Is it me or is Christian Carter of “Catch Him and Keep Him” the devil?
- Share:
Dec 09, 2008 - Written by Sasha Cagen | Filed under: Dating
Have you ever gotten sucked into something that you were also ashamed to read? It happened to me yesterday. I was listlessly checking my email when I noticed a text ad that I must have seen more than 10,000 times. “How to catch and keep a man.” Those ads are as oddly ubiquitous as the text link ads for Acai Berry Wonder Diets, but I always assumed that ads with links like “Why Men Withdraw and What to Do About It” were for women who are more pathetic and malleable than me. Yesterday I joined the masses. And let me tell you. I became sickly fascinated. And angry.
I was vulnerable to that horrible ad because I recently heard something along the lines of “I’m just looking for something casual.” Somehow I find that impossible not to take personally. I clicked on the link–”The Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes Women Make”–and found myself swimming through simple, one-sentence direct-mail style paragraphs, like:
“Have you ever slept with a guy very quickly after meeting him, but as it started to happen you got that sinking feeling in your stomach? You knew it was a mistake, but you did it anyway. And then the thing you KNEW would happen actually happened: He unexplainably disappeared from your life. Honestly, have you ever had this happen?”
Of course, the worst part wasn’t that it happened, but that you KNEW you shouldn’t have done it in the first place… but you did it anyway.
Ummm, who hasn’t?
Christian Carter offers to tell women how to avoid the ten fatal mistakes most women make with men, or how to engage and attract a man right after you meet in person, if you are so good as to enter your credit card number to receive his e-book.
The worst mistake a woman can make is not seeking help. Because men are so hard to understand, and Christian Carter has spent years reading every relationship book ever published, and he has thought deeply about the psychology of men and women when they are dating. And he can help! So sign up and give him your credit card for his e-book at a price of $29.97 and his emails (interviews with relationship and dating experts) at a monthly charge of $19.97. The sickest thing is that for a moment I even considered typing my credit card address, until I awoke from the hallucination and realized it would be hell to get him to stop charging me money. His real name is David DeAngelo, and once I had the wherewithal to do a search-binge on him, I found numerous consumer complaints from women who claimed that he wouldn’t stop charging them after they asked to unsubscribe.
I could see this was a psychological master who knew how to manipulate an audience. The stock trade in any self-help e-book purchase is to tap into the reader’s insecurities and promise you have the long-sought-after answer. In this case, it’s about tapping into woman’s insecurities and confusion over male behavior, with the promise of understanding of learning what’s going on behind the scenes of a man’s mind.
WHEN A MAN SAYS…
“I don’t want a serious relationship right now.”
WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS…
“I ONLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP with a woman who
already has her act together, is attractive,
healthy, independent, easy-going, confident, and
who is emotionally in control of herself and her
own life.. . . without trying to change me or turning our relationship
into MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on my
own.”Does this make sense?
Again, he’s NOT imagining a picture of an
overly-emotional, predictable, needy woman who is
trying to get him to connect with her and sharing
her feelings because she’s so worried about things
“working out.”
In my google-searching, I found a post by this woman, who pretty much summarized his point of view. She’s been reading him for longer than me, so I’ll let her do the heavy lifting of distilling his advice:
One of my friends suggested I register at his website. Since then, I’ve been getting extremely annoying emails about how to “CATCH and KEEP” a man, like he’s a freakin’ trout or something.
Pearls of wisdom have included:
1. Don’t sleep with a guy “too soon” (time frame not included–so just guess)
2. Don’t be “predictable”, or his attraction will magically end (must I be in a different country each time he calls…?)
3. Don’t discuss any emotional issues at all, ever, God forbid, or it’s all over, period
4. Don’t assume that just because you’ve been dating for months you’re in a “relationship” (WTF?)
5. Try to appear at all times to be a)selective b)unemotional c)hard-to-get d)a robot woman
6. In general, subvert any and all natural inclinations you may have as a woman, and pretend like nothing means really anything at all to you, or else any guy, anywhere, will run like the wind from you, because guys can’t stand a woman that harbors an actual emotion that might pertain to said guy.
All the mystery boils down to you, women. The problem is you. You are too emotional. The way to create a great emotional connection with a man is to never burden him with your emotions. It’s hard to imagine exactly what this great emotional connection consists of, except the idea that the man “feels great” when he’s with you, better than when he is single, and you as the woman are not constantly analyzing the relationship.
The whole thing consumed me for about 90 minutes and made me feel sick for several reasons. I’ll admit that my feelings were not altogether rational at the time, but they were a product of being brainwashed by his mind-sucking prose:
1) The feeling that men and women are so irreconcilably different that we can never truly be ourselves with each other; anything that promotes this idea is just depressing. It makes me wonder if pre-industrial societies had it right when men and women didn’t expect their mates to be their best friends, and instead found companionship with same-sex friends
2) The way that women get blamed simply for being women and having some emotional needs to–guess what?–be themselves. According to Carter, men want to be with a “cool girl” and a “cool girl is basically someone who is unpredictable, fun, emotionally balanced, has no insecurities, easygoing, and independent.” Ummm, is this true? Could it be? This marketing campaign is obviously aimed at a very mainstream, middle American audience. Are there really that many men who prefer not to deal with emotions at all?
