Is it me or is Christian Carter of “Catch Him and Keep Him” the devil?
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Dec 09, 2008 - Written by Sasha Cagen | Filed under: Dating
Have you ever gotten sucked into something that you were also ashamed to read? It happened to me yesterday. I was listlessly checking my email when I noticed a text ad that I must have seen more than 10,000 times. “How to catch and keep a man.” Those ads are as oddly ubiquitous as the text link ads for Acai Berry Wonder Diets, but I always assumed that ads with links like “Why Men Withdraw and What to Do About It” were for women who are more pathetic and malleable than me. Yesterday I joined the masses. And let me tell you. I became sickly fascinated. And angry.
I was vulnerable to that horrible ad because I recently heard something along the lines of “I’m just looking for something casual.” Somehow I find that impossible not to take personally. I clicked on the link–”The Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes Women Make”–and found myself swimming through simple, one-sentence direct-mail style paragraphs, like:
“Have you ever slept with a guy very quickly after meeting him, but as it started to happen you got that sinking feeling in your stomach? You knew it was a mistake, but you did it anyway. And then the thing you KNEW would happen actually happened: He unexplainably disappeared from your life. Honestly, have you ever had this happen?”
Of course, the worst part wasn’t that it happened, but that you KNEW you shouldn’t have done it in the first place… but you did it anyway.
Ummm, who hasn’t?
Christian Carter offers to tell women how to avoid the ten fatal mistakes most women make with men, or how to engage and attract a man right after you meet in person, if you are so good as to enter your credit card number to receive his e-book.
The worst mistake a woman can make is not seeking help. Because men are so hard to understand, and Christian Carter has spent years reading every relationship book ever published, and he has thought deeply about the psychology of men and women when they are dating. And he can help! So sign up and give him your credit card for his e-book at a price of $29.97 and his emails (interviews with relationship and dating experts) at a monthly charge of $19.97. The sickest thing is that for a moment I even considered typing my credit card address, until I awoke from the hallucination and realized it would be hell to get him to stop charging me money. His real name is David DeAngelo, and once I had the wherewithal to do a search-binge on him, I found numerous consumer complaints from women who claimed that he wouldn’t stop charging them after they asked to unsubscribe.
I could see this was a psychological master who knew how to manipulate an audience. The stock trade in any self-help e-book purchase is to tap into the reader’s insecurities and promise you have the long-sought-after answer. In this case, it’s about tapping into woman’s insecurities and confusion over male behavior, with the promise of understanding of learning what’s going on behind the scenes of a man’s mind.
WHEN A MAN SAYS…
“I don’t want a serious relationship right now.”
WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS…
“I ONLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP with a woman who
already has her act together, is attractive,
healthy, independent, easy-going, confident, and
who is emotionally in control of herself and her
own life.. . . without trying to change me or turning our relationship
into MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on my
own.”Does this make sense?
Again, he’s NOT imagining a picture of an
overly-emotional, predictable, needy woman who is
trying to get him to connect with her and sharing
her feelings because she’s so worried about things
“working out.”
In my google-searching, I found a post by this woman, who pretty much summarized his point of view. She’s been reading him for longer than me, so I’ll let her do the heavy lifting of distilling his advice:
One of my friends suggested I register at his website. Since then, I’ve been getting extremely annoying emails about how to “CATCH and KEEP” a man, like he’s a freakin’ trout or something.
Pearls of wisdom have included:
1. Don’t sleep with a guy “too soon” (time frame not included–so just guess)
2. Don’t be “predictable”, or his attraction will magically end (must I be in a different country each time he calls…?)
3. Don’t discuss any emotional issues at all, ever, God forbid, or it’s all over, period
4. Don’t assume that just because you’ve been dating for months you’re in a “relationship” (WTF?)
5. Try to appear at all times to be a)selective b)unemotional c)hard-to-get d)a robot woman
6. In general, subvert any and all natural inclinations you may have as a woman, and pretend like nothing means really anything at all to you, or else any guy, anywhere, will run like the wind from you, because guys can’t stand a woman that harbors an actual emotion that might pertain to said guy.
All the mystery boils down to you, women. The problem is you. You are too emotional. The way to create a great emotional connection with a man is to never burden him with your emotions. It’s hard to imagine exactly what this great emotional connection consists of, except the idea that the man “feels great” when he’s with you, better than when he is single, and you as the woman are not constantly analyzing the relationship.
The whole thing consumed me for about 90 minutes and made me feel sick for several reasons. I’ll admit that my feelings were not altogether rational at the time, but they were a product of being brainwashed by his mind-sucking prose:
1) The feeling that men and women are so irreconcilably different that we can never truly be ourselves with each other; anything that promotes this idea is just depressing. It makes me wonder if pre-industrial societies had it right when men and women didn’t expect their mates to be their best friends, and instead found companionship with same-sex friends
2) The way that women get blamed simply for being women and having some emotional needs to–guess what?–be themselves. According to Carter, men want to be with a “cool girl” and a “cool girl is basically someone who is unpredictable, fun, emotionally balanced, has no insecurities, easygoing, and independent.” Ummm, is this true? Could it be? This marketing campaign is obviously aimed at a very mainstream, middle American audience. Are there really that many men who prefer not to deal with emotions at all?
3) At the same time, I hate sitting around with a group of women complaining that “All men are dogs,” etc. I know men are more complicated than that and that there are men who are out there who really want to connect with other men as friends and women as partners (or men if they are gay). It’s just that reading this stereotypical garbage, combined with the shitty and mystifying ways that some men act, make me and other women feel confused and despairing.
4) The preying on women’s insecurities then taking their credit card numbers for recurring charges. That just sucks. Period. It’s a very profitable enterprise to continually charge people $19.97 a month for emails, especially when you don’t honor their requests to unsubscribe.
