Is it me or is Christian Carter of “Catch Him and Keep Him” the devil?
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Dec 09, 2008 - Written by Sasha Cagen | Filed under: Dating
Have you ever gotten sucked into something that you were also ashamed to read? It happened to me yesterday. I was listlessly checking my email when I noticed a text ad that I must have seen more than 10,000 times. “How to catch and keep a man.” Those ads are as oddly ubiquitous as the text link ads for Acai Berry Wonder Diets, but I always assumed that ads with links like “Why Men Withdraw and What to Do About It” were for women who are more pathetic and malleable than me. Yesterday I joined the masses. And let me tell you. I became sickly fascinated. And angry.
I was vulnerable to that horrible ad because I recently heard something along the lines of “I’m just looking for something casual.” Somehow I find that impossible not to take personally. I clicked on the link–”The Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes Women Make”–and found myself swimming through simple, one-sentence direct-mail style paragraphs, like:
“Have you ever slept with a guy very quickly after meeting him, but as it started to happen you got that sinking feeling in your stomach? You knew it was a mistake, but you did it anyway. And then the thing you KNEW would happen actually happened: He unexplainably disappeared from your life. Honestly, have you ever had this happen?”
Of course, the worst part wasn’t that it happened, but that you KNEW you shouldn’t have done it in the first place… but you did it anyway.
Ummm, who hasn’t?
Christian Carter offers to tell women how to avoid the ten fatal mistakes most women make with men, or how to engage and attract a man right after you meet in person, if you are so good as to enter your credit card number to receive his e-book.
The worst mistake a woman can make is not seeking help. Because men are so hard to understand, and Christian Carter has spent years reading every relationship book ever published, and he has thought deeply about the psychology of men and women when they are dating. And he can help! So sign up and give him your credit card for his e-book at a price of $29.97 and his emails (interviews with relationship and dating experts) at a monthly charge of $19.97. The sickest thing is that for a moment I even considered typing my credit card address, until I awoke from the hallucination and realized it would be hell to get him to stop charging me money. His real name is David DeAngelo, and once I had the wherewithal to do a search-binge on him, I found numerous consumer complaints from women who claimed that he wouldn’t stop charging them after they asked to unsubscribe.
I could see this was a psychological master who knew how to manipulate an audience. The stock trade in any self-help e-book purchase is to tap into the reader’s insecurities and promise you have the long-sought-after answer. In this case, it’s about tapping into woman’s insecurities and confusion over male behavior, with the promise of understanding of learning what’s going on behind the scenes of a man’s mind.
WHEN A MAN SAYS…
“I don’t want a serious relationship right now.”
WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS…
“I ONLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP with a woman who
already has her act together, is attractive,
healthy, independent, easy-going, confident, and
who is emotionally in control of herself and her
own life.. . . without trying to change me or turning our relationship
into MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on my
own.”Does this make sense?
Again, he’s NOT imagining a picture of an
overly-emotional, predictable, needy woman who is
trying to get him to connect with her and sharing
her feelings because she’s so worried about things
“working out.”
In my google-searching, I found a post by this woman, who pretty much summarized his point of view. She’s been reading him for longer than me, so I’ll let her do the heavy lifting of distilling his advice:
One of my friends suggested I register at his website. Since then, I’ve been getting extremely annoying emails about how to “CATCH and KEEP” a man, like he’s a freakin’ trout or something.
Pearls of wisdom have included:
1. Don’t sleep with a guy “too soon” (time frame not included–so just guess)
2. Don’t be “predictable”, or his attraction will magically end (must I be in a different country each time he calls…?)
3. Don’t discuss any emotional issues at all, ever, God forbid, or it’s all over, period
4. Don’t assume that just because you’ve been dating for months you’re in a “relationship” (WTF?)
5. Try to appear at all times to be a)selective b)unemotional c)hard-to-get d)a robot woman
6. In general, subvert any and all natural inclinations you may have as a woman, and pretend like nothing means really anything at all to you, or else any guy, anywhere, will run like the wind from you, because guys can’t stand a woman that harbors an actual emotion that might pertain to said guy.
All the mystery boils down to you, women. The problem is you. You are too emotional. The way to create a great emotional connection with a man is to never burden him with your emotions. It’s hard to imagine exactly what this great emotional connection consists of, except the idea that the man “feels great” when he’s with you, better than when he is single, and you as the woman are not constantly analyzing the relationship.