3) At the same time, I hate sitting around with a group of women complaining that “All men are dogs,” etc. I know men are more complicated than that and that there are men who are out there who really want to connect with other men as friends and women as partners (or men if they are gay). It’s just that reading this stereotypical garbage, combined with the shitty and mystifying ways that some men act, make me and other women feel confused and despairing.
4) The preying on women’s insecurities then taking their credit card numbers for recurring charges. That just sucks. Period. It’s a very profitable enterprise to continually charge people $19.97 a month for emails, especially when you don’t honor their requests to unsubscribe.
Why am I writing about this and even giving this bozo any attention? Because people like him have influence. He seems more powerful than the authors of the Rules, because he’s a man, and supposedly offers an inside view. I am fascinated by how mystified we men and women seem to be with each other. So what is the antidote–ar the antidate to the dating breakdown in communication? I discussed this with one female roommate so far, who was equally horrified and livid when she read his stuff, and one male friend, who said, talk to your male friends. They’re much more similar in mindset to the men you are trying to date. What think you? Is there any validity to his advice and worldview, or is this just garbage? Let the quirkyalone version of this conversation begin in the comments.
No related posts.
316 Responses to “Is it me or is Christian Carter of “Catch Him and Keep Him” the devil?”
Leave a Reply
Are you a quirkyalone?
Quirkyalone: n. adj. a person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and prefers being single to dating for the sake of dating. It’s a mindset. Quirkyalone is not anti-love. It is pro-love. It is not anti-dating. It is anti-compulsory dating. Quirkyalone is a book, a holiday, and a movement. Are you a quirkyalone? Take the quiz and read the original essay to find out.
Just for fun
GRAMMATICAL
Dec 20, 2011
Yes! He should definately write about what MEN DO WRONG!!! ….. OH YEAH I BET HE PROBABLY NEVER CONSIDERED SUCH AN IDEA.
HONESTLY BASED ON “BEHAVIOR FACTS”
MEN SHOULD BE CALLED WOMEN && WOMEN SHOULD BE CALLED MEN, BECAUSE MEN CLAIM TO BE REAL && THE FOUNDATION OF MAN KIND, BUT WOMEN KEEP THE WORLD MOVING FORWARD && HOLD FAMILIES DOWN.
MEN ON THE OTHER HAND JUST GIVE UP && LIES TO THEMSELVES THEY CAN’T HANDLE TRUTH, MEN BASICALLY ARE POINTLESS … THEY SHOULD SELL THEIR REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS && CALL IT A NIGHT SINCE THAT’S THE ONLY IMPORTANCE THEY SERVE.
Holly
Jan 10, 2012
Good luck finding Mr. Right if you think he should sell his organs. I highly recommend the book Radical Forgiveness!!! PS. De Angelo IS all she says IMHO.
Wendy
Dec 27, 2011
Thank you so much for writing this! I almost gave this idiot my credit card but I had that “gut feeling” something just wasn’t right about it. I decided to google him and found your article. He seriously has female issues to contend with in his own head. He wants women to believe we have so many emotional problems etc. and we alone are to blame for not having a fullfilling relationship. MANIPULATION BS at it’s best because he knows women want to be liked, loved and wanted. He is making a living using our own insecurities against us. What an A**hole!!
piper
Dec 28, 2011
I first heard of this guy through another Charlatan, named Rorie – honestly, I cannot even recall her last name, but, I was fool enough to pay for her CDs to “Get the Relationship you want”. Anyway, “Christian” , in his interview on the CD gave the advice that if a girl thumb wrestles or arm wrestles with a guy, that she will have him enthralled with her… I was just getting over someone, and I was ilke “what??” . It all seemed so weird. I grew up with brothers, and I know how to act around guys. Also, I have had several very good relationships, probably more than “Christian”. Seriously, these people are on the internet to take peoples money. Please everyone – BEWARE & DON’T FALL FOR IT! – even if you have broken heart or you are looking for your soul mate… These people are predatory and really greedy and disgusting. I just hate the thought of some good hearted person taking stock in this barrel of monkeys!
sam
Jan 03, 2012
i like your outlook.
I heard Maurice Sendak say in an interview that he thinks that woman are infinitely more complicated than men. this is interesting to me because he is also gay. Both sexes seem mystified by the other. Both sexes seem to be plagued with preditary an manipulative members. I think it’s important to remember that we should not in the name of superiority, generalize about the villainous intentions of man or woman and that we should talk to our friend of both sexes, especially those who are not hateful
mary89
Dec 28, 2011
Thanks for the post. Something about the look of the author told me to stay away. My sense is when a man can cry like a woman they are fully human and when a woman give up their need for emotional-physical survival on man and develop their own sense of whole self from inner spiritual work there can be relationship at the soul mate level that all women and men are seeking. Emotional awareness is a must in any communication. Healing ones’s own wounds and filling up emotional holes is a work each need to do on her own. Then magic happens! Love you all.
