Is it me or is Christian Carter of “Catch Him and Keep Him” the devil?
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Dec 09, 2008 - Written by Sasha Cagen | Filed under: Dating
Have you ever gotten sucked into something that you were also ashamed to read? It happened to me yesterday. I was listlessly checking my email when I noticed a text ad that I must have seen more than 10,000 times. “How to catch and keep a man.” Those ads are as oddly ubiquitous as the text link ads for Acai Berry Wonder Diets, but I always assumed that ads with links like “Why Men Withdraw and What to Do About It” were for women who are more pathetic and malleable than me. Yesterday I joined the masses. And let me tell you. I became sickly fascinated. And angry.
I was vulnerable to that horrible ad because I recently heard something along the lines of “I’m just looking for something casual.” Somehow I find that impossible not to take personally. I clicked on the link–”The Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes Women Make”–and found myself swimming through simple, one-sentence direct-mail style paragraphs, like:
“Have you ever slept with a guy very quickly after meeting him, but as it started to happen you got that sinking feeling in your stomach? You knew it was a mistake, but you did it anyway. And then the thing you KNEW would happen actually happened: He unexplainably disappeared from your life. Honestly, have you ever had this happen?”
Of course, the worst part wasn’t that it happened, but that you KNEW you shouldn’t have done it in the first place… but you did it anyway.
Ummm, who hasn’t?
Christian Carter offers to tell women how to avoid the ten fatal mistakes most women make with men, or how to engage and attract a man right after you meet in person, if you are so good as to enter your credit card number to receive his e-book.
The worst mistake a woman can make is not seeking help. Because men are so hard to understand, and Christian Carter has spent years reading every relationship book ever published, and he has thought deeply about the psychology of men and women when they are dating. And he can help! So sign up and give him your credit card for his e-book at a price of $29.97 and his emails (interviews with relationship and dating experts) at a monthly charge of $19.97. The sickest thing is that for a moment I even considered typing my credit card address, until I awoke from the hallucination and realized it would be hell to get him to stop charging me money. His real name is David DeAngelo, and once I had the wherewithal to do a search-binge on him, I found numerous consumer complaints from women who claimed that he wouldn’t stop charging them after they asked to unsubscribe.
I could see this was a psychological master who knew how to manipulate an audience. The stock trade in any self-help e-book purchase is to tap into the reader’s insecurities and promise you have the long-sought-after answer. In this case, it’s about tapping into woman’s insecurities and confusion over male behavior, with the promise of understanding of learning what’s going on behind the scenes of a man’s mind.
WHEN A MAN SAYS…
“I don’t want a serious relationship right now.”
WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS…
“I ONLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP with a woman who
already has her act together, is attractive,
healthy, independent, easy-going, confident, and
who is emotionally in control of herself and her
own life.. . . without trying to change me or turning our relationship
into MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on my
own.”Does this make sense?
Again, he’s NOT imagining a picture of an
overly-emotional, predictable, needy woman who is
trying to get him to connect with her and sharing
her feelings because she’s so worried about things
“working out.”
In my google-searching, I found a post by this woman, who pretty much summarized his point of view. She’s been reading him for longer than me, so I’ll let her do the heavy lifting of distilling his advice:
One of my friends suggested I register at his website. Since then, I’ve been getting extremely annoying emails about how to “CATCH and KEEP” a man, like he’s a freakin’ trout or something.
Pearls of wisdom have included:
1. Don’t sleep with a guy “too soon” (time frame not included–so just guess)
2. Don’t be “predictable”, or his attraction will magically end (must I be in a different country each time he calls…?)
3. Don’t discuss any emotional issues at all, ever, God forbid, or it’s all over, period
4. Don’t assume that just because you’ve been dating for months you’re in a “relationship” (WTF?)
5. Try to appear at all times to be a)selective b)unemotional c)hard-to-get d)a robot woman
6. In general, subvert any and all natural inclinations you may have as a woman, and pretend like nothing means really anything at all to you, or else any guy, anywhere, will run like the wind from you, because guys can’t stand a woman that harbors an actual emotion that might pertain to said guy.
All the mystery boils down to you, women. The problem is you. You are too emotional. The way to create a great emotional connection with a man is to never burden him with your emotions. It’s hard to imagine exactly what this great emotional connection consists of, except the idea that the man “feels great” when he’s with you, better than when he is single, and you as the woman are not constantly analyzing the relationship.
The whole thing consumed me for about 90 minutes and made me feel sick for several reasons. I’ll admit that my feelings were not altogether rational at the time, but they were a product of being brainwashed by his mind-sucking prose:
1) The feeling that men and women are so irreconcilably different that we can never truly be ourselves with each other; anything that promotes this idea is just depressing. It makes me wonder if pre-industrial societies had it right when men and women didn’t expect their mates to be their best friends, and instead found companionship with same-sex friends
2) The way that women get blamed simply for being women and having some emotional needs to–guess what?–be themselves. According to Carter, men want to be with a “cool girl” and a “cool girl is basically someone who is unpredictable, fun, emotionally balanced, has no insecurities, easygoing, and independent.” Ummm, is this true? Could it be? This marketing campaign is obviously aimed at a very mainstream, middle American audience. Are there really that many men who prefer not to deal with emotions at all?
3) At the same time, I hate sitting around with a group of women complaining that “All men are dogs,” etc. I know men are more complicated than that and that there are men who are out there who really want to connect with other men as friends and women as partners (or men if they are gay). It’s just that reading this stereotypical garbage, combined with the shitty and mystifying ways that some men act, make me and other women feel confused and despairing.