The whole thing consumed me for about 90 minutes and made me feel sick for several reasons. I’ll admit that my feelings were not altogether rational at the time, but they were a product of being brainwashed by his mind-sucking prose:
1) The feeling that men and women are so irreconcilably different that we can never truly be ourselves with each other; anything that promotes this idea is just depressing. It makes me wonder if pre-industrial societies had it right when men and women didn’t expect their mates to be their best friends, and instead found companionship with same-sex friends
2) The way that women get blamed simply for being women and having some emotional needs to–guess what?–be themselves. According to Carter, men want to be with a “cool girl” and a “cool girl is basically someone who is unpredictable, fun, emotionally balanced, has no insecurities, easygoing, and independent.” Ummm, is this true? Could it be? This marketing campaign is obviously aimed at a very mainstream, middle American audience. Are there really that many men who prefer not to deal with emotions at all?
3) At the same time, I hate sitting around with a group of women complaining that “All men are dogs,” etc. I know men are more complicated than that and that there are men who are out there who really want to connect with other men as friends and women as partners (or men if they are gay). It’s just that reading this stereotypical garbage, combined with the shitty and mystifying ways that some men act, make me and other women feel confused and despairing.
4) The preying on women’s insecurities then taking their credit card numbers for recurring charges. That just sucks. Period. It’s a very profitable enterprise to continually charge people $19.97 a month for emails, especially when you don’t honor their requests to unsubscribe.
Why am I writing about this and even giving this bozo any attention? Because people like him have influence. He seems more powerful than the authors of the Rules, because he’s a man, and supposedly offers an inside view. I am fascinated by how mystified we men and women seem to be with each other. So what is the antidote–ar the antidate to the dating breakdown in communication? I discussed this with one female roommate so far, who was equally horrified and livid when she read his stuff, and one male friend, who said, talk to your male friends. They’re much more similar in mindset to the men you are trying to date. What think you? Is there any validity to his advice and worldview, or is this just garbage? Let the quirkyalone version of this conversation begin in the comments.
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390 Responses to “Is it me or is Christian Carter of “Catch Him and Keep Him” the devil?”
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Quirkyalone: n. adj. a person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and prefers being single to dating for the sake of dating. It’s a mindset. Quirkyalone is not anti-love. It is pro-love. It is not anti-dating. It is anti-compulsory dating. Quirkyalone is a book, a holiday, and a movement. Are you a quirkyalone? Take the quiz and read the original essay to find out.
Just for fun
Kayle
Aug 31, 2011
The words: Evan Marc Katz. Same crap, different wording.
Mac
Sep 20, 2011
Omg! I’m such a dumbfuck. Thanks for this. These guys are building “empires” and they don’t give a fiddler’s fart about women. Thanks ladies….
susan
Nov 04, 2011
sooo glad this is on here- thanks for taking the time to write this aritcle, I will fwd it to all the women I know and any and all boards I can add the link to! awesome!
S.M.
Erin
Nov 25, 2011
I agree. I wasted $ and time listening to Christian Carter blather on about really nothing. He is boring, talks in circles and could have said all he said in about 15 minutes. I hope men are not as emotionally vacant as he makes them out to be. He short-changes both sexes and I think he is speaking only for those men that really don’t want to or are too immature to be in a healthy relationship.
OptimisticChiq
Apr 13, 2012
I back-read and found this comment, THANK YOU. The guy I was with was more or less up front with his emotions (both the good and bad), and I truly appreciated that as I was upfront myself. However, I’ll be honest here and say that I wish that we both handled tense situations better than allowing it to blow up in our faces.
John
Sep 07, 2011
Hi,
Great post. It was refreshing to finally hear a woman come out and say what we all know. That a woman couldn’t possibly be burdened to examine her own behavior and how it accepts someone else. The narcissism overflowing in your drawn out posts makes me wonder if you’d ever consider improving yourself on any level. Let me guess. You were born perfect and any relationship problem is the other persons fault. Gotcha.
So in all seriousness let me tell what you get instead. You get guys who read and adopt books on how to be “players” and get woman into bed using cute little mind games. Enjoy the club and remember, if anything ever makes you want to improve yourself, learn how to communicate in a new way, it’s probably a man trying to brainwash you.
