptimisticChiq
Apr 13, 2012
Well, lookie here:
http://www.chancebarnett.com/about-me/
Christian Carter’s real name is Chance Barnett, he has little background in psychology and relationships and is an expert in taking your money.
Allison
Apr 15, 2012
My, oh my… Thank you so much for finding and providing the link to that info. The most telling thing about it is that he refers to the catch him and keep him website and the Christian Carter persona as a marketing tool directed at female consumers that have earned him millions of dollars. There’s no mention of helping others or improving our understanding of each other or any other minutely altruistic intentions. It’s clearly just a huge money making machine… Any man who preys on women’s insecurities as a way o line his own pockets isn’t someone from whom I’m inclined to take dating/life advice.
Marypoppings
Apr 16, 2012
I want to know if Christian Carter is actually married. Anyone know?
Ems
May 03, 2012
What an exploitative cnt. I suggest any vulnerable woman he’s creamed profits out of at her most lowest ebb should go and facebook bomb his page as linked above.
Linda
May 05, 2012
To stop receiving shipments, go to the bottom of his home page, click on ‘contact us’ and it will give you several options for cancellations. Make your choice and you will receive a notice via your email that you have unsubscribed.
I actually found the information from Christian carter to be helpful. Guys don’t like ‘drama’ because their brains are not wired like women. It is confusing to them. We can multitask because we literally use both sides of our brains, whereas men ’s brains are designed to focus intently on one subject at a time…… Which makes them excellent for the task ( whatever that is at the time) at hand. That’s why men and women need each other. An excellent readable source for this information is found in Men Are like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti. Carter, I believe, has found an excellent target market using his economic/biology background (see the Chance Barnett website listed above) to help women AND fill a market niche.
I know nothing of his personal life, but when I was able to get past the ‘Why do WE have to be the ones to do everything?’ attitude, I found that the simple suggestions really did work. Men really do enjoy a confident, independent woman!! It is very attractive to them!!!
I view the information available thru Carter’s newsletters/book as practical ‘tools’ that not meant to demean women, but provide explanation and options.
akat
May 08, 2012
The best reason for Christian Carter may be this blog site. Both hilarious and enlightening! Reading through it may be the best cure there is for the relationship blues. The people have spoken – thank you one and all!