4) The preying on women’s insecurities then taking their credit card numbers for recurring charges. That just sucks. Period. It’s a very profitable enterprise to continually charge people $19.97 a month for emails, especially when you don’t honor their requests to unsubscribe.
Why am I writing about this and even giving this bozo any attention? Because people like him have influence. He seems more powerful than the authors of the Rules, because he’s a man, and supposedly offers an inside view. I am fascinated by how mystified we men and women seem to be with each other. So what is the antidote–ar the antidate to the dating breakdown in communication? I discussed this with one female roommate so far, who was equally horrified and livid when she read his stuff, and one male friend, who said, talk to your male friends. They’re much more similar in mindset to the men you are trying to date. What think you? Is there any validity to his advice and worldview, or is this just garbage? Let the quirkyalone version of this conversation begin in the comments.
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329 Responses to “Is it me or is Christian Carter of “Catch Him and Keep Him” the devil?”
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Quirkyalone: n. adj. a person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and prefers being single to dating for the sake of dating. It’s a mindset. Quirkyalone is not anti-love. It is pro-love. It is not anti-dating. It is anti-compulsory dating. Quirkyalone is a book, a holiday, and a movement. Are you a quirkyalone? Take the quiz and read the original essay to find out.
Just for fun
Sara K.
Dec 10, 2008
In the world as presented by the Carter, I wonder if equality of the emotional “work” necessary in relationships will be the next frontier for seemingly stagnant feminism. It seems that women are still required and relied upon (by men) to be emotionally present, invested and interested in relationships and for moving them along. But this “emotionalism” is apparently then criticized and underappreciated. In a world where neither party is emotionally connected to the other or to the relationship, what would be the glue that keeps us together? Who’s minding the baby?!
Rebecca
Dec 10, 2008
This guy is a laughable nightmare! Yes, he IS both! According to this guy, men will only be and remain attracted to a “cool girl” and a “cool girl is basically someone who is unpredictable, fun, emotionally balanced, has no insecurities, easygoing, and independent?” In other words, she is fictional? What man OR woman is always balanced and has no insecurities? He wants a drinking buddy with girlparts, that’s what he wants. This guy is full of shit and he knows it, but is laughing all the way to the bank. The most sinister aspect here is that he knows nothing, but he is preying on the most vulnerable women in society, those who feel such desperate need of a clue that they will PAY for one (instead of, oh, I don’t know, asking their friends). Stand UP, WOMEN! Think for yourselves! If some guy doesn’t want you, some part of you, deep down, knows why! Trust yourselves and your own wisdom! Bozos like this only serve to foment doubt in our own knowledge. DO NOT GIVE YOUR POWER AWAY!!!
admin
Dec 10, 2008
After thinking about this for a day more, I’m also wondering, What are the equivalent Internet scams preying on male insecurities? Men, any thoughts?
Andy
Dec 12, 2008
Internet scams preying on male insecurities? C’mon, this one’s easy….
Tracy
Dec 23, 2008
Wow, I’m psyched to find a thread on this Christian Carter vampire on this site. I’m not sure exactly how I’ve been getting his daily “teaser” emails (but I’m not being charged for his horrendous e-advice, either) and it is truly ridiculous how impossible he makes it sound to “catch” a guy (as opposed to just be with one on a regular or semi-regular basis). His advice is full of stinky brown stuff and misogyny (so-called cool girls are basically neutered men). He utterly fails to acknowledge that people are individuals, not mere representatives of their sex. I’ve known guys who were more apt to discuss their emotional state than I was! And of course CC knows this. He is just a businessman, out to siphon a few bucks from the very insecure, uncool chickies he (make that the entire male gender) disdains.
Jen
Dec 23, 2008
I would say that the equivalent Internet scams preying on male insecurities would have to be the “Enlarge your penis!” spam e-mails : ) I read the pitch for this book, thought there were some interesting points, but figured that most of it was common sense. As a woman, I don’t think I want to adapt my “technique” to try and “catch a man.” I want to find a man who loves me for who I am, insecurities and all. Because common sense would also indicate that if you adapt to accomplish some of the things Carter is saying, then you’re not really being yourself. Is it better to con someone into being in a relationship with you by faking a “fun girl” personality, and then have the guy freak out six months later when he realizes that’s not actually who you are? Please.
Debra
Dec 24, 2008
Worse off he now has a partnership with e harmony, which you would think would have integrity for their clients and to not subject them to his manipulative ways
How discouraging that this Dr Warren who professes to be upright dating site is pushing this guys (&*(*( down the poor lonely people on his site …..
THAT is appalling — I would understand is match allowed him to advertise but EH???
Lori
Jul 30, 2009
He also has linked up with Plenty of Fish. I deleted that account when I went on for a week for “research. Now I get slammed with his emails. There are some good points but sheesh! Nobody’s PERFECT!
Ange
Dec 25, 2008
I’ve just come across a pointer to Carterland at:
http://www.takebackyourheart.com/
through a Gmail advertisement.
It starts off innocently enough as a letter (conveniently with today’s date, or perhaps that’s just clever programming!) from Kiki Anniston, if that is her real name. She points out that girls who are attracted to jerks/players are probably codependents with an addiction to sociopaths, most likely due to being brought up in an abusive/abandoned family relationship.