Why am I writing about this and even giving this bozo any attention? Because people like him have influence. He seems more powerful than the authors of the Rules, because he’s a man, and supposedly offers an inside view. I am fascinated by how mystified we men and women seem to be with each other. So what is the antidote–ar the antidate to the dating breakdown in communication? I discussed this with one female roommate so far, who was equally horrified and livid when she read his stuff, and one male friend, who said, talk to your male friends. They’re much more similar in mindset to the men you are trying to date. What think you? Is there any validity to his advice and worldview, or is this just garbage? Let the quirkyalone version of this conversation begin in the comments.
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329 Responses to “Is it me or is Christian Carter of “Catch Him and Keep Him” the devil?”
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Are you a quirkyalone?
Quirkyalone: n. adj. a person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and prefers being single to dating for the sake of dating. It’s a mindset. Quirkyalone is not anti-love. It is pro-love. It is not anti-dating. It is anti-compulsory dating. Quirkyalone is a book, a holiday, and a movement. Are you a quirkyalone? Take the quiz and read the original essay to find out.
Just for fun
Lauri
Jul 14, 2009
You know, I was just thinking. The most needy, emotionally unbalanced, desperate, insecure women I know are married.
sarah
Jun 25, 2010
i have read a few books, articles etc about how to be with men, but what i have finally realized is that of course men dont want someone who is needy or over emotional just as a woman doesnt want a man like that, but the most important thing is to just be yourself, then u will attract someone who is right for u.
Susie
Jul 19, 2009
I agree that much of what CC writes about focuses on getting the woman to assume virtually all responsibility for the success of failure of the relationship. At the same time, he has written the odd thing that’s useful. His stuff on what a “mature man” is is a great reminder not to get involved with self-centered men who DO make you completely responsible for the happiness of the relationship. The trick, with his stuff, is to never subscribe or buy his books/DVDs, get his little e-mails for free and then pick through them to see if there is anything useful in them. (If nothing else, his “mature man” material helped me get out of a relationship in which a guy SAID he loved me, but frequently DID things that showed he didn’t – like attacking me verbally because I didn’t respond in the way I “should”.)
Rachel
May 03, 2010
Thank you, Susie, you expressed exactly what I wanted to say… I too, felt sickened that I was suckered in by this fool pretending to be an expert on male/female psychology and relationships. His book was so simplistic and full of grammatical mistakes, it was laughable! As a high school English teacher, I’d have to say a student who turned in such a poorly researched and written work in my class would receive a D+ at best!
Christian Carter’s shameless prey on women’s insecurities to turn a profit is indeed reprehensible… However, he has inadvertently given a few good pieces of advice on how to avoid the “jerks” and emotional midgets and move on to the mature, moral “good men” out there. They are there, ladies, and have always been there. We just need to stop swallowing the premise that relationships are all the responsibilty of the female – and wake up to the fact that many men are just creeps! The disturbing thing is that Christian Carter is out there influencing a lot of insecure women who are desperate to find a man, “catch him” (like a trout), and hold on for dear life. The title of his book seems to contradict his advice… and the entire text is so full of contradictions and repetition, it’s mind-numbing!!
Oh, and one more thing… who’s to say that a relationship that ends in marriage is necessarily a “success”? Did CC check the divorce statistics in this country? And who’s to say that every woman even desires marriage? I’ve had several relationships that I consider meaningful, enriching, and “successful” – and none of them resulted in marriage – by my choice!!
The momentarily obnoxious H.
Jul 22, 2009
Gosh, I usually would not feel like commenting, but I think too many women in this thread are doing harm to themselves by simplifying things and running into a wall just because it is in the opposite direction.
And YES, I feel entitled to do so because I am a man.
I still want to add that I absolutely of disagree with any kind of credit card fraud. I also understand that women would feel more awkward getting “help” from such a book and feeling more desperate than a man would (this already proves a point about great differences between the sexes by the way)
I am very interested in psychology and when I saw the ad, I was curious whether the things written in there were true, AND THEY ARE. I am not a cold man, I am reasonable, well educated and confront my own emotions, and I could still not believe that this book made me understand so well why I lost interest in some girls when I was unable to explain it.
I recognized so many situations I had been in and I somehow felt less guilty by seeing that those women simply broke rules that applied to a majority of men.
STOP!
I get that many want to take me as an example for the blame being put on women, but I am not. Men and women both make mistakes. Men’s mistakes just lead to not getting together with women they want and therefore settling with some they are not satisfied with. Women’s mistakes lead to choosing the wrong guy out of the many she could have had or chasing the right one away.
The mistakes of both sides can still be prevented by understanding what the other side wants and WITHOUT HAVING TO HIDE WHO YOU ARE. It is just a blatant exaggeration to claim that this book does so, it is even an insult to women (yes, I’m a bit mad at the moment)
After all, being interesting and unpredictable just means : don’t be a boring couch potato (you don’t have to go skydiving or be a schizo) and I have met tons of women who fit that description (I have mainly female friends, because they are more fun and more interesting)
To say that the women this book praises are just cold fictional creatures destined to live an unhappy life is an insult to millions of great women out there, some of which you all know and have as your friends. (just as I do)
Some women here seemed to assume that the proposals of action described the new roles they would have to play, while it just explained : this is what makes a cool female person.
It is not an explanation how to be a bitch, a slut or some heartless creature, it just explains what men really seek in women. If you are telling a friend of yours not to talk about marriage on the first date or not to call a guy ten times a day, are you then feeling guilty because you are telling her to hide her personality??????
Most probably no, you rather think that her insecurities are not her entire personality and that the guy should first get to know what she really is about, because women are more than just their insecurities, just as men are.
Men are humans too and know women have insecurities, just as you know that men have them. But nobody of any sex wants to have those thrown in your face before you get to know the rest of the person.
By the way, it sounds hypocritical if some women seem shocked by the idea of differences between male and female thinking, while they would still not date a guy who behaves like a woman.
In general terms: woman breaks up because guy makes mistake or she has issues; same thing when man breaks up. The mistake may be the incompatibility of those two personalities or the lack of understanding how the other sex functions. Would be sad if it happened only because of the latter, wouldn’t it?