Enjoy weekends at the club.
SuzeeQ
Sep 12, 2011
is there any reason why attack is your option of choice? sounds rather ungrounded and “emotional” lol Just a thought though..Life isnt about point scoring and barter for you love and support and alot of women are guilty of being or trying to be emotional manipulators. Im upset so I withhold, Im angry so I will blame. How about you are creating negative contacts in every moment and a healthy relationship needs positive ones. 20-1 infact. so if you want to wallow in the mysery you create by being an emotional manipulator and throwing guilt and blame and tantrums all the time instead of living the love you desire then go ahead. your freedom of choice and thats what makes life so precious. Love to all and growth and happiness to you also xxx
rachel
Sep 15, 2011
I really like your comment. Makes perfect sense.
CJ
Sep 21, 2011
Anyone who runs a business that charges people $240 per year for advice on dating had better have EXCELLENT advice on dating. A monthly trip to a decent psychologist will cost you the same amount in copays. E-mail is not likely to outperform psychotherapy.
So many people have complained about overcharges and difficulty terminating the contract for this high-pressure overpriced ‘advice’, at the very least it seems obvious that the man is a scam artist.
Most men shy away from the types of commitments that make a stable family a possibility. Men get power and aggression from testosterone. They are bigger and stronger so they climb to the top more quickly. They get paid more and also they do not have to give birth, so they can afford to play games where women (all else being equal) cannot.
Christian’s book is just one more example of this same cycle of abuse — blame women for feeling insecure in a world where they have to work twice as hard to survive.
In response, honestly in desperation, women have resorted to government subsidy to fill the role that men avoid. Social security was created to take care of widows left behind when men went off to kill each other. Welfare was created to take care of working-class families with no man who was willing (or able) to step forward and pay for his own offspring. Men have cooperated in losing their visitation during divorce by putting motherhood on a pedestal and worshiping the all-powerful breast, as if men were genetically incapable of nurturing their own offspring.
It is funny how all the self-help advice lonely men get is the exact opposite of what women get. Open up. Show your softer, vulnerable side. Talk about your emotions. Cry once in a while. Concentrate on long-term stability, not spontaneity. It is okay to feel pain as well as joy. It is okay to commit.
It is almost as if these pop psychology relationship books are all about gay relationships. To meet the woman of your dreams, be her pillow-talk confidante. To meet the man of your dreams, be his drinking buddy. This is just weird. Even gay relationships have problems. Ever hear of lesbian bed death? Save your money.
JB
Oct 04, 2011
To John’s comment, Sept 7. Of course women want to improve themselves. Why else would they be interested in a book like this? The problem is that this book considers only the man’s viewpoint of what a perfect woman is. A woman must be perfect in every social situation, she must not care about what others think about her. If a man blows her off, she must look for something better to do and not be offended. In all reality, that’s how I try to act. But if a man treats me like that, I’m no longer interested. If he blows me off, he’s not worth my time. What women really need to hear is that they don’t need to chase after men. They do need to improve themselves as much as possible, but if those changes are so men will like them, as is the goal of the book, they’re not making lasting or helpful changes.
Besides, after about 2 seconds on his page I realized it was a scheme. Anything that gives you so little information and asks for your CC# is playing you. If you fell for it, there’s other things you need to be worrying about., like how to not fall for bad sales pitches. Lots of men have them, too.
Holly
Oct 09, 2011
John, you are a braying donkey.
Whing
Oct 16, 2011
Concur.
carlita
Sep 07, 2011
think it’s great that people are using this site to talk about…. if there wasnt so much dysfunction and polarization in the gender specific language people use none of this would be necessary =)
DW
Sep 11, 2011
In a nutshell.
Women you have to be the stronger one, and submissive, because we are little boys that have not grown up yet.
Lady T
Nov 18, 2011
LOL… hey i hate to say it but thats true. We have to be big girls (somebodies momma) simply because men cant comprehend or choose not to comprehend because its not a part of their agendas.