Tina
Feb 01, 2012
This is exactly true. My first instinct of him left me calling him all names such as how dare he. Blaming women for everything. Nobody is faultless in a relationship gone wrong. I felt he wasn’t being fair. But he sucked me in all the same and i almost bought his ebook. I felt really sad actually after just having fallen in love and leaving a guy for Australia for a years travel to find myself and better myself. He didn’t want to commit and left me very confused after 9 mths of seeing each other. I couldn’t ask him to wait, it was for him to offer. He is the closest the right one i have found but after being gone for only a week he’s hooked up with someone else. But men aren’t needy apparently!!!!!
I know i have got a lot of work to do on myself hence why i left a country i was familiar with to do it. But this guy certainly knows how to make a woman feel rubbish. The key to life is to learn as you live through experiences which is what i have done with many mistakes and sure to make many more. My time will come soon and if it doesn’t i have found an inner strength within my work and i can always get another dog!!! Hahaha
Good luck girls and ladies keep strong keep smiling and love will find us all. And we’ll be thinking what on earth was i thinking nearly buying that book
Debbi
Feb 01, 2012
I couldn’t have said it any better myself!! What an awesome and very true comment, thanks!
Kathleen Trice Jenkins
Dec 28, 2011
I’m glad to you wrote this review because I was curious! The moment I realize you had to pull out the credit card, it was going to be ending up as a scam.
Margaret
Dec 28, 2011
I am another one of the lucky ones. I was having fun researching Christmas Carols to update the my book when I saw some fun quizzes. I found out that I am a wizard at kissing and flirting! Then I saw that lure: How to keep your man. Although I am married, I am not in a relationship! My husband has rediscovered his love and passion for his first wife and asked me for a divorce. I said sure. We are great roommates now but the circumstances made me open to the idea Christian Carter was offering.
After reading this article I knew that I had avoided yet another scam!!! Thank you for taking the time not only to express yourself but to do so after researching the data! Great Job!
Marcus
Dec 28, 2011
Dot listen to these bitter, angry moronic women on this site. The fact that quirkyalone is researching relationship advice online should give you the clue that she is not quirkyalone, but angry alone! Men and Women have fundamental differences that if you ignore or choose to write off you will remain alone. Instead of creating cute buzz-words for your particular state of loneliness, admit that you have been hurt like everyone else and have to deal with it in your own way. Some choose to have a positive outlook and be daring and try new things. Others make blog pages to lure boring, lame, negative, overweight, selfish people into their emotional quagmire. If you spent half as much time improving yourselves as you do posting anonymously for no one to read, you would be happy whether there was a man in your life or not.
Dori
Jan 05, 2012
@Marcus- you are obviously one of those bitter guys who hate it when a real woman comes into your realm. You want a Barbie doll who doesn’t think for herself and giggles @ your tastless jokes. I for one am a REAL woman. I am NOT one of the overweight, boring ugly woman you desrcibe. I am actually being constantly told I am beautiful, and without tooting my own horn can say I am freakin’ HOT. Yet, still have a difficult time weeding out the playa types (more so because I am pretty and attract a lot of men). No, I agree with the original post. Men are predetory. They like to play games and are afraid to grow up and commit to being in a relationship with a real woman with real thoughts and real emotions.
holly
Jan 10, 2012
Dori, can you really say you’re hot without tooting your own horn? I disagree, men will commit, but only to a woman they’re really into!
Jen
Jan 21, 2012
“Boring, lame, negative, overweight, selfish people”. Well Marcus, I’m overweight. Thanks for the insult. I don’t get enough of them. I was researching reviews for Christian’s book because I’ve read enough self-help books to know that some are awesome and others don’t say anything at all. I’m not concerned with what he charges but if he has something useful to say, I would like to read it. I don’t think this makes me lame. I think it makes me open to a man’s point of view. I’m not looking to “snag” a man with the book. I’m actually studying to become a relationship therapist and like to read things like this. What I find interesting about your post is the way you describe the women who post their opinions on this site – or I bet, any other. You listed boring, lame, negative and selfish which are personality traits of the women on this page and then threw in overweight, which is a physical trait. I guess we disgust you too. Well let me tell you what disgusts me. Men like you, who totally discount interesting, fun, intelligent women like myself, because of our pant’s size. It’s men who write comments like yours that send women off the emotional end and into the pages of books like “catch him and keep him” because it’s too hard to accept that someone won’t love us simply because we like Ben and Jerry’s. Of course, attraction is important. But so is respect. Not just respect for your partner, but respect for the common person in general. You don’t seem to have that or else you would have realized this isn’t a page filled with angry, man bashing women. Oh sure, there are a couple, but you run into man and woman bashing people everywhere. No no, this page is filled with valuable, worthwhile women just looking for some advice. But you didn’t see that did you. (not a question) No no, you zoned in on the one crazy in the bunch and proceeded to mount your podium and start preaching to the masses. Well I read what you had to say. And I zoned in on the one word that seemed most telling in your entire little speech. It’s telling because you listed it with personality flaws. Yup, very telling. Marcus, you’re an idiot and an asshole. I mean, why are you reading or posting on this page anyway?? And Dori? You didn’t help woman-kind by validating your response to him with the assurance that you are “freaking hot”. Really? You think that’s the way to get yourself taken seriously?