Just my basic message, not all of you need this book, but the more you protest the more you seem not to understand that at least his explanations are right. (Don’t you think I felt stupid for having some Pickup Artist explain to me how I function without having realized it before?) I found it interesting, but am glad I got it for free for it just satisfied my curiosity.
If this seemed like a good marketing measure, I accept the compliment even though that wasn’t my goal. (no marketing exp. work in the legal business) I don’t want you to buy this book, just take the truths you can get out of it and use them somehow to your advantage.
Patty
May 27, 2010
Well Mr. H.it appears to me that you sure took quite a bit of thought and time typing that one out. You make some good points. I am curious, now almost a year later, are you still single? Seriously, I’m curious, still single, or did you finally find someone who figured you out? ~Signed, Me
idiosyncratic
Jul 23, 2009
As has been pointed out, Carter says that relationships should not involve MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on my own. However, the tips Carter describes on how to “get a man” (and frankly, the men he describes) definitely involve WAY more work and WAY less fun than I can have on my own. Hence, I am a quirkyalone. (I really don’t know what women would find his approach “fun”.)
.
Sun (Lori)
Jul 30, 2009
Christian Carter is too depressing for us to read. He wants to strip you of all that you are and change your gender. If you are seeing a guy who can’t take you for you, dump him.
I will admit, I have read about four of those emails. All I am am single, 45 and had been seeing someone for a little while as really good friends. There is no emotion in our relationship, absolutely no romance.
It had sucked (for me more than him I believe) but we both have had issues that our friendship has helped to work out. It takes time and patience and who knows whether or not we will grow into something more, but my point is, I have learned a great deal from this guy. I learned what kind of man I need in my life. He lacks affection. Not the man for me.
johnny
Aug 03, 2009
Hey, I’m a guy in my mid-fifties, divorced for a couple of years and actively dating.
At least there is one thing that comes with age–no one out there, including this dating guru, knows anymore about anything than you do. It’s all huff and blow and smoke on their side. Some people might have some unique personal issues, but most don’t. And if you have those issues, spend a few hundred dollars and see a professional therapist. Other than that, trust your own instincts.
Lynn
Aug 10, 2009
Thank you to the man (“The momentarily obnoxious H” – funny name for your posting-lol) who gave his full ranged perspective – and a balanced one at that.
Thank you for all the thoughts shared here – even those that I feel were taken way out of context (having experienced all sides of this discussion).
I DO have to say though that I, too, have been reading Christian Carter’s emails for years, bought the ebook (didn’t have ongoing charges of any kind, though) and recently bought the DVD series.
You have to listen to ANYTHING with a grain of salt and interpret it for what fits for you and what resonates. Yes, there are generalities that he uses – that will be inherent in advice of this kind – but HE EVEN SAYS within his work that everyone is different.
He also does NOT advocate dating jerks – he even talks about that (at least on the DVD series) and suggests that instead of us trying to figure out how to snag a man who’s an asshole or jerk, how about seeing that they’re one of those and not waste our effort – how about having self-respect and making better choices.
He also talked about when having the ‘talk’ with a man, to NOT approach it in a weak way of “well, can I share something with you’, all cautious and stepping on rice paper – but to speak with confidence and share your truth. That a man will love, respect and honor when he’s being communicated with a girl who’s not afraid to say what’s so for them and does so with ease and confidence (and with caring and without blame, I might add).
So, that, along with some other tidbits, I’m picking up that resonate with me are helpful. Does he drivel on and on (take 1000 words to say a point that could be conveyed in 250 words), sure. Are there things he says that just feel like too broad a generalization t times, sure. But there ARE some gems there and I’m finding it to be a reminder to cultivate ourselves into being the best person we can be – for ourselves first – and that our being authentic, confident and not afraid of speaking our truth will be what attracts a real man of quality into our life.
As for the marketing techniques and credit card charges – I’m sorry to hear the company took longer than it should to reimburse but TRUST ME, they WILL because they do NOT want to bring down this business because of not honoring cancelling accounts. They probably just had some internal issues in getting it handled.
And look, this IS a business, so of course he’s going to charge for his materials or it wouldn’t be out there. Its OUR choice to buy or not so take responsibility for that and don’t make him wrong for putting materials out there.
I actually applaud him for the emails he sends as he is actually giving advice within them and not just sending out long sales letters (which a lot more other marketing styles do). So he’s given away a LOT for free (whether you agree with his
advice or not).
In the end, the best advice is to listen to your heart – start trusting that source – and ALWAYS stand in your truth and your power – and leave the voices of insecurity on low while focusing on the appreciation of who you are and what you have to offer – not in a ‘proving’ type of way (THAT is what turns people off and has men pull back) but in a knowing, allowing, open, even radiant way. THAT will be a turbo-charged magnet for a man in your life.
Good luck to everyone, I DO wish for all of us to find love. Its there in abundance, if we allow ourselves to look at it that way instead of focusing on the negative.
FYI, I’m seeing someone right now (I’m 47 and he’s 43) At first I was having trouble getting my brain around why he wouldn’t be in communication more often between dates – especially when we were having these amazing dates together (going out about twice a week) and then, after talking with some girlfriends and guy friends I learned that some men just are that way – they’ll be thinking about you but they’re not necessarily reaching out to you.
Even my girlfriend’s husband of now 15 years – he always was that way, even when he was courting her. He’s gotten better over the years, thanks to her communicating what she needs and wants, but its just different styles.
Its in understanding these type of things that help us to not react in ways that will then push someone away. In allowing that to happen instead of panicking and my over calling or texting him to overcompensate or, the converse, my pulling away thinking it means he’s not interested, its allowed this beautiful relationship to develop and evolve.
Sometimes, we need to be given the chance for us to be seen as our real selves and in the beginning there’s so much ’stuff’ going on that other factors keep it from being experienced and something that could have been great is pushed away or discarded.
I appreciate and embrace these ideas that can act as tools for understanding and guide us into allowing something real to happen and to find love.
teenage girl trying to figure it out
Aug 25, 2009
Thank you for that analysis– it helped a lot.
I read Mr. Carter’s advice in somewhat of a state of desperation and found a lot of it to be really useful in figuring out why why I had been in certain harmful relationships.