I was waiting for the kicker of a link to an easy payment plan for the ebook on how best to avoid sociopaths and learn how to date again without being attracted to the ‘wrong’ types, but strangely enough Mr. Catch Him And Keep Him strikes again!
I’m now somewhat worried that girls who are willing to acknowledge that they are attracted to the ‘wrong’ guys and wish to take steps to avoid following that pattern again, will only be swept into Carterland’s perception of how girls and guys are meant to act.
I also wonder if Kiki Anniston really exists.
Onely
Dec 27, 2008
I’m not a man, but I would imagine that all that penis-enlargement rhetoric out there might take a toll–although it’s more laughable and less subtly insidious than the DeAngelo/Carter-style of rhetoric against women.
FWIW, I find that manslations.com generally provides an honest, intelligent insight into the male mind, AND it’s free.
From what I’ve read above about his reasoning abilities and business practices, I’m sure Carter must be a terribly unhappy, lonely, and repressed person, EVEN as he sits in his jacuzzi drinking fresh-squeezed caviar juice. -CC at Onely
mary
Dec 27, 2008
I fell for this jokers line and it started me feeling like it was all my fault my ex boyfriends were manipulative jerks. Most of them either had ADD, emotional problems from their childhood and drink and use drugs to cover them up, or were Bi-polar and didn’t tell me until they had me hooked! I began to feel I was the reason why they “withdrew” or left. Luckily I had found out the real reasons before Mr. Carters “lessons” from family members or learned it myself. I decided it was not me that caused these men to withdraw! They had problems that were not my fault. Mr. Carter makes it seem it is up to us to be unemotional “Stepford Women” to make a man feel they are no.1! I am really upset I fell for this mans scheme!
CK
Dec 29, 2008
found this for a search for something else, but i’m quite familiar with david deangelo and can say that he has figured women out on a “dating” basis. he ALWAYS steers away from relationship questions and focuses instead on the initial attraction stage and sex.
my question with all this, as he is not wrong on what attraction takes and how it works on both sides, is that how does one integrate the idea that attraction is built on mystery and unpredictableness (basically feeding on insecurities) while what everyone seems to want from a relationship is trust and security and partnership? there is no doubt that a relationship can become boring if a certain amount of inbalance is present (which also keeps both participants on their toes, so to speak, avoiding complacency).
any ideas on this?
CK
Dec 29, 2008
found this for a search for something else, but i’m quite familiar with david deangelo and can say that he has figured women out on a “dating” basis. he ALWAYS steers away from relationship questions and focuses instead on the initial attraction stage and sex.
my question with all this, as he is not wrong on what attraction takes and how it works on both sides, is that how does one integrate the idea that attraction is built on mystery and unpredictability (basically feeding on insecurities) while what everyone seems to want from a relationship is trust and security and partnership? there is no doubt that a relationship can become boring if a certain amount of imbalance isn’t present (which also keeps both participants on their toes, so to speak, avoiding complacency).
any thoughts on this?
salvasan
Dec 29, 2008
>> What are the equivalent Internet scams preying on male insecurities?
Beyond the obvious organ lengthening drug-induced modifications? There’s that whole speed seduction thing/ pick-up artist craze: See
http://current.com/items/88842706/seduction_school.htm
and
http://current.com/items/76314202/behind_the_game.htm
Basically this market aims to convert insecure men into slick chat-up specialists by tapping into their predator/prey instinct. In this community, women (or more correctly, their numbers and facebook pages) essentially become commodities to be mined in night club settings.
Amelia
Jan 01, 2009
Not being a man, I don’t know how many men actually fall for them, but I am constantly getting emails and seeing ads about “male size” and things like that. It seems like if women aren’t complaining about a man being too big, he must be too small then, which obviously isn’t true.
(that’s what those ads want you to think, though)
Glenn
Jan 03, 2009
Same kind of junk is in Cosmopolitan I don’t hear any hollering about that or any of the other womens magazines. They charge money for their dreck too. This is just another get mad at a man thing for not being just like you. Then the admin jumps in and turns it back on us.
Me I have way bigger issues at stake. How about this: if male violence is to be converted into peaceful interaction before we destroy all life on this planet how can women truly help if they don’t examine their own actions and take responsibility for how they contribute to it? Or don’t: I don’t hear you calling out loud and clear stop, somehow stop, you know we can’t stop on our own. You want to blame us. That doesn’t stop anything. Really examine what I am saying here.
Lauri
Jul 14, 2009
OOOOOHHHHH no, ALL women complain about Cosmo. Anyone with half a brain DESPISES that piece of crap. See my comment below- I talk about the heinous sexism of Cosmo. Only high school girls read Cosmo, which in and of itself is bad.
Tracy
Jan 06, 2009
I felt the same when I read ‘he’s just not that into you’ and other stuff though- as if there are some ‘one-size-fits-all’ rules or tips to have a fantastic life and always be in a fantastic relationship! Truthfully I think we should get happier with the concept of being single when we’re single, instead fo seeing it as a problem to fix. Life is passing by whilst worrying about all this crap!!
Cheryl
Aug 25, 2009
The problem is not that Christian Carter has such bad ideas, but that a person can somehow circumvent the hard work to find the right partner–i.e., you have to date a lot a guys you will end up not liking, and you will like guys that don’t like you back, and sometimes treat you like crap. I wish there was a magic formula to just attract the perfect guy that would fall madly in love with me forever, but that is just not real life. I do think his programs are too expensive, but one could think of them like gambling–they are fun but you might lose more money than you could afford! Remember, if something sounds too good to be true, it is.