“Well I’m not fat or ugly so I’ll just speak for everyone because you’ll listen to me.” I’m not deluded enough to think that either one of you will probably ever read this response but my points still stand. Ladies, there is some validity to the idea that a man might want a relationship with someone who has their act together. I mean, don’t you want a relationship with someone who has their act together? Independence, an easy-going attitude, confidence – these are all attractive traits. And I don’t know about you but I don’t really want to date an emotional wasteland. Being emotionally in control of yourself doesn’t make you cold or a robot. It doesn’t mean you won’t have bad days or emotionally devastating experiences. It just means you aren’t a manic personality with highs and lows as unpredictable as a roller-coaster.
And honestly, who amongst us really wants a relationship that is more work and less fun than we can have alone? I’m not saying go buy the book. Actually I’m saying save your money if this is the kind of advice this guy is doling out. Because it’s basic common sense. Be a complete person, unto yourself (fat or thin) and enjoy your life before you start searching for a relationship. Make sure you are searching for a mate and not an answer to your longings. There, $29.95’s worth of advice contained in a free to read blog and response. Enjoy!
angie
Jan 30, 2012
Very well said.
angie
Jan 30, 2012
To Jen, Very well said. Where do we send our $29.95?
Jennie
Feb 01, 2012
I hope this comment is a joke and that there is not a real person behind the thinking.
Kristina
Dec 31, 2011
First thing I did when I watched the video was look at his ring finger. I noticed he wasn’t married. How can you trust relationship advice from someone who is not married? Especially at his age? My guess is that the’s never been married… Kind of like taking dieting advice from someone who is obese…
One minor correction to the blog post though, David Dangelo’s real name is Eban Pagan, not Christian Carter.
Naomi
Jan 13, 2012
so agree – first thing I looked for was a ring also!!
Jen
Jan 21, 2012
Ha! That was the first thing I noticed too.
Sunny
Jan 01, 2012
BRAVO!!! To all my women friends/sisters, who are awakening to the fact that this NO LONGER a patriarchy, and that all the old BS we’ve been taught about males being dominant, superior, etc., etc., etc., is just that……so much BS.
How dare this man assume that we just *cannot* possibly live without a man in our lives? What utter hogwash.
Christian Carter or whatever the heck your name is, you need to wake up and smell the coffee. We are ALL equal in Creator’s eyes, and neither man is superior to women, nor women superior to men.
Kea
Jan 01, 2012
If you read all the way down at the bottom (fine print) of the emails he sends out it states that everything he says is “opinion not professional advice” and that everything he says is “to be used for entertainment purposes” REALLY…so he isn’t actually offering advice…just the opportunity to be entertained. What a crock.
Here’s the disclaimer on the emails (copied and pasted):
By reading this, you agree
to all of the following: You understand this to
be an expression of opinions and not professional
advice. It is only to be used for personal
entertainment purposes. You are solely responsible
for the use of any of the content and hold Catch
Him Inc. and all members and affiliates harmless
in any event or claim.
Rizwan M
Jan 03, 2012
Hi Sasha,
A few simple questions to answer the product in question…
Are you in a relationship right now?
If no, then perhaps trying out what he says is a ‘different’ approach to getting into a relationship.
If yes then are you unconsciously doing any of the things that he says?
If No then you should share your secret with the rest of the world like he is doing.
If yes then…. Respect to Christian Carter.
Cheers
Riz.
liz
Jan 05, 2012
it is niave people like yourself,sweetheart.that make people such as christian carter profit.
if you believe the BS that is portrayed in his work,this is your choice.however,if you have to pay to be told about how overly emotional you are,then it is sad there are women like you,that seem to be so insecure and unable to hold a relationship themselves.:/
olivia
Jan 04, 2012
many men project their own neediness for female companionship onto the woman, fearing their own intimacy needs.
Women have much more power over men, and we don’t ned to say the exact right thing or do something specifically for strategy to engage in a mature relationship.
People usually seek people of likemindedness; needy, or less emotional, openminded, or closed
What this guy doesn’t get is women aren’t as desperate to have a man in their life as he assumes.
And, if one has to take an acting course to get one, then what he is really teaching is how to be a fake unauthentic person. Like himself, perhaps.
Sarah
Jan 04, 2012
I love how the two people who like this man are men. Thank you Sasha for posting this well written expose. Keep on representing those who are happy and single!
Leanna
Jan 05, 2012
wow.i have a happy relationship right now,without all the critical advice.
every woman is capable of holding down a relationship! and not needed to be told otherwise,just be yourself,and find a man who loves you for you,
if you cant do that on your own without having an extra monthly cost for BS advice,then your obviously not dating the right men,sometimes no one is to blame,you are just not compatible with one another.
also,just as in any relationship,you are not going to be happy ALL the time.the more relaxed and comfortable you are yourself,the happier you and your partner will be.
*No man is worth your tears,and the one who is would never make you cry*
Tina
Feb 01, 2012
Where’s the like button
x
Kell
Jan 06, 2012
Hi all,
I’m not a fan nor detractor of Christian Carter, just doing a Google search on that aforementioned ubiquitous newsletter. FYI, I looked up his video and the David DeAngelo fellow, and they are not actually the same person.
Wishing love and happiness in whatever form you find it,
Kell.
Casey
Jan 06, 2012
Thank you for this. I’m 18 and I almost fell for it… glad I googled it.
