Is it me or is Christian Carter of “Catch Him and Keep Him” the devil?

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Is it me or is Christian Carter of “Catch Him and Keep Him” the devil?

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Dec 09, 2008 - Written by Sasha Cagen | Filed under: Uncategorized

Have you ever gotten sucked into something that you were also ashamed to read? It happened to me yesterday. I was listlessly checking my email when I noticed a text ad that I must have seen more than 10,000 times. “How to catch and keep a man.” Those ads are as oddly ubiquitous as the text link ads for Acai Berry Wonder Diets, but I always assumed that ads with links like “Why Men Withdraw and What to Do About It” were for women who are more pathetic and malleable than me. Yesterday I joined the masses. And let me tell you. I became sickly fascinated. And angry.

I was vulnerable to that horrible ad because I recently heard something along the lines of “I’m just looking for something casual.” Somehow I find that impossible not to take personally. I clicked on the link–”The Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes Women Make”–and found myself swimming through simple, one-sentence direct-mail style paragraphs, like:

“Have you ever slept with a guy very quickly after meeting him, but as it started to happen you got that sinking feeling in your stomach? You knew it was a mistake, but you did it anyway. And then the thing you KNEW would happen actually happened: He unexplainably disappeared from your life. Honestly, have you ever had this happen?”

Of course, the worst part wasn’t that it happened, but that you KNEW you shouldn’t have done it in the first place… but you did it anyway.

Ummm, who hasn’t?

Christian Carter offers to tell women how to avoid the ten fatal mistakes most women make with men, or how to engage and attract a man right after you meet in person, if you are so good as to enter your credit card number to receive his e-book.

The worst mistake a woman can make is not seeking help. Because men are so hard to understand, and Christian Carter has spent years reading every relationship book ever published, and he has thought deeply about the psychology of men and women when they are dating. And he can help! So sign up and give him your credit card for his e-book at a price of $29.97 and his emails (interviews with relationship and dating experts) at a monthly charge of $19.97. The sickest thing is that for a moment I even considered typing my credit card address, until I awoke from the hallucination and realized it would be hell to get him to stop charging me money. His real name is David DeAngelo, and once I had the wherewithal to do a search-binge on him, I found numerous consumer complaints from women who claimed that he wouldn’t stop charging them after they asked to unsubscribe.

I could see this was a psychological master who knew how to manipulate an audience. The stock trade in any self-help e-book purchase is to tap into the reader’s insecurities and promise you have the long-sought-after answer. In this case, it’s about tapping into woman’s insecurities and confusion over male behavior, with the promise of understanding of learning what’s going on behind the scenes of a man’s mind.

WHEN A MAN SAYS…

“I don’t want a serious relationship right now.”

WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS…

“I ONLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP with a woman who
already has her act together, is attractive,
healthy, independent, easy-going, confident, and
who is emotionally in control of herself and her
own life.. . . without trying to change me or turning our relationship
into MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on my
own.”

Does this make sense?

Again, he’s NOT imagining a picture of an
overly-emotional, predictable, needy woman who is
trying to get him to connect with her and sharing
her feelings because she’s so worried about things
“working out.”

In my google-searching, I found a post by this woman, who pretty much summarized his point of view. She’s been reading him for longer than me, so I’ll let her do the heavy lifting of distilling his advice:

One of my friends suggested I register at his website. Since then, I’ve been getting extremely annoying emails about how to “CATCH and KEEP” a man, like he’s a freakin’ trout or something.

Pearls of wisdom have included:

1. Don’t sleep with a guy “too soon” (time frame not included–so just guess)
2. Don’t be “predictable”, or his attraction will magically end (must I be in a different country each time he calls…?)
3. Don’t discuss any emotional issues at all, ever, God forbid, or it’s all over, period
4. Don’t assume that just because you’ve been dating for months you’re in a “relationship” (WTF?)
5. Try to appear at all times to be a)selective b)unemotional c)hard-to-get d)a robot woman
6. In general, subvert any and all natural inclinations you may have as a woman, and pretend like nothing means really anything at all to you, or else any guy, anywhere, will run like the wind from you, because guys can’t stand a woman that harbors an actual emotion that might pertain to said guy.