David
Jan 07, 2009
I once saw a “girlfriend wanted” ad posted on a community bulletin board in Berkeley (a physical bulletin board, not a web board.) The guy’s list of required qualities was many lines long, and included things like “stable, happy, loyal, fun, low maintenance, always there for me…” etc. The response was great: somebody had written in bold block letters across his list: “Get a dog.”
Real men want to date — and partner with — real women. Real women have emotions, family issues, ups and downs, joys and sorrows, bad hair days, the whole catastrophe. The problem with faking up your personality in order to meet someone else’s unrealistic expectations is that you wind up coupled with or married to someone who wants somebody different from who you are.
Silly-me!
Jan 08, 2009
I’m humiliated to think that I actually coughed up for some dating advice from this charlatan. And now he’s going to keep charging my account.
My bank suggested changing my card but won’t guarantee that he won’t just keep charging me BECAUSE I GAVE HIM MY DETAILS OF MY OWN FREE WILL. I might have to close my account, change all my direct debits, my standing orders, my bank details to everyone … what a mess. And that might not work because he has my address!!!
Just shoot me. Please.
Judy
Jan 11, 2009
“After thinking about this for a day more, I’m also wondering, What are the equivalent Internet scams preying on male insecurities? Men, any thoughts?”
===================================|
Oh that’s easy: the dating advice targeted to women is how to catch and keep (i.e. marry) a man. The dating advice for men is how to get laid. Here’s one: http://www.doubleyourdating.com/ … oh wait, the author’s name is David DeAngelo… isn’t that Christian Carter’s alias? Hmmmmmm……
Jiji
Jan 19, 2009
>>How about this: if male violence is to be converted into peaceful interaction before we destroy all life on this planet how can women truly help if they don’t examine their own actions and take responsibility for how they contribute to it?
Men had been in charge (exclusively, as we all know) for millenia, things only began to really change 50 (fifty) years ago. Under these circumstances, I don’t think it would have been easy for women to “contribute” to (of all things) what YOU just termed “male violence”.
No matter what the context, it makes no sense to say that yeah, there’s a problem and men may be responsible for it, but women are more responsible because they aren’t solving it for them and “taking responsibility” too.
Pam
Jan 19, 2009
Thank you to all who commented; I almost bought Carter’s whole package this weekend, when the man I’ve been seeing for 5 months suddenly decided “he isn’t sure he wants a serious relationship”. (he’s been telling me he loves me for 2 months and yes, the relationship is physical) Investigating Carter led me to this page. I really appreciate the few men who have commented, and those who reminded me to think for myself, and not change who I am because a man triggers my insecurities. Just still trying to figure out what to do next in my own situation– it comes down to selling out what I really want (a committed, mutually satisfying relationship that grows- ie: seeing each other 3x/week, doing varied activities) versus once a week date /dinner & dancing/sex night. I am 50 years old, and this BS is making me feel older by the minute (meaning, do I have time for these games? and…. is there any alternative?)
Mark
Feb 01, 2009
I smelt a rat write from the letter from Kitti someone i knew it was a scam and related to this Carter dude, notice he is good looking. Girlls Im a guy and i could smel a rat my instinct was strong and all those emotions are inb man and women. I was horrified to see these poor women sucked into this guys self ego fest. It shows there is aleays a sucker born every minute and theres always someone ready to take your cash. All I saY IS GO WITH YUOR INSTINCT AND YOU DID BECAUSE YOU ARE READING THIS THOSE WHOdidnt bought the e-book, that was another sign any sincerity there would have been a published book-my conclusion who ever is driving this has no sincerity -so how can u swallow what he is saying. Evebn if u relate to his points it is this guys intentions that lack moral fibre-expose cheats lets get to the truth
Katherine
Feb 13, 2009
Yes, Christian Carter is the devil. Thanks for pointing that out. It’d be nice to “get inside the mind of man” as he promises to help you do for the cost of your left arm, your self-esteem, sanity and evolution as a strong woman who doesn’t need all the BS, but the few tips he has in “Catch Him and Keep Him” (which I did actually buy) could be summed up in much fewer words and ought to be free. I think I’ll wait for the movie to come out.
Betta
Feb 26, 2009
I first read his online book, but new something was a miss when there was such a serious and nasty disclaimer that if you copied this online book or somehow forwarded it to someone else that he would find out and fully prosecute you. I’ve never read something so threatening in a book in my life. Yes, I understand he wrote. Yes, I understand he doesn’t want to go without getting paid. As a result of that, I read the book in secret and never told any other girlfriends about him.
I too ordered the online super video package – which was really a rehash of the book. It was a homemade looking video that cost me money. The Half Price bookstore won’t even buy it from me for a few dollars! Zippo!
Then I got some of his follow up CDs. He would have an interview w/some other relationship guru and provide tips to help we poor retarded girls out there. I read the disclaimer closely and new I would be getting these CDs. However, it took me three attempts via phone/email to get everything cancelled! It was not an easy task.
Christian Carter may provide some useful tips, but he is into sales, sales, sales, sales and self-promotion —– that’s it. He is here for the money. He’s makes my skin crawl. I don’t even think HE has a long term girlfriend.
Be very wary of this man!