Kym
Jan 06, 2012
Truth is… there are many men out there who would fit Carters stereo type and love to meet the robot woman that he prescribes. They are lazy self centered bastards that I would rather not date anyway.
Its no rocket science that we should all take some responsibility for our emotions and get our lives together. Hetro home, man, woman in all shapes and sizes.
Carolyn
Jan 08, 2012
God, I got so frustrated and pissed off that I actually sent him, or his dominions, an email. Will they contact me within 2 business days? Probably not. I won’t be waiting for a response. Not that it hasn’t all been said, but I had to say it again:
“Thank you, Mr. DeAngelo, for teaching me that it’s really my fault I’m alone. Now I can quit therapy and become an alcoholic shut-in because I’ll never get rid of all this baggage; and what man would ever want me? Or I’ll just date chicks.
I bet you’re single. I think you have severe issues with women. Or is this just a profitable way to train some poor babe to be the robot you’ve always wanted? Oh, David, you just went from handsome to ugly in 60 seconds. Have a nice day.
Carolyn C. (future lesbian)
P.S. Do not send me any spam or add me to any list or I will report you to the ICCC.”
Thanks for this posting. I haven’t been this fired up about anything since the last time I got dumped. My ex probably read “Catch Him and Keep Him” and decided to move on. Just another reason to hate “Christian Carter”.
N
Jan 08, 2012
I love all of the contraversy your post has created.
I am happily married with brood to the kindest man in the world – but I must say Christian was right in his basic opinion of what my dear man would run away from.
It did take about 8 years for him to come to terms with my “emotionalism”. He could never seem to let me go but was too scared to really keep me.
He had always found non-emotional women cold, but was scared of a woman with strong emotions,. He knew he wanted a kind woman but struggled with knowing that to have the caring heart he was looking for meant she was possibly over-emotional for him in her own needs. I guess it just took time for him to get himself ready to be open & real (age 50!), and possible that’s why Christian is still single too, it can take some men a long time to be ready…
Be yourself say no when you need to protect yourself & it will be what it is meant to be, one way or another.
Wendy
Jan 08, 2012
……….. thanks for your info on this man. I thought about subscribing but based on past experience I am always regretful when I subscribe to something like this out of curiosity. This man capitalizing on the fact that our society manufactures this belief that women are not okay the way they are is criminal. That we must change our basic nature to get a man………….that we must give up ourselves.
Emma
Jan 08, 2012
You took the words right out of my mouth….. Couldn’t believe you wrote this and not me !!! lol
chris
Jan 09, 2012
Carter, alias David DeAngelo is a former PUA (Pick-Up Artist) who makes much of his money selling advice to men for how to pick up women. If you want more insight into his way of looking at things, you should check these things out.
Some of his advice is really common sense- for example, that men who make self-deprecating remarks and display weak social status cues will not be successful, and those who try too hard end up looking desperate.
The real truth for men and women alike is that people who are comfortable with themselves, who are outgoing, friendly and assertive, will have no problem meeting a lover or mate- guys are each wired differently from each other. I have never stopped pursuing a woman just because we had sex on the first date: my marriage of 13 years started that way, and my last girlfriend slept with me an hour after meeting me and stuck around for three years until we agreed we didn’t have enough in common to continue. I say, “go all the way if you want to”, but be kind and respectful or you might just end up another PUA, Pick-Up Artists are basically the jerks putting gigolos and call-girls out of business.
If you want to keep your man, communicate openly and respect his identity as a man, as a human, and as a mammal, don’t put up with abuse of any kind, avoid name-calling and adopt a zero-tolerance policy for it in your home, show him frequent affection, and negotiate your shared needs and desires. Find out what each of your social connections are. Above all, if you like him, you should trust him, as he should be able to trust you, and you should give each other time to be around other people. And guess what: assertive women often get their man, no matter what these ‘gurus’ say, as long as they do it in a spirit of adventure. So, save your money, build yourself up to be the kind of person YOU would go out with, then go find your mate and save $$ on bullshit advice clowns like this dispense.
chris
Jan 10, 2012
Actually, Although Carter and DeAngelo are part of the same firm, I couldn’t find evidence to show Carter IS DeAngelo. Either way, DeAngelo’s firm is a scheme to acquire $ from the lonely and shy.
If you expect to pay money to learn how to meet someone, you aren’t doing your homework. David Burn’s book, “Intimate Connections”, gives good free evidence-based advice.
Sue
Jan 09, 2012
Thank you for writing this. The comment section of this article is also priceless!
Ni
Jan 12, 2012
It did intrigue me, and I gave in. The comment about him wanting to transform women into the robots that he (and most of his male peers) would want, definitely crossed my mind as I was reading. I must admit though, there was SOME good in the bad. I dont agree with the extreme he is telling women to go to, but I do think it does offer some good insight into how men think, which is something I believe women should try to understand if they want to avoid certain conflicts. I believe men should do the same, but unfortunately most dont care to understand women, or even if explained, dont get it
. Of course, my current situation compelled me to look into the material, and it actually helped me to understand where my man was coming from. I do think it is important to see boths sides of every situation, and you can’t do that unless you *understand* how the other person’s head is working. Compromise is the key,not one person completely changing themselves…but he does actually *kind of* try to say that. I think there are DEFINITELY better written books on the psych of men, but the ads brought to my attention that it is something to look into! I can’t testify as to his overcharges, or refunds, but I can imagine it isn’t as ”
risk free” as it appears. just be careful about scams.