All the mystery boils down to you, women. The problem is you. You are too emotional. The way to create a great emotional connection with a man is to never burden him with your emotions. It’s hard to imagine exactly what this great emotional connection consists of, except the idea that the man “feels great” when he’s with you, better than when he is single, and you as the woman are not constantly analyzing the relationship.

The whole thing consumed me for about 90 minutes and made me feel sick for several reasons. I’ll admit that my feelings were not altogether rational at the time, but they were a product of being brainwashed by his mind-sucking prose:

1) The feeling that men and women are so irreconcilably different that we can never truly be ourselves with each other; anything that promotes this idea is just depressing. It makes me wonder if pre-industrial societies had it right when men and women didn’t expect their mates to be their best friends, and instead found companionship with same-sex friends

2) The way that women get blamed simply for being women and having some emotional needs to–guess what?–be themselves. According to Carter, men want to be with a “cool girl” and a “cool girl is basically someone who is unpredictable, fun, emotionally balanced, has no insecurities, easygoing, and independent.” Ummm, is this true? Could it be? This marketing campaign is obviously aimed at a very mainstream, middle American audience. Are there really that many men who prefer not to deal with emotions at all?

3) At the same time, I hate sitting around with a group of women complaining that “All men are dogs,” etc. I know men are more complicated than that and that there are men who are out there who really want to connect with other men as friends and women as partners (or men if they are gay). It’s just that reading this stereotypical garbage, combined with the shitty and mystifying ways that some men act, make me and other women feel confused and despairing.

4) The preying on women’s insecurities then taking their credit card numbers for recurring charges. That just sucks. Period. It’s a very profitable enterprise to continually charge people $19.97 a month for emails, especially when you don’t honor their requests to unsubscribe.

Why am I writing about this and even giving this bozo any attention? Because people like him have influence. He seems more powerful than the authors of the Rules, because he’s a man, and supposedly offers an inside view. I am fascinated by how mystified we men and women seem to be with each other. So what is the antidote–ar the antidate to the dating breakdown in communication? I discussed this with one female roommate so far, who was equally horrified and livid when she read his stuff, and one male friend, who said, talk to your male friends. They’re much more similar in mindset to the men you are trying to date. What think you? Is there any validity to his advice and worldview, or is this just garbage? Let the quirkyalone version of this conversation begin in the comments.

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77 Responses to “Is it me or is Christian Carter of “Catch Him and Keep Him” the devil?”

Paulette

Aug 18, 2009

Christian Carter is legit. His prices are fair. He’s not perfect, but if you read and listen to his ideas, they make sense. There are a lot of negative posters here, but you also gotta take your own personality into consideration. If things do not work out, it’s because you are not applying it correctly or you haven’t taken the ideas to heart, or it’s your personality!

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- Les
  
  Feb 10, 2010
  
  LOLOLOLOL..omg. I’m not playing make believe or compromising my character to “catch” any man. According to this “logic” I suppose my now exboyfriend was jerking off online with strangers and burning up his cell phone because I’M F’d up in the head?? I think not.
  
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melissa

Oct 01, 2009

OMG….though I have MUCH to say, I wont even waste time on a “book” written by someone as pedestrian and unevolved as Carter..(plus I am sure there are many women out there who will do it for me;) .If it werent for the fact that “information” like this is destructive when read by maliable individuals it is merely laughable…Carter you are a narcissistic slob who hopefully does not believe these things…I would almost respect you more if I thought you were doing this for money than for the fact that you believe your own shit…The only self respecting women who would even buy or read this (aside from those who are merely curious…like one would be when passing a train wreck) are most definitely victims of abuse for whom English is a second (or third) language..and it is not right to prey on them..Your narrowmindedness is staggering, distasteful and irresponsible and your aversion to women as equals or valuable at all, obvious and repulsive, but no threat to me..OR MAYBE YOU ARE JUST TO MUCH OF A CATCH FOR ME AND I AM THREATENED BY THAT…LOL!