Tyler
Feb 28, 2009
THANK YOU! I had a very similar 90 minute period of “OMG – it IS all my fault! I SHOULD get this guy’s…wait a minute…”
I even went so far as to respond to one of his emails that keeps showing up in my inbox despite my best efforts to unsubscribe. Something along the lines of:
“Hey douche bag, has it occurred to you that women are allowed to have feelings and not be ‘fun’ all the time? Or that maybe men actually do things that contribute to or bring about the failure of relationships and the success of relationships isn’t entirely decided by everything women do wrong? Or that what you’re really peddling here is a way to make women feel more insecure and neurotic?? You suck. Sincerely.”
Thanks for the post
Trish
Mar 02, 2009
Oh boy, I’m glad I found this site because I was getting ready to spend money I don’t have. I’ve been involved with a man for over 2 years, he has yet to introduce me to his family/friends saying he wants to make sure i won’t embarrass him and won’t allow us to live together until that time. I’ve lost more money than I care to admit in this relationship. I started reading Carter’s advise and thought, “wow’, it IS my fault. I MUST change to make HIM happy.”
are you kidding me? Thank you to everyone here that has posted and opened my eyes to the fact that I DO have a personality and it ain’t half bad! I’m 58 and definitely NOT going to put up with a 60 year old little boy. Mr. Carter cannot convince me now that its all up to me…I do believe its give AND take.
Anna
Mar 13, 2009
Thank you for all your comments. I was very close to order the book myself but thought I should check him up first.
ILKY GURES
Mar 18, 2009
regarding the dating comments you made Im that “Kool person ” and I dont sit analysing or wanting a call or lulling over what or why so in reference to your comment Ive not made mistake and yet MR small stilll went cold”
pls advise that its not always the case .
Kelly
Mar 31, 2009
I just recently broke up with a man who was great in the beginning & after a year he turned out to be a royal jerk. I have met another man I think is terrific and am hoping to make a go of things with him and have been researching online dating tips to help me understand if he really is a great guy. I say the ad for this book and almost bought it but being the intelligent woman I am I researched him. I found two reviews that claimed his book was TERRIFIC and a MUST READ… one was definitely an ad, nor sure about the other. Everything else I found told me this was a scam. Thanks to all of you for posting and helping me to save my money. Also, the advice given by some of the posters was advice I was looking for. Thanks to you all!
Kay
Apr 02, 2009
Have you ever gotten sucked into something that you were also ashamed to read? It happened to me yesterday. I was listlessly checking my email when I noticed a text ad that I must have seen more than 10,000 times. “How to catch and keep a man.” Those ads are as oddly ubiquitous as the text link ads for Acai Berry Wonder Diets, but I always assumed that ads with links like “Why Men Withdraw and What to Do About It” were for women who are more pathetic and malleable than me. Yesterday I joined the masses. And let me tell you. I became sickly fascinated. And angry.
This is exactly what happened to me. I have no idea what possessed me to click on the link (other than the inherent human need to be loved & the failings of many relationships!). Firstly I could feel myself nodding internal agreement to all the scenarios that CC asked ‘Is this you?’ ‘Have you ever done any of the following…?’ and felt myself being drawn ever closer to the man who could save me from my ‘mistakes’. I then started to feel the rage build up; I have spent way too long in life blaming myself for all things that have gone wrong in relationships, only for CC to tell me that actually it was all my fault. I’d rather spend a lifetime alone than read another word that man has ever written. I feel totally manipulated and in need of a shower having come into contact with his msyoginistic outpourings. What a despicable creature, to prey on people’s basic desire to find happiness by expecting them to supress all natural feelings and/or the right to express them is bad enough; but to charge for it….
Kate Lonsom
Apr 09, 2009
Don’t know if it’s worth my time to leave a diverging comment here. But I have to strongly disagree with the comments I have read here. I am a well educated professional feminist woman who has been reading and listening to Christian Carter’s materials for more than two years. The author of this blog has taken things out of context and has completely mischaracterized the message of Carter’s materials. I have had one failed relationship after another in my life. I have worked for ten years in counseling and on my own to figure out why and to break the pattern. I found Carter’s materials to be like a missing puzzle piece in understanding my part in my relationship failures. For the last year and a half I have been in a happy relationship. The first in my 40+years. Of course most of that is due to my own persistence and hard work,but Carter’s materials gave me the tools I needed to better understand: how to communicate with men, how men process and deal with emotions, how to be my true self in the context of relationship and attract a man for who I am, not what I do.
Just wanted to offer a differing perspective. It’s always good to hear both sides of the story. And by the way I do agree that the cd materials are over-priced, but people pay the price because the information is very valuable for them as they has been for me. The book however is only 20$ and more than worth it. I call it my boyfriend owner’s manual:)
Lovinly
Apr 10, 2009
This is the only site that I’ve found that wasn’t some sort of consumer review that didn’t lead to advertising or promoting his products. I, too, was just about to click ‘Finish Order’ when something told me not to. This was my second attempt, and thought for sure I’d go through with it this time. All I wanted was the book and then realized he was going to send DVDs for FREE and that if I didn’t want them I could just send them back..But I thought, what a hassle for me. And yes, it also occurred to me that I’d have to call and ask to unsubscribe within the month. I’m DYING to get into my man’s mind…I just thought this was the ticket. I hear what everyone is saying, and at the same time, I do agree with Kate above that it is likely useful for providing insight. I guess I won’t be ordering it now, and continue to search for some answers about my own situation. But my goodness, I’m 46 and I never thought I’d be needing STILL to learn about men… Nor did I ever think I’d still be learning about me. But I realize..the learning about ourselves and men continue for a lifetime…
Kendra Scott
Apr 19, 2009
I am a intelligent, highly educated, attractive woman and I still have a strong desire to get inside a man’s head but am not motivated by insecurities. So Christian Carter is a ripoff. Can anyone recommend any good books on the subject that I can get at the library?