Katie
Jan 13, 2012
This comes four years after you first wrote your assessment of Christian Carter and his “rules” of the game for women, but I just happened to stumble on his site (at Thesaurus.com of all places), at which I was appalled. From there I searched the internet hoping to find someone else who could confirm my suspicions that Carter (or DeAngelo, whichever he prefers) is truly and utterly the most magnificent pig to ever take advantage of women. I wish I could encourage all those women out there who have been suckered into believing who they are is not worth fighting for by a man, but instead must become something entirely unrealistic to achieve love. Oh the lies a desperate woman will ingest. It’s like the “Grease” message all over again. Sandy shouldn’t have to change for Danny! I guarantee all guys do not think like this. Women are wonderful because of their emotions, not in spite of them, and everyone (guys included) come with some form of insecurity and baggage (some men more than women in my experience). No one is perfect, no one is a robot. We can’t all be blond goddesses with perky breasts and a size 0 waist completely vapid in thought and expression. No. Those women are the “beautiful” people we put on pedestals and who have become the ideal to Christian Carter. In essence he is everything that is wrong with our culture all wrapped up into one big douche (pardon my language). If you are reading this and you have ever doubted your beauty or personality as I have, listen. You are lovely, in all your complexity as a person and as a women. Never sell yourself for something that isn’t real. Who you are is priceless.
Elle
Jan 13, 2012
I find it interesting that these people (scammers) can scam so easily. Good thing everyone posting here was intuitive enough to do a little research. I’ve gotta admit, at fist, when watching his video clip, he had my attention. Probably because he is so good looking – but, by the end of his spiel … NOT SO MUCH! LoL
I, too saw his “ad” on thesaurus.com and it made me wonder what their standards for advertising are; obviously not very high. As for the girl who said “a lot of what he says is true” – well, just like any good scammer – you gotta speak 80% truth to get people to listen…it’s the 20% BS that’ll ruin ya! Quirkyalone – GOOD JOB!
Liz
Jan 13, 2012
wow..I am so glad I read your comments and my hunches about this Con merchant ,,
Insecurity and vulnerability is hell when we are there.
and heaven for the Con.
Hey BTW I will give you better advise for free.
Look at yourself in the mirror and love who you are and what is wonderful about you and the not so..because its who you are..and if you have things you do not like and can then do it if you wish..but its for you not for some one else…even if they may benefit …Visualise the man whom you want how he would act, how he would treat you ..and so on.. But make him real..including his imperfections and bad habits..Just know he is out there waiting to meet a real woman also…and smile as you go out into your day .knowing he is going to be dang lucky when he meets you..meanwhile enjoy what other things you have in your life that make you happy…
Dee
Jan 17, 2012
Christian Carter seems to know so much about sixteen year old girls that it makes me wonder if he doesn’t have a vagina of his own. I am pretty sure all he needs to do to feel better is take a nice warm bubble bath and to play with his vagina. Works for me.
Please tell me how to change so I can have an honest and meaningful relationship….
This guy defines all that is douche.
Toddzilla
Jan 19, 2012
So if Christian Carter is truly David DeAngelo, then he knows what he is talking about. David has written numerous books, blogs, and conducts self help seminars for men to help them find their true identity and take control of their relationships with women.
Credit card drama aside, what you are getting from David is experience and results. you can distill his advice into bitter-closed-minded-woman-speak all you want, but if you get a hold of your emotions and focus on the positive, men will throw themselves at you. Men don’t want relationships because of the baggage women throw at them. It’s actually worth their time to hit the bars, clubs, libraries, etc and put work in on multiple women BECAUSE of their allergies to female drama. Let this sink in a bit: men would rather do more work with more women than deal with female emotional malfunctions.
Feminine drama is Kryptonite to men. Seriously, you can blame them all you want, but they do not want your baggage.
So what if he doesn’t have a ring on his finger? He isn’t giving marriage advice, he is giving relationship advice. He is the Michael Jordan of dating.
David isn’t about patronizing you or coddling your insecurities, he is about reality and building confidence. You can hate him all you want, but you can’t deny that he is 95% right.
MRC
Jan 23, 2012
I’m reading christian carter’s free article which are sent through email. I started reading it 3 years ago because I was hopeless before. Lots of boyfriends and heartaches and no luck.
It may seem pointless sometimes since the women have to do all the “work” so the relationship will work. But after reading many articles written by him and applying it, i was overwhelmed. I met a guy 3 years ago and try to apply what I learned from the article and our relationship has been wonderful until now. I’m not saying that you should pay or buy christian carters’ book but just read the relationship advices from him and be open minded about it. Your love life will be more easier. Christian is not a fraud but his advice is not for everyone. This is the only way I can thank him.
Sea Serpent
Jan 24, 2012
I subscribe to Christian Carter’s newsletter. I read it for laughs.