Katharina
Sep 11, 2011
I am a little older than most of you and have a very simple recommendation. When you meet someone, be realistic about whom you are lookng at and who this person is. Don’t make him (or her) out to be the salvation of all your issues and dreams until proven otherwise. We all have issues and should find someone who is compatible with your issues. If you are sloppy and he is very neat, you are looking for trouble. If you have a dog and or cat and he does not like pets, you have a huge gap that can not be bridged. If you have kids and he does not want kids, you have an issue. If he likes to sit home and watch sports and you like to go out, you have an issue. If he puts you down, you have an issue. Just because they are alive and walking around, does not mean they are right for you. Take the rose colored glasses off and really ask yourself: what do I see…. then take it from there. If they have bad manners, you have a problem since, sooner or later, you will be the lucky recipient of them.
Merrikate
Oct 23, 2011
Thanks, Katharina — as a woman in my 60’s, I can only agree with most of what you observe here. However, I feel very fortunate to have met a senior man who at least is willing to communicate with unusual candour and is willing to listen as we discuss differences that might corrupt our relationship-building. So far we are learning from each other, having already learned a LOT from nearly 5 decades of other relationships, good and not so good. Fingers crossed as we persist in getting acquainted with a base of friendship and honesty. Neither of us seems obsessed with “catching and keeping’ the other. Rather, we are learning to enjoy and nurture what is right here, right now. Still, I am glad to hear that my intuitive sense that Christian Carter’s glib self-assurance supports a money-making scheme seems to be accurate. He is such a talented marketer, using an avalanche of words in every email!
Lady T
Nov 18, 2011
Great post!
bet
Sep 11, 2011
I’m glad i had the sense to find your comments I am feeling much better with all my baggage and more confident to gently look at myself and work through it with out being ripped OFF! thanks
SuzeeQ
Sep 12, 2011
Scepticism is a good thing. I have purchased some of this mans work and you know what its not mumbo jumbo. It actually works. I didnt change who I am I just altered the way I was communicating with my guy, I still said the same things, asked for the same care and attention, put forward m point of view, but because I now did it in a new way I had amazing results. Be sceptical if you dont want to grow. It obviously has worked so far for you
) Have a lovely day. Q
queenmini
Mar 05, 2012
Thanks for posting. It seems like most of the negative feedback about CC is from people who haven’t read his book or engaged in one of his programs. I’m trying to find a genuine appraisal from someone who has actually experienced it!
MJ
Sep 13, 2011
As a female, I think his perspective is interesting and should be used as reading material and not a bible, per-say. We live and we learn. Nothing wrong with exploring the views of a man and nothing wrong with him getting paid to share (his views that is).
If you’re a strong, self loving woman (which for most takes time) you won’t meditate on his word and try to apply his material to every personal situation. But on the flip side you may just learn a thing or two.
Bottom line is we’re all at our own personal stages in life and believe it or not ladies, men are human and capable of growth and change. But not every woman can do that for every man. Men & women both want and need love in the end.
Christian Carter is not the devil, like it or not he’s clearly an intelligent man. Where’s his heart at? How would we know that….
JS
Nov 20, 2011
FYI…it’s PER SE.
Chloe
Sep 14, 2011
Hi. I like your post. The worst part of this CC stuff is that thousands of people have been scammed out of their money: they don’t just buy his e-book once, they buy it once every month. A monthly payment keeps coming out of their accounts: do a consumer-complaints search, and you will see pretty quick that CC is a scam-artist. There must be something in the fine print that most of us wouldn’t notice.
Sasha, I think you are a sensitive person and I appreciate your post. You made yourself vulnerable. The peeps who are attacking her: eeeek! She’s a reasonable person who wants to see both sides (doesn’t like sitting around saying all guys are dogs). The problem with CC’s “philosophy” IS that he puts the full blame on womens’ plates! I like MJ’s comment that, regarding CC, we shouldn’t “meditate on his word and try to apply his material to every personal situation. But on the flip side”, she says, “you may just learn a thing or two.” The problem is that his “word” is presented in a very high-panic style, URGING you to apply his material to every situation! It is designed to target vulnerable people… and to then make their credit-cards oh-so-vulnerable, as well.