Melanie
Apr 25, 2009
Hahaha! Thank you all so much! I’m intellegent and well-educated, and yet, my own insecurities had me one click away from ordering this piece of garbage
But like so many of you here, something inside of me told me to check this guy out first. Good for us! If we apply this amazing intuition into choosing men, we’re all going to be just fine. After all, we’ve just successfully avoided being taken in by yet another self-aggrandizing idiot, and that’s really what the challenge is here:) And just for the record, I’ve slept with plenty of guys on the first date – apparently they don’t feel the same way about it as ‘Christian’, because they ALWAYS call me for another date (I don’t mean just for more sex, I mean dinner, trips out of town, the works). I do agree with him, that it is a bad idea to come off as clingy or needy. However, that applies to men just as much as it does to women! Thank you ladies – you’ve just saved me $29.95.
deborah
Apr 30, 2009
Thanks to all off you for your comments.
Good comments very good points!!!
I never signed up for his program because I didn´t have a credit card(thank God!)
But I read a lot of his stuff, hoping I´d learn something positive but the more I read the worse I felt. So I´ve stopped.
So good toknow there are others out there
Nicole
May 05, 2009
Dude, massive thanks for the 411 about this manic. I was so about to purchase his crap but by mail. None-the-less a day at an old folks home with some wise old timers would be a better use of my time and energy learning from them, than to line the pockets of this moron. Keep shouting from the rooftops so all women can hear THIS GUY IS A CON MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sage
May 16, 2009
Wow!!!! I cam across CCs website via MySpace and was about to do the free 7 day order thing, when I thought about doing some investigating. I’m glad I did. I am 47 and just recently joined a dating service…. I’ve been divorced and like others here have said, have had a number of failed relationships. The dating service is not cheap and I have read some bad reviews about the company…and am not sure that I made the right choice…but… I am just going to “do it”.
So I am not going to buy CCs stuff but as Kendra asked, can anyone recommend a good book? Remember the Venus/Mars books? I tried reading them but just could not get into them…
Maxine
May 23, 2009
that’s for posting ladies! I too was nearly convinced by CC (had signed up to the emails, but too wary to purchase). The thing about his emails is that they go into great detail describing common dating/relationship problems so that you really identify with what he’s saying, but the endless hints that it will all be solved by his book just didn’t ring true.
There is def something amiss with “the modern man”s behaviour, and i think that women need to make a stand to let the world know that they deserve better. I don’t actually agree that men and women are hugely different, it is just that society has deemed certain behaviours appropriate for each gender.
It’s all too easy, as a woman to think it is your fault. For years i despaired that i was attracted to the ‘wrong men’, the ones that are more interested in simple sex and don’t value you for the person you are. But my current relationship is the final straw in terms of me taking responsibility for these ‘failures’. I met a guy, didn’t feel instant attraction, complaining to my girlfriends that ‘he was too nice’ (as in, not the normal bastard type that usually turns me on) but he was very persistant at the start, ‘chasing’ me even when i advised that we probably shouldn’t date for various practical reasons. His persistance, gift giving and being nice and considerate, paid off and i decided (note: conscious) to let myself trust him and consider a proper relationship with him. I even think i started to fall in love with him. And this is when the typical situation that CC describes happened, he changed his behaviour, once the chase was over and pulled back and made it clear that he ‘can’t commit’ etc etc. Basically, this sweetheart guy that i thought was a sign of me maturing and finally having a ‘proper relationship’ where we would mutually care for each other, turned around and acted just like the arseholes that i usually date (who i know respect for their upfront and honest nature!!). A most confusing situation.
BUT this behaviour is not restricted to men. Recently i caught up with a guy i dated before i met the confused nice guy. This guy was also nice (something i inherently distrust, perhaps for good reason?) and had a lot of great things going for him. When i saw him recently i was reminded that he is better looking and less superficial that the one i’m currently dating, so why didn’t i pursue him? And the answer is that he was too keen on me. It’s completely stupid, i know, but when someone wants to devote themselves to you they are asking a lot actually, asking for you to live up to their expectations. So i think the guy i’m currently dating is dealing with his own insecurities, after i made it clear that i could consider something serious with him. That part i can understand. Now, the philosophy of CC (or whoever he is) could just work in this situation. If you are ‘fun’ and distract him from his insecurities then they decrease in importance and that is a great thing. What is NOT acceptable though is putting all the onus on the woman in this process. I didn’t cause his insecurities, and am willing to help him work through them if necessary, but why does it have to be through subtle manipulations that take a lot of effort on my part, and worse than that, a very tight control on my own emotions, so as not to provoke any unpleasant ones in him. I mean one of the insecurities is that i have a higher status job than him! That is societies fault, not mine for getting an education and career, so why should i have to spend time and effort soothing his ego about it?
I have seen girls carry out the ‘cool girl’ charade, and consequently get their man, but that is not who i am, so i sincerely hope i find someone that doesn’t expect that of me. And if not i’m happy to have a full life as a single gal with great friends : )
Rebecca
May 29, 2009
Everyone THANK YOU for saving me months of hassels. I was really considering getting the e-book and I went on a search to find if for free out there, when I landed ont his sight. So glad I did! Last thing I want to do is get caught up in hassel that’s really difficult to get out of. I don’t need to focus on a man’s mind, I’ll stick to focusing on just my life. Thanks Again!