MLPC
Jan 24, 2012
I’m kind of surprised at the venom on this site. It’s kind of a no-brainer that you shouldn’t buy his books. Any time you get a newsletter from someone that culminates each and every time with a pitch to buy a program to learn “the rest of the tricks” a red flag should go up. Having said that, I agree with MRC. A friend of mine (who said right off the bat, “Don’t bother buying the books,”) sent me the link as I was going through a difficult break up after a four year relationship with a guy who was “sweet” but who I came to painfully realize was definitely not “the one.” I ended up with Mr. Sweet largely because I’d had such a string of horrible relationships throughout my 20s that going with a guy who was obviously safe was what my heart needed. After breaking things off I started reading Christian Carter’s newsletters (and laughing at the pitches to buy his books), and lo and behold I met the man of my dreams who fell head over heels for me, and for whom I fell head over heels, and we are now very happily married. Yes, seriously. I paid attention to what the newsletters said, applied the tips, and bingo, happily married – which, I will add, was not even my goal, I just wanted to make sure I didn’t fall into another string of bad relationships. It really was that simple.
I’ll even go further than that! Right before I met my husband I went on a couple of dates with a really great guy with whom I clicked on many levels, but who had just gone through a nasty break-up. I was ready to date. He wasn’t. He strung me along for about a month. I really liked him and really wanted the relationship to progress past just coffee and necking. In my 20s, I totally would have pursued him to the ends of the earth, hounded him with text messages, and just generally made myself appear so needy (even though I had several other men interested in me at the time) that I never would have heard from him again, I’m quite sure. Because I was reading the newsletters I had the wherewithal to straight up say to him, look, I like you, but I’m not going to send you texts or emails anymore. When you want to have coffee, you let me know. And then I stopped sending him emails and texts.
Afterwards, instead of sitting by the phone (which the newsletters said not to do), I went on with my life. Met a couple of more guys, and then BAM! There was my husband. And shortly after we started dating, the guy I’d moved on from actually called me for coffee, because I’d backed off and given him space, AS THE NEWSLETTERS SAID TO DO. Sadly for him I wasn’t waiting by the phone, which was also the advice of the newsletters.
I realize some women probably don’t want to acknowledge that they are doing ANYTHING wrong when it comes to dating and men, but quite frankly I watch girlfriend after girlfriend stumble into the trap of attaching too quickly to a man, which overwhelms him and makes him pull away, so they try to tighten their grip, which makes him pull away more, which makes them become borderline crazy stalker women, which makes them run. I, for one, saw absolutely nothing in the newsletters that made it seem like, “You have to be a robot woman who never expresses any emotions.” Rather, it seemed to me to be framed in such a way as to say, “You have to understand that men don’t think the way you do, and when you ask him what he’s thinking and he says ‘nothing,’ it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to talk, he’s LITERALLY not thinking anything, and if you continue pressing him he will find it annoying and he will cease to see you as ‘fun’.” Keep in mind that these newsletters are written with the idea of helping a woman FIND a relationship. They’re not saying once you HAVE the relationship you should never express a single emotion, just that we can’t ascribe female thoughts to the male mind when we are in the early stages of getting to know someone.
I found the newsletters to be an extremely useful peek into how men think in those crucial first weeks and months. Perhaps the author of this post (and many of the folks commenting) aren’t really ready for relationship advice yet, and aren’t willing to admit they might have something to learn. By the way, I’m an alpha female, so I’m certainly no shrinking violet – I was just willing to listen to a man’s perspective on relationships. Seriously, I never would have met my husband if I hadn’t.
As for the books, OBVIOUSLY don’t buy them.
Diane
Jan 25, 2012
MLPC, I read all the comments without feeling prompted to respond, but when I got to yours, I was impressed by your level-headedness and willingness to try the advice that was offered and prove for yourself whether it was good or not. My life experience and reading have caused me to agree with the principles you learned and applied. They almost seem like common sense…but it seems that “common sense” in relationships does have to be learned. I haven’t read any of Christian’s newsletters, but I’ve read similar advice elsewhere, and it rings true. I have four brothers and one sister, so probably I’ve learned something about men from being around a lot of them (plus my dad), but that doesn’t always help. Our instincts seem to take us down the wrong path if we don’t get specific input from the opposite sex about how THEY think. There ARE basic differences between us.
I think Sasha raised some valid concerns, too, but perhaps overreacted a bit without reading the specific advice that was offered (or sold, I suppose). She also may have misunderstood some things, but I wouldn’t know without reading Christian’s advice myself. By the way, it seems that Christian Carter is not David DeAngelo, but David DeAngelo is a fictitious name for Eben Pagan. David gives advice to MEN about dating. I’m no expert–just did a quick search and determined that much. It was after I clicked on an ad and heard Christian Carter that I did a search and ended up here, so I don’t know anything more about him.
Anyway, I think this whole issue works both ways…because if men asked us for advice about what women are looking for, or find to be positive or negative traits or behavior, I daresay most of us would be happy to tell them what to do and what not to do, and we wouldn’t necessarily think they were being dishonest or manipulative or self-seeking to want to find out how we women think. We’d most likely think they were wise and caring to try to change their approach to suit us. It’s certainly not wrong to change if it’s genuine and based on improved understanding of yourself and others. It’s a great thing!