It is interesting that my parents had been trying to communicate the importance of self-worth but I didn’t really understand what they were saying… resulting in a period of bad relationships, compromises of integrity and emotional pain.
So, while I wouldn’t buy his products, I have signed up for his emails and will plan to take what works.
The best part about what you said was (paraphrased):
Speak with confidence and share your truth because a man will love, respect and honor communication from a girl who’s not afraid to speak knowingly, in a non-judgmental way.
As women, we must cultivate within ourselves our better natures – being the best for ourselves first – because being authentic, confident, not afraid of our own virtue and assured in our self worth will be what attracts a real man of quality into our lives.
Thanks for helping me realize that again.
MR
Apr 15, 2010
I wholeheartedly agree with everything you have said. I’ve never been one for self-help, but Mr. Carter’s book is worth reading. Some points make perfect sense and his insight into the male psyche is astounding at times.
In this day and age, courtship and what women and men expect of each other in courtship has changed. And not for the best. Women have lost a lot. Mr. Carter basically preaches that women should have more self-respect, be more selective with the men the lets into her life, refrain from dating jerks and once in a relationship, understand the male psyche in order to make it work. There is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with a bit of empathy, of putting yourself in your partners position and from that position, reaching out. Should women do all the work? Of course not, but since you’re the only one you can change, why not aim for self-improvement, why not aim for learning how to teach a guy to be your guy?
As for Carter charging for his materials… we all have to eat. It’s a business, but he’s not a con-artist. He’s just a guy with one hell of a lot of insight.
Paulette
Aug 18, 2009
Christian Carter is legit. His prices are fair. He’s not perfect, but if you read and listen to his ideas, they make sense. There are a lot of negative posters here, but you also gotta take your own personality into consideration. If things do not work out, it’s because you are not applying it correctly or you haven’t taken the ideas to heart, or it’s your personality!
Les
Feb 10, 2010
LOLOLOLOL..omg. I’m not playing make believe or compromising my character to “catch” any man. According to this “logic” I suppose my now exboyfriend was jerking off online with strangers and burning up his cell phone because I’M F’d up in the head?? I think not.
melissa
Oct 01, 2009
OMG….though I have MUCH to say, I wont even waste time on a “book” written by someone as pedestrian and unevolved as Carter..(plus I am sure there are many women out there who will do it for me;) .If it werent for the fact that “information” like this is destructive when read by maliable individuals it is merely laughable…Carter you are a narcissistic slob who hopefully does not believe these things…I would almost respect you more if I thought you were doing this for money than for the fact that you believe your own shit…The only self respecting women who would even buy or read this (aside from those who are merely curious…like one would be when passing a train wreck) are most definitely victims of abuse for whom English is a second (or third) language..and it is not right to prey on them..Your narrowmindedness is staggering, distasteful and irresponsible and your aversion to women as equals or valuable at all, obvious and repulsive, but no threat to me..OR MAYBE YOU ARE JUST TO MUCH OF A CATCH FOR ME AND I AM THREATENED BY THAT…LOL!
RSO
Nov 10, 2009
Thanks for your comment! I bought Carter’s DVDs after searching online something to cheer me up after a relationship break and I have felt like a stupid shit month after month with the installements. Although, for the Medium class American maybe Carter is revolutionary! it was not for me, all the contrary, in fact (I live in Spain) but I can say that some of the interviews (mainly the one to Mary Forleo) are helpul and interesting
Crystal
Oct 01, 2009
Ok, when a man is advising us on how to MAKE A MAN feel emotions for us, something is wrong. He speaks as if men are dogs to train and catch. He ‘advises’ on how to capture a man and get him to feel things for us…um, no, sorry, but I personally dont want to force a man to love me, or trick him into thinking he does. I just had a bad break up which i why I looked into him, but his stuff is bullshit, and any guy would tell you so. Just be yourself, dont be or act stupid, and a man will love you for you, not because you are tricking him into it.
Rachel
May 03, 2010
Amen! The idea that we, as females, have to trick and manipulate a man to get him to “love” us is just a complete contradiction to the notion of “being true to yourself,” and developing healthy self-esteem!
I am a high school art teacher, and I am constantly helping kids (male and female) to express themselves, celebrate their individuality, and nurture a healthy viewpoint of themselves. Teenage girls in particular struggle with their self-image, as they are bombarded daily by media images and messages telling them they must be something they are not – - much of it in order to “snare” a man and hold on to him for dear life!
That’s the problem I have with this guy who wrote this… I agree, he’s not really an author who deserves all the time and attention I’m giving him here…. but it’s disturbing that so many women are listening to an author who has so very little of value to say…
Jasmine
Oct 12, 2009
HAHAH! Very true! I’ve been receiving his email adds and I’ve been amazed how the titles “follow” whatever my emotion/insecurity of that day is. It’s odd, like the person sending it has been in my head or something. I also contemplated ordering it, but when I read about the subscription thought better of it. Plus I learned that communication is the key to healthy relationships, and he’s essentially telling women to keep quiet, play hard to get, and pretend to be perfect. HA! I wonder how healthy his relationships are….
Cathy
Oct 15, 2009
I think he is a savy marketing scammer. I mistakenly clicked on his ad. It asked for my email address, now I am getting his “newsletter” that basically is full of hot air and typos. It preys on your insecurities. My boyfriend was getting similar “newsletters” from a guy named David DeAngelo who claimed to be an expert on women. The writing style is so similar, I suspect they are the same person. If you want to give him your credit card, go ahead, but I’m betting you’ll just get a verbal run around. I got a headache reading his crap that never seems to make a point.
Nettie
Sep 05, 2010
Yep … you are right. One and the same person. Predator at its best. Good luck. I was curious, gave him my email address. Suckered in and now bailing out fast. Preys on people with LOW SELF-ESTEEM. I’m not changing for any man either. Love me as I am or leave me alone thanks.