Noelle
Sep 15, 2011
I, too, was a few clicks away from putting in my credit card, but his constant emails trying to get me to sign un up worked against him … I stopped and thought, let me just keep reading what he’s got … The more emails I got and read – I realized this is a good money making scheme – good for him – maybe it helps some people, but I found it shallow, I got the gist already – so no thanks…
Your post was funny and right on – ladies, before you give this guy your hard earned dollars (or increase your credit card debt) …Sign up for a free promotional peak of the book, then hang back and keep reading the emails he sends you trying to get you to buy the book – after a while .. if you’re still into it, buy into it – otherwise, spend your money on a good movie and nice dinner with a male friend, pick his brain-:)
The Crazy Canadian
Sep 19, 2011
Thank you so much for your post. Excellent read and very informing. The guy really is the devil… I wouldn’t mind being HIS cool girl and being un-emotional about socking him right in the mouth. Yeah… that would match with one of his “same-sex” hockey buddies. While I giggle and walk away. “Same time next week Christian???” jk
All the best.
P
TINA MORA
Oct 25, 2011
IT IS ALL BULLSHIT BE YOURSELF…..
lyn peake
Sep 19, 2011
I too thought about ordering this book – has anyone ordered through paypal to avoid any reccurring monthly charge?
tgirl
Sep 21, 2011
I actually borrowed his material, didn’t pay for it. I don’t see why he’s the devil at all, I think his material is quite helpful. I’m constantly learning to not take things so personally and if I’m happy in my own life I will attract the right person. Men and women are so different in so many ways and I appreciate the insights into how men think.
I’m in the best relationship I’ve ever been in and I feel that CC’s materials have helped me to keep things in perspective. I usually obsess a lot in relationships and question where things are going. I don’t feel the need to do that so much now and I’m much more productive in my own life AND I’m finding that my romantic relationship is progressing at an easy and comfortable pace.
As far as the blame goes, I don’t really see that CC is blaming women for anything. But if you keep attracting the wrong men, don’t you think it may be your own fault? I’ve attracted the wrong men for years and I have nobody else to blame but myself. I’ve been consistently working on it and my relationships have just continued to get better.
CC is not just handing out advice out of the goodness of his heart, this is obviously to make money. Read the fine print and cancel your subscription if you don’t like it. Maybe I would feel differently if I had actually paid for something but I didn’t. All I know is that I’ve found it helpful.
paige
Oct 29, 2011
How did you borrow
Maya
Oct 30, 2011
Hi Tgirl, how did you borrow the material? I’ve looked but haven’t found it in any library.
annie
Oct 01, 2011
Bought the ebook – and opted out of the monthly charge. I learned from the book, and had a guy friend read it. He said it was pretty right on and said he was surprised women are as clueless as men. I appreciate here the thought that this is playing on insecurities. CC also talks about reaching self security on your own, for yourself. Seems like having the tools would support that security. I’ve not had the confidence to plunk down more money. Thinking maybe a group could do it together. Or that I’ll get enough from the constant emails. There are lots of thing I do to change.
Eli
Oct 03, 2011
This comment is coming from someone who hasn’t read this book, but only some parts of it. I actually was in a very tricky and complicated situation with my boyfriend, who would pursue me and then get all scared and withdrawn to the point that I would damp him, but then the circle would start again and again. Call me pathetic, but I was not keen on letting him go since I loved him and saw in him many qualities that are not easy to find. Bottom line, he was a great guy, but a commitment phoebe. I was frustrated out of my mind. So when I saw thins book, even though the title of it made me want to hide it and never admit to anyone it was mine, I never regretted that I spent those 29$. CC is not telling women to be unemotional robots, to manipulate guys or to trick and catch them in any way, and so one. He puts in perspective some points of male psychology that clash with some points of female psychology (cuz let’s face it, we are quite different) . He is talking about “working with nature instead of against it” And of course there are guys who are not like this at all, so this book is not for you, but there are so many who are, who might be great guys but due to being single forever, find it difficult to commit and need our help. Bottom line is, some of his advise (you have to sift it and take what works for you) was super helpful and made me adjust my behavior and reactions just a bit, and it made a huge changes in our relationship. I am not saying it’s some miracle and would work for every case, but we went to a different level after I took some of his advise and now we’ve been married and very happy for over a year, and almost 5 years together…
A
Nov 12, 2011
Is there a possibilty you could give us a real life situation of what you changed and how it helped. It is all well and good reading the book and taking the advice in, but to be honest, until you can relate to the situation and see it’s results, I think all women will be a bit sceptical of CC…. It would be lovely to hear back from you.
Eli
Oct 03, 2011
And about the payment, I didn’t have any reoccurring monthly charges. I fact, there was an option to return the book after I read it and get the money back, but I liked it, and I don’t see why a person shouldn’t be paid for his work.
marc
Oct 04, 2011
Good grief.