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- RSO
  
  Nov 10, 2009
  
  Thanks for your comment! I bought Carter’s DVDs after searching online something to cheer me up after a relationship break and I have felt like a stupid shit month after month with the installements. Although, for the Medium class American maybe Carter is revolutionary! it was not for me, all the contrary, in fact (I live in Spain) but I can say that some of the interviews (mainly the one to Mary Forleo) are helpul and interesting
  
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Jasmine

Oct 12, 2009

HAHAH! Very true! I’ve been receiving his email adds and I’ve been amazed how the titles “follow” whatever my emotion/insecurity of that day is. It’s odd, like the person sending it has been in my head or something. I also contemplated ordering it, but when I read about the subscription thought better of it. Plus I learned that communication is the key to healthy relationships, and he’s essentially telling women to keep quiet, play hard to get, and pretend to be perfect. HA! I wonder how healthy his relationships are….

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Caroline

Oct 17, 2009

I agree that CC’s material is worth reading.I kept making the same stupid mistakes over and over in relationships. Some guys were nice, some assholes, it didnt matter, they all ended. I had a great career, many years of transformational therapy under my belt, and still it seemed, no ability to move past the initial part of the relationship. After reading CC’s book, I wanted to scream, not only because his presentation is so cheesy, but because if I had only known a few basic things I might have had a better shot. I applied much of what he said and find myself now engaged with a great guy. My man dotes on me, adores me and loves all of me. I am more self expressed and self confident in this relationship than any other. What CC says is downright uncomfortable and seemingly anti-feminist, but if done correctly, he offers great tools that work. I only bought the ebook, which is a fair price, and did not go for anything else. His marketing could use an upgrade.

And I do not agree that he says to put on an act, quite the opposite, he teaches to be yourself, to speak your truth from the get go in a confident and calm way. To stand up for what you want, and if you are not met to move on. i feel I have a much better gauge at what is legitimately a concern,and what is just guy stuff, and then how to deal with that. Where is the problem??

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Pat

Oct 20, 2009

I have enjoyed the programs. I have six of them in addition to the ebook. But some of the comments I read above are obsurd. For instance that females are supposed to be quiet and play hard to get. His entire program on Communication Secrets is on communication, and it never implied keeping quiet. I think he has done a great job of putting into words the feelings and details that are obviously more common that I realized. I assume he does a similar mens’ program. And I hope it’s as right on, putting emphasis on teaching men how to listen. The programs were expensive, and that is my only complaint. That and the fact that women are the ones who care about relationships to purchase them. Guys act as if all they have to do is breathe. I wish Christian could make some comments on that.

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Yeepy

Oct 26, 2009

I don’t read trash like Carter’s. I don’t read “The Rules”. I’m happy being solo and I don’t care what men think.

Now if a few of you would just line up to take off my hands the men who literally chase and stalk me all the time because something about all of the above attracts them like fruit flies.

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- Danielle
  
  Nov 17, 2009
  
  all of the above what? I can’t tell if you are sarcastic or just a crazy person…..
  
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Danielle

Nov 17, 2009

I found his book very intriguing. I haven’t experienced any installments or charges yet. I will raise hell if I do. However, I am all for chicks learning to change. I think women are way too emotional and annoying, and even though I am one. I honeslty have to say I have experienced this first hand…everything I read made sense to me. Was no real epiphony. Guys don’t want drama, and you can def. have feelings with them, infact once they are really into you, they love it. There are also different types of men. Some are asbolute lugheds while others are spiritual, connected, wordly, open-minded and you actually feel like you can really connect. I am learning a lot. Going to listen to the Interviews cd that came in the mail. I am being very open-minded. And well I never once didn’t sleep with a guy too soon. That’s a HUGE one for me…..that’s very easy to correct as I am tired of being single. Even though I have had 3 men in the last year, all adoring me like crazy……I am doing somrthing right, but they are just not the right ones. It’s time for me to be more respectful of myself…and “be selective”…hell yeah!

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spinsterette

Nov 30, 2009

The momuntarily obnoxious H and Lynn have the same writing patterns — they wouldn’t be the same PR person, would they?

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Alex

Dec 05, 2009

What?You put CC down for charging money for his book despite the fact that you are promioting your own book on this site and on amazon?

Why dont you just give it away for free ha?

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Lia

Dec 06, 2009

I’ve read CC’s e-book, as well watched 3 of his dvd programs. Are they far too expensive? Yes. Are they incredible helpful for women seeking to understand men? Most definitely.