Caroline
Oct 17, 2009
I agree that CC’s material is worth reading.I kept making the same stupid mistakes over and over in relationships. Some guys were nice, some assholes, it didnt matter, they all ended. I had a great career, many years of transformational therapy under my belt, and still it seemed, no ability to move past the initial part of the relationship. After reading CC’s book, I wanted to scream, not only because his presentation is so cheesy, but because if I had only known a few basic things I might have had a better shot. I applied much of what he said and find myself now engaged with a great guy. My man dotes on me, adores me and loves all of me. I am more self expressed and self confident in this relationship than any other. What CC says is downright uncomfortable and seemingly anti-feminist, but if done correctly, he offers great tools that work. I only bought the ebook, which is a fair price, and did not go for anything else. His marketing could use an upgrade.
And I do not agree that he says to put on an act, quite the opposite, he teaches to be yourself, to speak your truth from the get go in a confident and calm way. To stand up for what you want, and if you are not met to move on. i feel I have a much better gauge at what is legitimately a concern,and what is just guy stuff, and then how to deal with that. Where is the problem??
Pat
Oct 20, 2009
I have enjoyed the programs. I have six of them in addition to the ebook. But some of the comments I read above are obsurd. For instance that females are supposed to be quiet and play hard to get. His entire program on Communication Secrets is on communication, and it never implied keeping quiet. I think he has done a great job of putting into words the feelings and details that are obviously more common that I realized. I assume he does a similar mens’ program. And I hope it’s as right on, putting emphasis on teaching men how to listen. The programs were expensive, and that is my only complaint. That and the fact that women are the ones who care about relationships to purchase them. Guys act as if all they have to do is breathe. I wish Christian could make some comments on that.
Londongirl.
Feb 13, 2011
Hello, im really curious as to what program did u enjoy the most?
I really want to buy his dvd’s but im still quite undecided as to which one is the best. I know it depends of what particular situation is going on in ur life. They are pricey and thats why i cant afford to buy them all.
i would really appreciate a reply.
thank you
Yeepy
Oct 26, 2009
I don’t read trash like Carter’s. I don’t read “The Rules”. I’m happy being solo and I don’t care what men think.
Now if a few of you would just line up to take off my hands the men who literally chase and stalk me all the time because something about all of the above attracts them like fruit flies.
Danielle
Nov 17, 2009
all of the above what? I can’t tell if you are sarcastic or just a crazy person…..
Danielle
Nov 17, 2009
I found his book very intriguing. I haven’t experienced any installments or charges yet. I will raise hell if I do. However, I am all for chicks learning to change. I think women are way too emotional and annoying, and even though I am one. I honeslty have to say I have experienced this first hand…everything I read made sense to me. Was no real epiphony. Guys don’t want drama, and you can def. have feelings with them, infact once they are really into you, they love it. There are also different types of men. Some are asbolute lugheds while others are spiritual, connected, wordly, open-minded and you actually feel like you can really connect. I am learning a lot. Going to listen to the Interviews cd that came in the mail. I am being very open-minded. And well I never once didn’t sleep with a guy too soon. That’s a HUGE one for me…..that’s very easy to correct as I am tired of being single. Even though I have had 3 men in the last year, all adoring me like crazy……I am doing somrthing right, but they are just not the right ones. It’s time for me to be more respectful of myself…and “be selective”…hell yeah!
Deb
Nov 17, 2009
I somehow got sucked into clicking on that ad some time ago, too. Now I keep getting the emails from him. I read them out of some sick fascination, and they sometimes make my blood boil.
Especially when he tells the reader to look in the mirror and slap themselves in the face.
I ask this, why do women still have to do all the work? (Like read his books) And men apparently still have the ability to go about life as they please, according to Mr Carter. Does he ever help MEN understand WOMEN?
And he’s obviously never met some of the emotional train wrecks (men) I’ve dated.
spinsterette
Nov 22, 2009
Christian Carter is no different to any other published relationship “expert” writing for single women.
It’s always the woman’s fault, always the woman who has to change, and never the man – a point I’ve only just noticed myself after reading too many of the things.
To be honest, I feel like the publishing world has manufactured a gender war to ensure demand: men are taught to manipulate women (e.g. Pick Up Artists) and women are taught to blame themselves for falling for the men’s manipulations. Likewise, women’s magazines tell women how to change themselves for men, and men’s magazines tell men how to sleep with as many women as possible.
Carter’s a great copywriter and marketer, nothing more.
Independent Woman
Apr 26, 2010
I couldn’t agree more with you…
Lisa
May 03, 2010
Well said, spinsterette! You are very perceptive about the media and the marketing of “books that sell.” As someone who worked in the publishing field for many years, I can tell you that truth, inspiration, or even inteiligence have little to do with what gets printed out there… it’s all about SALES. Preying on women’s insecurities and men’s feeling of entitlement is what is producing SALES for this guy….
spinsterette
Nov 22, 2009
Sorry if that sounded harsh: I’m confused and despairing too
spinsterette
Nov 30, 2009
The momuntarily obnoxious H and Lynn have the same writing patterns — they wouldn’t be the same PR person, would they?
Alex
Dec 05, 2009
What?You put CC down for charging money for his book despite the fact that you are promioting your own book on this site and on amazon?
Why dont you just give it away for free ha?
Lia
Dec 06, 2009
I’ve read CC’s e-book, as well watched 3 of his dvd programs. Are they far too expensive? Yes. Are they incredible helpful for women seeking to understand men? Most definitely.
I think the conflict here is that some buyers of his programs go into with expectations that don’t match up with what he actually does. This program is NOT going to make you feel better about being single, and it is NOT going to make you feel like you have a firm understanding of human relationships.
What it will do is tell you what men need from women. That’s the bottom line. If men truly need women who are less emotional (read: MORE emotionally balanced), then that is really beside the point. We can lament all day how weak and fragile and un-evolved men are. If you, as a woman, consciously choose not to meet the needs of the man you are with, then that’s fine for you. But, as with anything, you must deal with the repercussions of who you are and what you do. An the repercussions might in fact be singledom.