This guy skeeved me out just looking at him but then again I am a guy. I had hoped to read some pearl of useful tripe just in the ad and I kind of admired the, “I’m not a doctor or anything just a scruffy ‘hunk’ type and let me tell you what men want” because there is a one size fits all formula. I admire non-experts giving truths for certainly Opera is not on the air any more, well kind of.
Yes it is difficult finding that person at the right time in your life when they are at the right time in their life and in the same area code or just happen to cross paths and no strategy is going to “land you” the right person man or woman. Unless of course you are looking for that man or woman who wants a formulaic life.
I guess I should be say if it works for some one great, but I can’t say that.
ryan
Oct 07, 2011
Christian Carter is not David Deangelo. Please get your facts right. David Deangelo’s real name is Eben Pagan. He has multiple internet companies. Christian Carter is a major affiliate of Deangelo’s. He has his domains registered with him. Some simple research would have revealed this. There are even videos on you tube with Deangelo introducing Carter on stage. Both guys have been promoting the others products for the last five years. I don’t expect you to post this comment and don’t think you should either. Your article comes from a good place and your writing is excellent. I am just requesting that you edit it to remove this one mistake. Say what you like about Carter but Deangelo has made a huge difference in my life. Even though he uses a pseudo name his content is excellent. I am married now and have an excellent relationship with my wife. I owe a lot to Deangelo for helping me shake off my nerves and helping me to finally get off my butt and approach a woman
thanks
Cherish
Oct 11, 2011
We on the islands are more relaxed… Men do what they have to do and women do what we have to do. Women respect men ALOT and I mean ALOT!!! nothing could ever change the fact that when men are sitting, we bow when we pass by, when one seat is available, women should sit down and allow men to sit on the chair..Is that good?? I think it is!!?? Do I complain?? NO!!! Why?? Its basically because everything goes around in a circle… When men sees that a women truly respects him, then that just tells a men that the women ought to be respected. I asked my husband once, “What is the first impression you get when you see one of us, the women, wearing pants” (You see, wearing skirt on our islands is one sign of respect to our fellow brothers or men of the house or community). In reply, my husband said “When we see women wearing skirt, it automatically makes us want to RESPECT her..but if she doesn’t mind her attitude of dress, then she on the other hand is just telling us that she doesn’t want OUR respect… so you see….EVEN just WHAT we are speaks a lot to men.. Not even for Who but WHAT we are..how much more for WHO we are…. No wonder why we don’t get the respect we deserve… so really… we want respect, we give respect to gain respect..
It works both ways… I don’t only speak in terms of respect, but in terms of any quality characters that you seek in your relationship from the opposite sex….As a school teacher I rate myself on my students scores during test time. If majority of them fail, I ask the question…what and who is the problem?? Because when we really sit and ponder on that, its more likely that the answer will point back to us…. Did I teach good?? Did the students understood my teaching?? ….. You want love, show love to get love…you want respect….Respect first.. and he will respect you back…like a wise men once said “There never was an ” I ” in “We”…
Aight…all the way from Yap.Island… Island of Stone Money… “Micronisan Island”… Federated Stated of Micronesia… Pacific Region… Asia Continent…
Mogethin…… meaning “Hello”….
Island life… swim in the ocean, sit under the coconut tree… enjoy the dancing… canoe voyage, where you see clearly all the stars and moon… And enjoy the island of paradise!!!
PEACE!
Mona
Oct 14, 2011
Thank you for posting this.
I was researching this “Christian Carter” guy after seeing an advertisement for his product, looking through articles and reviews to see what the world had to say about what he had to offer.
Each and every submissive and positive feedback towards his book made me want to die. Then, I ran into your article.
Christian Carter is bringing attention to himself, YOU are bringing attention to the horrid ways women are made to think of themselves. And, again, I thank you for it.
Not to mention, anyone who reads this will now be prepared to avoid this money scam.