Carey
May 31, 2009
Thanks to everyone who posted their comments about this jerk! I did get the e-book and after reading half way through I thought (are girls realy that pathetic). Of course not we are who we are. Men also have to realize we are very emotinal people and we have the right to tell a man what we feel. Cool girl or not. This is just one mans opinion on what he wants from a girl. I have many Male friends and not one of them was as bad as this guy. So girls be yourself and don’t forget who you are.
Shannon
Jun 02, 2009
ok, CC and David deangelo ARE the same person, but that’s not even his/their real name. its eben w. pagan and there is a wikipedia page about him listing him as a member of the “seduction community” and that a name he used for that online community was hypnosis spelled backwards, and he teaches men how to double their dating and how to be a player with women or be in a relationship if he so chooses. he’s about manipulation of your heartstrings and your wallet, regardless of your plumbing, although I do personally agree with some of the earlier posts that he really doesn’t like women and probably thinks we’re the more gullible prey, should act like stepford wives and are to blame for our relationship woes. yes, I have the ebook and I get the emails, although I thankfully never got scammed into the DVD collection being continually sent to me. he’s out to play on our emotions and get our money. he holds no masters or doctorate in psychology or therapy. notice how he’s also not married. if he was legit, why are his books not avail at barnes and noble? and yes, why does eharmony use him? you are all right when you say that acting the CC way will lead to certain demise when your partner starts to see the real you. its the same this with those “why men love bitches” books. you put on an act, what are you left with 5-10 years down the road? I’ve had to learn the hard way that you have to not be afraid to be you. when you try to be something you’re not, that’s when relationships fail.
Debbie
Jun 06, 2009
Not sure where you got your info but Christian Carter is not David DeAngelo…David DeAngelo is Eben Pagen…Christian Carter is Christian Carter..he does seminars in his own name. He gets women because he strikes at their emotions..he knows how to bring up all their(our) fears…all sales is either solving a person’s pain or appealing to their sense of pleasure.
All i can say is that after reading some of his material I began to observe men and talk to my good guy friends about some of the suggestions ..and most of them agreed with him.
i know nothing of the “credit” issues so can’t comment there.
shannon
Jun 08, 2009
yes, after going on google first, then on youtube, you can clearly see that yes, deangelo/pagan ARE the same person, but carter is not, however, they are part of the same marketing company that sells dvds for marketing, relationships, picking up women, and weight loss. i also found another name: adam armstrong in my search, and showed him to be pagan/deangelo. DD, CC, AA……all pseudonyms for god only knows who is behind all of this. the guys on youtube might not even be the real mastermind, just pretty faces to sell the product. it gets pretty scary the more research i did. look also into the whole pickup artist/seduction community and look for jerks named julian foxx and vin decarlo. so scary and sick
lisa
Jun 11, 2009
boy, i am glad i found this message board. i was looking for a place to post a review of this book and i’m not disappointed here.
i read carter’s book with an open mind, and some of the stuff he’s saying makes sense…like…uh, don’t sleep with a guy on the first date if you want him to respect you. but, other than that, it seems like giant tome that could easily be renamed “how to land a jerk in 10 days.” also when you sign up for his newsletter, you get emails from him a couple of times a week, half of which are in BIG CAPITAL LETTERS, telling me everything i’ve ever done wrong. and he tells women not to nag. puhleaze.
i read the e-book and the newsletters for a while, until i couldn’t take the misogynistic viewpoint anymore. i don’t consider myself a feminist, but he really talks down to women. a lot.
“mary says:
I fell for this jokers line and it started me feeling like it was all my fault my ex boyfriends were manipulative jerks. Most of them either had ADD, emotional problems from their childhood and drink and use drugs to cover them up, or were Bi-polar and didn’t tell me until they had me hooked! I began to feel I was the reason why they “withdrew” or left. Luckily I had found out the real reasons before Mr. Carters “lessons” from family members or learned it myself. I decided it was not me that caused these men to withdraw! They had problems that were not my fault.”
mary, i am so with you about the manipulative guys, or the guys who are bipolar and don’t tell you until you’re hooked. i had two very bad experiences with such gentlemen in high school, and then in college, i had a very bad experience with someone who was bipolar and i didn’t know about it until i found out from a mutual friend several years later. that wasn’t my fault. and, when i was in the “getting to know you” stage of the relationship, i, without carter’s advice, did everything i could to make him interested in my personality and my interests, and not my looks. i knew that because i was pretty, i had to work twice as hard as a not-so-pretty girl to get a good guy interested in me. then he withdrew and told me i was too shy (which he knew about me, like, nine months before we even went out), i was too skinny and too pretty. then i found out from my friend that none of that was even true, he was just crazy. la la la.
some stuff carter points out i think are true, like how guys are looking for an emotional and intellectual connection, and only the jerks want just the physical stuff. that is true. i know many guys who will take personality over looks, but i think most men want both. but, i’m tired of the nagging emails and i’m going to unsubscribe. but his approach is that all relationships end because the woman did something wrong, and the guy can’t put up with his naggy gf’s PMSing anymore, and that isn’t true at all.
anyway, i am in a relationship and the person i am with loves me for all my quirks, my insecurities and puts up with my schizophrenic mom calling him at 2 a.m. wondering where i am.
i also was suspicious of him pushing the online dating thing. i was like…is he…making money off some online dating site?
sorry this is so long.