As someone who has spent a good deal of money on his programs, I have never regretted it. What I HAVE regretted are the many times that I consciously choose not to use what I’ve learned from him in my relationships.
And by the way, CC is NOT David DeAngelo. Where did you get that idea? They are 2 completely different people, though both are in the dating advice industry.
CapeLinda
Dec 07, 2009
He’s done his homework and has put together a great program. His CDs are excellent and he interviews knowledgeable people who respect women. I’ve found them extremely helpful and have just ended a wonderful year+ relationship and started another with a man that is an amazing match for me. Never would have had the confidence or drive to keep looking until I found someone I can truly and completely be myself with!
I’m really happy I found Christian (no matter what his real name is) and that this work is available.
I’m saving the CDs for my daughters when they are old enough to get value out of them.
All u girls can spend time typing about how much he sucks, while I admire the two dozen long stem roses I got from my new great guy for my birthday.
Good luck with that….
Ash
Dec 09, 2009
DeAngelo is a con artist who’s found a fascinating way to exploit people. He offers advice… to both sides. However, the vast majority of everything that he has ever written, no matter the sales pitch and context, was complete bullcrap (yes, I’ve read his work quite extensively, thank you).
Of course, people will crawl out of the woodwork and say “Well, he has a few good ideas, they helped me…”. Yeah. Newsflash: those “good ideas” are general morale- and confidence-boosting tips and tricks you can find in any psychology book in your local library, without having your intelligence insulted, or paying 17 easy payments of 19.99.
Giuseppe
Dec 11, 2009
I’m a guy. I feel that the way men are decribed by Carter is sometimes very “middle american”, BUT most of the time I can also recognize what I feel deeply inside of me without acknowledging it. I mean at the deep primal level, not at the evolve and responsible level. I mean the part that create passion, not the part that creates a family.
I have a good and loving relationship with my girlfriend. She’s all in love, caring and stuff (well almost, but noone’s perfect :p…). And she shows that she is 100% for me. Everything I dreamt of in my family dream… But surprisingly it doesn’t make me happy all alone… sometimes I strongly miss something exciting. I miss what made me felt love growing in love at the first place. I miss to chase her… or let’s say, what is included in the chase… what she did, etc.
It makes me understand what happens in the mind of the guys who cheat… The chase seems better that the get… But I don’t want to do that. Never.
I would like her to be living for herself more. I would like to be interested in what she’s passionate about. I don’t want her to be all over me mentally because she is unconfident and weak inside (she is).
That’s what I sensed before I red the advice of Carter. Now I have words to put on it, and I think that he is right in all that way. Now I have the vision that I can work on my relationship to make it better than ever… to make it last for ever.
Don’t take all his book/mailing-lists for granted. Just open your mind to new ideas to think about, then read it. Fit what he says to your own situation. Maybe you’re doing everything right already, maybe some of it and you’re missing one key. Just take what is good.
D
Dec 14, 2009
Hey can one of you gals send me a copy of this book/cds so i can see for myself? I really don’t have the money for this and am really curious to see if it’s all stuff i’ve already tried or not… believe you-me i have tried EVERYTHING, for 20 years too, and i’m still having trouble…i also feel it should be easy-to-share-info if it’s really going to help make the world a better place?
If i had the dvds i’d put them up on utube if they were something good to share with women, as it seems like at the moment a lot of women are so keen to grow and learn and help make this place a better world, that we are spending a lot of money doing it and most of the stuff i have bought hasn’t really matched the sales pitch…but what about the guys…?
Why do ebooks cost more, anyway? I thought the whole point of the net was so we could have cheaper info cus of the obvious manufacture/distribution issue…they should cost less! I just don’t get it…and you can’t flip thru them before you commit your cc number…? I have to print it up at home too.
I wonder… cus the boys share info about software/music/games and info about chicks and toys without any concern…yet trying to find a lady friend with a copy of these document files/ ‘gems’ is like looking for solutions on period pains that actually work…i wonder if the high price makes em think negatively about the actual sharing of it…come on girls we gotta do the right thing here!
Pleeeeze??
sil
Dec 20, 2009
I agree with some things…initially be detached emotionally for a few months but in a nice way and show him that you care but be unpredictable this somehow makes them crazy it’s weird but it works….good luck
J
Dec 21, 2009
I’m with D! Especially those of you who have read them and don’t like him, or don’t respect him, I’m hoping you wouldn’t have a problem sending the files. Let’s stick together on this– Perhaps there are some good nuggets in the thick of bullcrap, or perhaps not, but D and I would really love to find out for ourselves, and I for one can’t possibly buy this program right now. Anyone?? Thanks-
B
Jan 21, 2010
BAHAHA I love how the OP is totally getting “told.” That’s what you happens when u try to put down ppl who are competitors with you – u just make yourself look bad….
Lynn
Jan 22, 2010
So basically, men want a blow up doll??
Faith
Feb 05, 2010
I have been reading everything online…for free and I will say that Christian Carter hit the nail on the head with some of his information. It was like a light went off in my own head of how I have handled some of my prior relationships poorly. He is not encouraging women to forget how they were designed, he is helping women to recognize what is driving men away or why a relationship may not be working. If his suggestions seem too rigid for a woman to follow, then by all means, don’t do them. We women have to face that most men are NOT as emotional as we are. He’s not telling us to be a doormat, he’s trying to help. Because he is a savy business man (note…maybe his staff is more to blame for the “unsubscription” errors), and knows he can make money from this advice. I have not paid for anything, yet I am fortunate enough to have access to this information online and have appreciated how I have come to the realization that I do need to CHANGE some of my own behavior patterns. What is wrong with improving oneself? Do you think you are too old to learn? We can all learn.
All these women know if they could market advice, they would. Because Christian Carter has done this and what he offers requires us to make some changes within ourselves, some women are wanting to bash him. Go ahead then, ignore it and stay lonely! I don’t plan on remaining that way.
His advice is to have your own life and to not require a simple phone call from a man to determine that happiness. What is wrong with advice like that? Again, women coming across as knowing it all…that is why so many of you are still alone. It won’t kill you to make some positive changes within yourself. HIs advice can help you in all aspects, not just with men. Suck it up and just try it. It won’t cost a penny! Everyone can work on improving themselves.