To make this point, I’ll pull something Sasha said (sarcastically) and reverse the sexes. Would we agree with this statement? “The worst mistake a man can make is not seeking help. Because women are so hard to understand…” Personally, I’d agree with that. I think we are hard for men to understand, and if they’re wise, they’ll accept some help with the process. Opening their minds and studying women themselves is fine, but there’s nothing wrong with getting others’ thoughts, too. And we wouldn’t object if they got advice from a woman about women, so what’s wrong with us accepting advice from a man about men?
There, I’ve had my say (I love logic!), so I’ll move along now… =)
Oh, but by the way, if anyone wants good advice about men from a (married) woman, try the old book, “Fascinating Womanhood.” Some hackles might be raised if you dislike or misunderstand some of the author’s advice, but I found it very enlightening and helpful, and most of those I’ve shared it with also have. (Plus, there are countless testimonials in the book itself, and it’s been a popular nationwide seminar in past years.) When I’ve loaned the book, I’ve told my girlfriends that it’s “the top secret guide to men,” and they come back telling me that they agree. =)
Debra
Jan 26, 2012
First of all, Christian Carter and David DeAngelo are NOT the same person. Simply Google them both and their videos will come up. Unless DeAngelo had massive cosmetic surgery, that theory is preposterous. Secondly, I can see where women become resentful about men writing relationship-coaching books that effectively send the message, “Don’t do anything to piss a man off, and everything will work out.” I bought Carter’s book and was really torn over it. One part of me wanted to tear it up and tell every man on the planet, “F*** you and what YOU want and what YOU need. Read a book about WOMEN for a change and try to understand US.” But the more reluctant part of me knew that he was telling the raw, awful truth about men, and
how they really think. I even questioned in depth ALL my close male friends to ask if Carter’s assertions were true, and the response was a unanimous YES. They confessed that men are self-centered, selfish jerks, and that their “fear of intimacy” is quite simply about the fear of never being allowed to put their penises anywhere but in one woman for the rest of their lives. That’s essentially what fear of commitment is for men. So we can hate Carter for delivering the message, but like it or not, he’s right. His coaching is also extremely useful for women who have a pattern of entering into relationships with the WRONG type of man (cheaters, gigolos, abusers, neglecters). His advice actually helps such a woman (yes, I’m one of them) learn BOUNDARIES, and learn to sit with uncomfortable feelings rather than jumping to the conclusion that he’s gone off you or found another woman the minute he’s 10 seconds late calling you. For those of us who never learned about what a healthy period of courtship looks like, or that a little push and pull and a few jump starts in the courtship phase are normal and HEALTHY (they indicate that someone is being CAREFUL about making a decision as huge as “Do I want to spend my life with this person?). Women hang onto fairy tale ideals about romantic love, whereas men are more pragmatic, and that’s the puzzle of men’s minds that he helps women to figure out. Carter’s coaching has helped me immensely. I was, for the first time, able to see that I had made almost ALL the mistakes that Carter talks about, and it always led to unsatisfying relationships at best, and abusive ones at worst. He doesn’t tell women to suffer in silence—he tells us HOW to communicate with men on their level to get them to listen to us rather than tune us out and run away.
Kristin Fit
Feb 01, 2012
I can’t stand Christian Carter and I would rather be single forever then have the “Type of man” he is woman advice on pleasing! Men have too many expectations nd that is the problem, somebody, their mom’s relatives, has told the that they are so great that they deserve a woman that does not exist! Well I would rther be alone!
Lori
Feb 01, 2012
I learned more about relationships and how people should treat each other just in the last half hour of reading peoples blogs. You dont need a book to tell you that you have to love yourself before someone can love you. I find if I spend a little time each day to do a simple thing to make him smile or make his day easier, its returned 10 fold. Everyone wants to know that they are loved and respected by the other person. Man or woman.
Kristin Fit
Feb 01, 2012
I want a man who could love me and accept me for who I am and not for how Christian or any other person has taught me to be! As soon as I encourntered his article online accidently, I found it very defensive and upsetting! Oh men usually wont want you if you are too affectionate? Who wants a man who is not loving and affectionate, he should not be in a relationship! If that is how men are, I am completely content with my cat who give me ample love and affection! I think the problem is these men today think they re all that ans some I don’t even think want a woman! I have entered the dating world after 8 years because I decided to end things, not the man, because I wanted more, I wanted marriage and family and he didn’t, so clearly, I wont settle for a man just to have a man! I am not a hooker, I am not going to be with somebody for years and not get married!
Kristin Fit
Feb 01, 2012
Debra if that is how men, I would rather be single! That said, obviously men do comit and do get married otherwise people would not be married, I don’t know what kind of guy frineds you have but I would not date any one of them! I would rather wait for the 2 percent of decent men that exist, if they are not all taken by all the married people!
Nicole
Feb 02, 2012
What’s the point of arguing each others opinions? There is no right or wrong. BUT Sasha made a great point when she said that even when the women wanted to cancel they were STILL getting charged. So to all you Christian Carter supporters. Please explain how that is so helpful to women! When someone is trying to rip you off. I looked for a wedding ring and didn’t even see one. Surely someone with his knowledge of how to manipulate women would easily have a wife.