Rachel
Jun 11, 2009
I illegally obtained his book from sites I’m not too proud to mention, to read what exactly he had to say and was disappointed with the garbage he was spewing. But, c’est la vie.
On a completely unrelated note, I thought I’d comment on the types of things that men are getting: anyone ever heard of the Sex God Method? Or… How to get a Woman to Do WHATEVER YOU WANT?
Yeah. Talk about disgusting. I’m just surprised no one has made mention of this piece of garbage.
http://www.sexgodmethod.com/
Colleen
Jun 12, 2009
Chris Carter’s ads are on the logout page of E-Harmony’s site. I am currently dating a guy and everything was going swimmingly until I asked him to have dinner with myself and another couple, then he freaked about being trapped and committing to couples activities etc… Whatever, guy has issues. Then of course he pulls back. Stops calling me everyday (and night) stops telling me he can’t wait to see me. In a week moment I clicked on the link for the Catch Him and Keep Him site.
I’m in Internet Marketing so I recognize the style of site that he has. The fact that he is the first 5 or so pages on the search engines, all blogs, ezine articles and what not, pointing to his site. It took some searching to find complaints about him, but I’m glad I took the time. What a scam artist. Praying on women’s emotions and insecurities.
After reading your blog, I feel once again empowered. I suggest “He’s Just not that Into You” by Greg Behrendt. Under $15 and you can pick it up at any book store. So much more helpful and Greg’s book works on building your self esteem, not tearing it down. There are too many men out there ready to do the latter.
Ladies, don’t listen to Chris Carter, he’s a hack!
Singletude: A Positive Blog for Singles
Jun 29, 2009
I’ve read Christian Carter’s ubiquitous ads but never gave up my credit card number. I’m not surprised to learn now, a year or two later, that he’s a scammer of the first order.
Yes, this guy seems like a world class misogynist, and yes, he’s preying on insecure people (which is all of us, at one time or another). There are many others like him floating around the Internet, as other commenters have pointed out, and they’ve been adequately described above.
What stands out to me most about these charlatans is that they ALL dispense the same message–how to have a faux relationship. Whatever men may want or not want, most women want to be in a relationship for the sake of companionship, support, emotional intimacy, romance. In short, we want to experience a genuine connection with someone. What these misleading programs teach is that you not only have to adopt behaviors and traits that may be alien to who you are but that you also should never expect to have that genuine relationship that you long for. The most you should expect is to have some lighthearted fun because, according to this knucklehead, that’s all men want.
I ask you, what woman would want a relationship like that? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of a relationship? Yet somehow these fools sell their shtick to woman after woman.
I wonder if the popularity of this drivel can be partly blamed on the discrimination single women face. Perhaps if we didn’t confront so much pressure to accept coupling as a norm, we wouldn’t be so ready to blame ourselves if we don’t or tolerate a sham relationship just to have the cache of a boyfriend.
Rick P
Jun 29, 2009
“cool girl is basically someone who is unpredictable, fun, emotionally balanced, has no insecurities, easygoing, and independent.”
It’s interesting so many of you are offended about this instead of keeping an open mind for learning.
Obviously there are exceptions but it is a reality of life that people (men and women) with the above description have more opportunities to be in a relationship than someone boring, not fun, emotionally unstable with lots of insecurities.
Most attractive people have LOTS of options. If you want to improve your chances of having someone like that in your life, obviously you’d want to be the best person you can be and have your life together.
“I ONLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP with a woman who already has her act together, is attractive, healthy, independent, easy-going, confident, and who is emotionally in control of herself and her own life.. . . without trying to change me or turning our relationship into MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on my own.”
Duh. I’m sure most of you here would prefer a man with the above description too.
Dating Book
Jul 09, 2009
[...] the original post: Is it me or is Christian Carter of “Catch Him and Keep Him” the … Share and [...]
Lauri
Jul 14, 2009
uggghhh…..I HATE this sexist B.S. If both women and men hate being with each other so much, and we’re soooo different from one another, and we’re all supposed to pretend we’re something we’re not, then why are we even freaking BOTHERING?
These “dating gurus” always, always, blame women for any and all relationship problems. We all want to marry ANY guy who crosses our paths and immediately procreate. We all complain and moan and try to change men and get fat and wear the wrong clothes and too much make up or not enough make up or we’re too happy with our careers or we don’t have a good enough career or we make too much money or we’re mooching off a guy or we’re not giving them enough sex or we’re sleeping with them too early….it never ends. Apparently, in relationships, women can do nothing right. Men, however, just sit back and dictate how things are “supposed” to be. As far as I know, the whole point of this dating and relationship thing is for there to be 2 people.
I once picked up a Cosmo while waiting in line at the pharmacy. The headline on the cover was “the ONE thing you can do that will make him your’s.” It wasn’t one thing, it wasn’t one thing, it was a whole list of things. And wasn’t what you can do, it was what you CAN’T do. Some gems from that article:
-always wear tight jeans and heels on a date. Never wear a lose fitting dress or flats
-do not mention your job, ever. Even if you’re not complaining, when women talk about jobs it sounds like they’re complaining.
-just don’t talk period. Anything a woman says is just boring to a guy.
It sounds like I am exaggerating, but these are almost literal quotes from this article. The fact that WOMEN eat this crap up and shell out hard earned dollars for it is sickening.
Rachel
May 03, 2010
I can’t tell you how much I like your comment….
You just said it all!!!