Pat Phelps
Feb 17, 2010
Does anyone know a phone number I can call to get the interview CDs cancelled. I hate to tell you how long I’ve been receiving them and never never opening any. I’ve made cursory searches for a number but haven’t found any. One site had an email address, which I used, asking for cancellation information. No luck yet. I going to have to go into my bank (in another city) to cancel the payments. My life is just to hectic. I’ll never order anything else like this…and yes, I wasn’t observant enough when I ordered.
Liz
May 03, 2010
I ordered the e-book, read parts of it, and put it away for awhile… now when I go to open it again, my code doesn’t work anymore!!
Anybody know how to correct the problem? Or is there a way to contact SOMEONE who will tell me what’s going on here??
Cathie
Feb 23, 2010
Hello Guys,
Well I too am glad to find this site…. But for me I have to say that this is another page in a great mystery! For starters why can’t I find any other site other than this one that is not filled with promo’s for Christian Carter’s material?
yes it is indeed apparent from some of the post here that pr people are indeed on this site to promote the book and get rid of the ne sayers…. But honestly I want to know if anyone can summarizes what he says…. I have taken psychology and figure that it can’t be that deep… Yet still I find it interesting that I can get one site where his materail is truly talked about indept…. What is the deal? Maybe CC really is the devil! LOL
Buzzy
Oct 16, 2011
I agree.
yellowlizard
Mar 02, 2010
if you just look at the way he formats the webpage to get you to buy his ebook- that should be a dead give away.
he tells you that he has personal experience with it he says he just wants to help
he has done long and hard research but if he helps one soul it would be worth it
then he gives information that is crucial to know with page numbers!
he says he will give a free trial if you order now specials and discounts that are highlighted
usually the page is very long and you have to read alot
mine kuradi munni
Mar 08, 2010
I think that all the wonderful advice this guy gives every person who is a littel observant could learn of they actually WENT OUT and started HAVING A LIFE!
I wonder why women trust this guy, where do they know that he really is this professional? Cause his advertisements don’t sound that professional, in fact the only thing he is somewhat good at is the fact that he knows how to manipulate someone into buying that crap.
No matter how much you read this kind of stuff the world isn’t black and white, NO ONE CAN TEACH YOU TO BE YOURSELF if they don’t even know you.
this Carter guy doesn’t tell you anything new or special, he deosn’t get you, he simply sas enough to make you feel like he KNOWS what you feel and yet if you look closely you’ll notice that he didn’t say a single thing that one didn’t know already.
marymary
Mar 23, 2010
I have been trying to unsubscribe now since November 2009. The links collapse, the e-mails bounce back and the phone is never answered – I live in the UK !! Some of the stuff I have read sort of makes sense. I also bought his e-book, but the code number to print it off doesnt work and the customer service link and numbers dont actually link to anything. My bank are now trying to stop payments that are being deducted up to three times a month (for WHAT ???) for the interview series – I remember it was supposed to be 19.99 per month, not various amounts over 23.97 several times a month! I feel I have been really ripped off and it is a complete con, otherwise you would be able to get through to someone.
Karen
Apr 11, 2010
I’m an intelligent, attractive, successful woman who read Carter’s e-book, and I don’t think there’s any part of it that says woman should act like robots or not ask for what they need. In fact, he says you should set the tone in a relationship right away, and if a man is not on board with you, to move on.
The book was extremely helpful to me–not only was it key in repairing parts of my relationship that were going downhill fast, it also made me feel better about the woman I am.
The book taught me not personalize everything, not to think that my man didn’t love me just because he wasn’t calling as often as I wanted, or spending all of his free time with me.
It reminded me to cultivate my own life before the life I had with him, which ultimately made me more attractive and desirable to him, and made me a happier and more fulfilled person. A win-win situation as far as I’m concerned.
I think Christian Carter is a sensible and insightful man with valuable information to share. I look at my relationship since I read the book, and would have to be crazy to think it wasn’t worth the $29.00.
dan
May 03, 2010
hey, to whoever said this:
“i also found another name: adam armstrong in my search, and showed him to be pagan/deangelo. DD, CC, AA…”
could you please demonstrate how you showed that, because as far as i can tell from my own googling, david d is eben pagan. thats it. not chris carter, not adam armstrong. none of them even look the same so………dont know where you’re getting your info….
and if david deangelo DID have some dating advice series for women, chances are you’d all be here talking about how great it is, not bitching about it.
MissMBA
May 10, 2010
If David DeAngelo is Christian Carter, then what does he do….hire a model to pose as Christian Carter?? Their photos are not the same. Rori Raye and another chick name I forget with the initials Andrea Albright are clearly alternate pen names of Christian Carter — I’m guessing the women who pose as those people are paid to do so? So I guess the guy on my 6 Christian Carter DVD’s is just a paid model posing as someone he isn’t? This is just a slick marketing ploy. As an MBA grad, I can’t help but be impressed with the Christian Carter marketing methods (I have got the free emails for several years now)….he’s really good, I’ll give him that.
MissMBA
May 10, 2010
The BBB gives Christian Carter Direct Marketing Internet an “F”. Here’s the link:
http://www.vegasbbb.org/bbb_rated_acc_rpt.asp?bbbid=77542&tr=rated&lg=F&ex=11%2C16%2C19%2C26
Kimberly Watson
May 17, 2010
I recently responded this to one of his “genius emails”: Dear Christian, This stuff is SUCH BS… You cannot change a man once he has made up his mind! And furthermore, if a man is emotionally “unavailable” then WHY would you want him?! He’s obviously too immature or has too many issues to see what is right in front of his face. And even if you DID get him after reading your BS, he IS what he IS PEOPLE DON’T CHANGE & in the end you REAP WHAT YOU SOW.
What a racket you have going on here… praying on women who are either too stupid or too needy to realize the importance of self respect.