I think the conflict here is that some buyers of his programs go into with expectations that don’t match up with what he actually does. This program is NOT going to make you feel better about being single, and it is NOT going to make you feel like you have a firm understanding of human relationships.

What it will do is tell you what men need from women. That’s the bottom line. If men truly need women who are less emotional (read: MORE emotionally balanced), then that is really beside the point. We can lament all day how weak and fragile and un-evolved men are. If you, as a woman, consciously choose not to meet the needs of the man you are with, then that’s fine for you. But, as with anything, you must deal with the repercussions of who you are and what you do. An the repercussions might in fact be singledom.

As someone who has spent a good deal of money on his programs, I have never regretted it. What I HAVE regretted are the many times that I consciously choose not to use what I’ve learned from him in my relationships.

And by the way, CC is NOT David DeAngelo. Where did you get that idea? They are 2 completely different people, though both are in the dating advice industry.

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CapeLinda

Dec 07, 2009

He’s done his homework and has put together a great program. His CDs are excellent and he interviews knowledgeable people who respect women. I’ve found them extremely helpful and have just ended a wonderful year+ relationship and started another with a man that is an amazing match for me. Never would have had the confidence or drive to keep looking until I found someone I can truly and completely be myself with!

I’m really happy I found Christian (no matter what his real name is) and that this work is available.

I’m saving the CDs for my daughters when they are old enough to get value out of them.

All u girls can spend time typing about how much he sucks, while I admire the two dozen long stem roses I got from my new great guy for my birthday.

Good luck with that….

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Ash

Dec 09, 2009

DeAngelo is a con artist who’s found a fascinating way to exploit people. He offers advice… to both sides. However, the vast majority of everything that he has ever written, no matter the sales pitch and context, was complete bullcrap (yes, I’ve read his work quite extensively, thank you).

Of course, people will crawl out of the woodwork and say “Well, he has a few good ideas, they helped me…”. Yeah. Newsflash: those “good ideas” are general morale- and confidence-boosting tips and tricks you can find in any psychology book in your local library, without having your intelligence insulted, or paying 17 easy payments of 19.99.

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Giuseppe

Dec 11, 2009

I’m a guy. I feel that the way men are decribed by Carter is sometimes very “middle american”, BUT most of the time I can also recognize what I feel deeply inside of me without acknowledging it. I mean at the deep primal level, not at the evolve and responsible level. I mean the part that create passion, not the part that creates a family.
I have a good and loving relationship with my girlfriend. She’s all in love, caring and stuff (well almost, but noone’s perfect :p…). And she shows that she is 100% for me. Everything I dreamt of in my family dream… But surprisingly it doesn’t make me happy all alone… sometimes I strongly miss something exciting. I miss what made me felt love growing in love at the first place. I miss to chase her… or let’s say, what is included in the chase… what she did, etc.
It makes me understand what happens in the mind of the guys who cheat… The chase seems better that the get… But I don’t want to do that. Never.
I would like her to be living for herself more. I would like to be interested in what she’s passionate about. I don’t want her to be all over me mentally because she is unconfident and weak inside (she is).
That’s what I sensed before I red the advice of Carter. Now I have words to put on it, and I think that he is right in all that way. Now I have the vision that I can work on my relationship to make it better than ever… to make it last for ever.
Don’t take all his book/mailing-lists for granted. Just open your mind to new ideas to think about, then read it. Fit what he says to your own situation. Maybe you’re doing everything right already, maybe some of it and you’re missing one key. Just take what is good.

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D

Dec 14, 2009

Hey can one of you gals send me a copy of this book/cds so i can see for myself? I really don’t have the money for this and am really curious to see if it’s all stuff i’ve already tried or not… believe you-me i have tried EVERYTHING, for 20 years too, and i’m still having trouble…i also feel it should be easy-to-share-info if it’s really going to help make the world a better place?

If i had the dvds i’d put them up on utube if they were something good to share with women, as it seems like at the moment a lot of women are so keen to grow and learn and help make this place a better world, that we are spending a lot of money doing it and most of the stuff i have bought hasn’t really matched the sales pitch…but what about the guys…?