What you SHOULD be saying is when you come across such a moron, you should RUN RUN RUN as fast as your feet will take you.
Kimberly Watson
May 17, 2010
And FURTHERMORE, what about what the MEN are doing wrong???? There are not nearly enough e-books or books geared toward MEN teaching them how to help make WOMEN happy! WHY?? probably because the majority of men simply do not care enough or are too macho to change or to read something like that. They do not believe that THEY are the problem. So what these books do is pray in the insecurities of women and how they should conform to a man’s standards… well, WHAT ABOUT US?? Just let me say, you can only tell a man/husband/boyfriend what it is that makes you happy and if he does not HEAR it or he does not DO IT (given it’s not an outrageous request).. THEN WHY STICK AROUND? If a man is not meeting your needs, then he’s a LOSER with issues. I have not read this book and I don’t CARE to read it because there is no SECRET to communication… if you are saying something and a man does not hear it and react, then obviously HE does not care about what makes you happy & WHY would you want to be with someone who does not care about your needs?? So I would communicate to him.. GET OUT OF MY LIFE so I can find someone who is mature enough to want to compromise & you know what… if I never find that, then I would RATHER spend my life alone than deal with that. I do all the things that his email speaks of, I have my own life, I have my own hobbies.. you can only put up with someone’s CRAP for so long & listen up ladies, if HE does not want to change, if HE does not want to make you happy because of HIS own issues, then you do not need that. Be confident, be happy, get some hobbies and be alone because you are better off than being with someone who 1. cannot commit or 2. has issues that you cannot fix… nor should you have to.
d
May 17, 2010
Actually, Carter’s idea of a “cool” girl sounds like the perfect Quirkalone woman.
She’s not going to be the woman who the book was written for… someone desperate to be in a relationship at the cost of her sense of self… who’s in a hurry to get snagged up by a man. And we all know women who are not terribly “cool”. They fret over every date, analyze it to death, and always seem to be crying on the couch over some man. We all know women like this.
pink flower
May 19, 2010
I love your article, you should get medal,… Belive it or not… just before I read it, have posted on CC`s, or whatever his name is, my rcomment to his technicques, and it was very similar to yours…
May be he wonders if it was the same woman writing it LOL
We all need and want each other at times on a variety of levels, and the mutuality between 2 people is therefore called relationship… they balance each other on the swing of life
JR
Jun 02, 2010
Many women aren’t ready to work on their relationship. They feel the man is always wrong, the man is the problem, the man needs to change.
So when Christian Carter comes along to talk about women empowering themselves and taking steps to become more attractive and repair their relationships, these women cry foul.
Nora
Jun 25, 2010
I only receive his emails and some ideas are very interesting. I even keep trying to remember some his advices as I (47 yo) want to understand my beloved man (55 yo) more. Actually my man is telling me that I should be independent, free, having my own life, busy all the time and not relaying on his financial support. He also told me many times he is very tired of women calling him crying help! when her car was repossessed, or landlord asked to leave an apartment, or she lost job, or she was sick etc etc.. Yes I love him to death but I do not think he is a grown up man who wants somebody close to him, so I am slowly pulling away but it is so bad feeling as he is a good person and I would love to spend the rest of my life with him… I tried to be like Carter tells with my man and surprisingly he likes me playing that role. The problem is – it is not me at all! I am soft, loving, funny, unpredictable, very intelligent so I want to be me! But I am sure any woman is very predictable in general as she wants to be with a man… <—– IS THIS WRONG?
VENUS
Jun 28, 2010
I found a lot of the comments posted to be true or contain some half truth. I also found this VERY AMUSING. How is it that women are somehow led to believe men don’t care about any of the issues that concern women, but in the end, women end up JUMPING THROUGH HOOPS to try and CATCH AND KEEP A MAN? This makes NO SENSE at all. xsso
stillSingleFemale
Jul 04, 2010
I subscribe to Christian Carter’s “newsletter.” I read it for laughs, and to confirm for myself what a scam the dating industry really is.
HappyGroover
Jul 04, 2010
Be happy and rejoice in being a woman…Love who you are and be true always to yourself. All else will follow…
Georgina
Jul 14, 2010
There are no rule books for life, love, families we all have to be who we are, if you want advice listen to your gut instinct, its very rarely wrong because it is the essence of what makes each one of us unique, your own inner self. No one would even be on here, me included if we were still in the throws of blissful love, that time when you dont question, look for answers or listen to anything but your heart. Love just is, analysing is what makes it all go wrong, when it feels right you do it anyway. Dont believe in anyone but yourself because deep down if we are honest, and thats the hard part, we all know why things didnt work, they just werent meant to. If reading CC helps fantastic but in my opinion at some point we are all loved at the beginning for who we are in that moment in time. We all change and grow, sometimes letting go when your not ready is incredibly painful the more you try and hold it tightly the faster it slips away. No one has it all, if someone comes into your life and it feels right its because they were attracted to you! and it was mirrored. The heart will always rule the head, even armed with all the advice in the world when cupids arrow flies. … Its easy to follow a recipe but I can guarantee every single cake will taste and look different and we will all think next time I might add this, leave out that or ask why didnt it turn out the same this time, I followed it to the letter. There’s no price on love, advice doesnt alway come free, we are all vunerable at some point, we all get taken for a ride sometime in our lives, we hope we live and learn. Dont expect love or life to be fair and make sense, there are no answers no matter where you look its called life and no one has it all. Not one of us can help the way we are or wave magic wands. Love yourself how else will anyone love you.
Elisabeth
Jul 26, 2010
I sent a reply to CC knowing it would not get received, but I needed to write it out anyway,. Can we have a book about fixing men to accommodate women? Is there a manual that teaches men to find something in life other than sex? Let’s start with the simple stuff. If you are not going to call…don’t say you are going to call. This is why I am happy being a confimed bachalorette. Then there is the “nice guy” who calls for two weeks daily, later and later…until calls were coming at midnight. Two weeks later after he has stopped calling and I realized those awkared silences were supposed to be filled with phone sex. He didn’t get any, so he stopped calling.