Why do ebooks cost more, anyway? I thought the whole point of the net was so we could have cheaper info cus of the obvious manufacture/distribution issue…they should cost less! I just don’t get it…and you can’t flip thru them before you commit your cc number…? I have to print it up at home too.

I wonder… cus the boys share info about software/music/games and info about chicks and toys without any concern…yet trying to find a lady friend with a copy of these document files/ ‘gems’ is like looking for solutions on period pains that actually work…i wonder if the high price makes em think negatively about the actual sharing of it…come on girls we gotta do the right thing here!

Pleeeeze??

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sil

Dec 20, 2009

I agree with some things…initially be detached emotionally for a few months but in a nice way and show him that you care but be unpredictable this somehow makes them crazy it’s weird but it works….good luck

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J

Dec 21, 2009

I’m with D! Especially those of you who have read them and don’t like him, or don’t respect him, I’m hoping you wouldn’t have a problem sending the files. Let’s stick together on this– Perhaps there are some good nuggets in the thick of bullcrap, or perhaps not, but D and I would really love to find out for ourselves, and I for one can’t possibly buy this program right now. Anyone?? Thanks-

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B

Jan 21, 2010

BAHAHA I love how the OP is totally getting “told.” That’s what you happens when u try to put down ppl who are competitors with you - u just make yourself look bad….

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Faith

Feb 05, 2010

I have been reading everything online…for free and I will say that Christian Carter hit the nail on the head with some of his information. It was like a light went off in my own head of how I have handled some of my prior relationships poorly. He is not encouraging women to forget how they were designed, he is helping women to recognize what is driving men away or why a relationship may not be working. If his suggestions seem too rigid for a woman to follow, then by all means, don’t do them. We women have to face that most men are NOT as emotional as we are. He’s not telling us to be a doormat, he’s trying to help. Because he is a savy business man (note…maybe his staff is more to blame for the “unsubscription” errors), and knows he can make money from this advice. I have not paid for anything, yet I am fortunate enough to have access to this information online and have appreciated how I have come to the realization that I do need to CHANGE some of my own behavior patterns. What is wrong with improving oneself? Do you think you are too old to learn? We can all learn.

All these women know if they could market advice, they would. Because Christian Carter has done this and what he offers requires us to make some changes within ourselves, some women are wanting to bash him. Go ahead then, ignore it and stay lonely! I don’t plan on remaining that way.

His advice is to have your own life and to not require a simple phone call from a man to determine that happiness. What is wrong with advice like that? Again, women coming across as knowing it all…that is why so many of you are still alone. It won’t kill you to make some positive changes within yourself. HIs advice can help you in all aspects, not just with men. Suck it up and just try it. It won’t cost a penny! Everyone can work on improving themselves.

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Pat Phelps

Feb 17, 2010

Does anyone know a phone number I can call to get the interview CDs cancelled. I hate to tell you how long I’ve been receiving them and never never opening any. I’ve made cursory searches for a number but haven’t found any. One site had an email address, which I used, asking for cancellation information. No luck yet. I going to have to go into my bank (in another city) to cancel the payments. My life is just to hectic. I’ll never order anything else like this…and yes, I wasn’t observant enough when I ordered.

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Cathie

Feb 23, 2010

Hello Guys,
Well I too am glad to find this site…. But for me I have to say that this is another page in a great mystery! For starters why can’t I find any other site other than this one that is not filled with promo’s for Christian Carter’s material?
yes it is indeed apparent from some of the post here that pr people are indeed on this site to promote the book and get rid of the ne sayers…. But honestly I want to know if anyone can summarizes what he says…. I have taken psychology and figure that it can’t be that deep… Yet still I find it interesting that I can get one site where his materail is truly talked about indept…. What is the deal? Maybe CC really is the devil! LOL

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yellowlizard

Mar 02, 2010

if you just look at the way he formats the webpage to get you to buy his ebook- that should be a dead give away.

he tells you that he has personal experience with it he says he just wants to help
he has done long and hard research but if he helps one soul it would be worth it
then he gives information that is crucial to know with page numbers!
he says he will give a free trial if you order now specials and discounts that are highlighted
usually the page is very long and you have to read alot

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