Nancy
Oct 19, 2011
Great feedback, Cherish & Mona ~ I find his frequent, no-cost, emails thought-provoking. I embrace the idea of looking within for self-evaluation through reflection and soul searching. I have no intention on ‘purchasing ‘ his material; however, by reading his emails, I realize I need to slow down, not take life so seriously, and discover my very own ‘Island Life’. I choose to continue receiving his emails, because they allow me to take a constructive look at myself ~
crazyness
Oct 14, 2011
So basically its the womans fault a relationship goes bad cause y’all know men are always right…or at least to this iditot they are!!
women, iget your money back if you can. if you follow ANY of his advice, you are going to end up witha control freak.
if the guy does not like you for you then move on, because there will be a guy that thinks you’re the most amazing woman on the planet!! even when you show your emotions!!
christian carter is just a guy looking for money so he can use a million women. stop him by not giving him money!
Debbie
Nov 26, 2011
The last man I was with tried telling me I was too needy because I wanted a relationship with my sex. My response to him was a man who expects a woman to have sex with him without having feelings for him is more than needy, he’s outright greedy and sick. Ladies, enough already with the self improvement. Take the focus off you and put it on him for a change. When you first met him was he sexually aggresive or did he take some time to get to know you before he made his move? Stop feeling guilty for sleeping with him too soon if HE was the one who put the moves on you. Stop feeling guilty for HIS mistakes.
Martine
Dec 14, 2011
Thank you Debbie,
I just had that with a guy, he was all aggressive and on me, giving me loads of attention not to mention texts and emails daily. But he decided he wanted a no feelings thing and I told him that was out of the question. He agreed to exclusivity but eventually fucked up because he “misunderstood” our terms…Boy did I give him a hard time for months to follow!! Not only did he loose an awesome alluring woman he lost a close friend. It was all HIS mistakes, and he should be feeling guilty about it (and if he don´t then freakin make him). That´s the way ladies.
Justme
Oct 15, 2011
Wow I was just getting ready to buy this book…I read a little bit and of course it makes sense, men and women are different SHOCKER! but now that I know there is a monthly fee!!!! Oh hell no! That’s that huge red flag or intuition that we are told to follow. Honestly, most of us who want to read this book are looking to not have a “repeat” but unfortunately some times your thinking too much about it possibly happening, you make it happen..I say be your self, love your self and just flow. If it’s meant to be it will be, if not so be it. But don’t be a crazy stalker chick..
Katie
Nov 16, 2011
He is a rip off. Basically, he is saying men want to date another men. In no way shape or form be who you are until you “Catch your Man”. If any woman is so desperate that she needs to pretend to be someone she isn’t in order to “catch” a guy she likes, she should first read a different self help book. What’s the point in pretending to get a guy in your life when eventually the realy you will come out and the relationship won’t last anyway. Steer clear, be yourself, if you have issues with confidence or self-esteem… buy a different book.
Ding
Nov 16, 2011
I am glad I found this… I had my c.card sitting here ready to order. I have been/am dating this guy and he threw out alot of vibes…then he spooked and backed off…thinking I did something wrong, I wanted to read this book. Ya know what? His loss if he doesn’t call back !
Ding
Nov 16, 2011
I am glad I found this… I had my c.card sitting here ready to order. I have been/am dating this guy and he threw out alot of vibes…then he spooked and backed off…thinking I did something wrong, I wanted to read this book. Ya know what? His loss if he doesn’t call back !
Candice
Nov 17, 2011
Why do people become so defensive when it is suggested that in order to improve an area of their life they must change their behavior? It’s called taking responsibility.
I’ve read the book a couple of times and no it is not the bible. But it does give some simple insights to why men shut down when faced with certain female behaviors.
He in no way suggests that women are to be blamed for anything. If you are at a point in your romantic life where you would seek out this book in the first place he offers ways for YOU the researcher to change.
The reader has made the choice, so the reader must make the change. Where you hoping for a book that would teach you how to change someone else? If so, you may find it, but trust me that would be an exercise in manipulation and a true waste of your time and money.
As a single woman, reading CC’s thoughts have helped me to calm down, stop being so personally offended by every little thing, and realize that men do have the same insecurities and emotions that we do. In short, it’s not just all about us and what we want and making sure a guy hangs on our every complaint to show he loves us.
I like being a “cool girl”, mainly because it reminds me that sweating small stuff is a waste of my time. It also reminds me to keep my standards up. I don’t have to be an emotional basket case because a man doesn’t want what I want or behave how I think he should. Just communicate my needs calmly and constructively. I don’t see why that’s a bad thing.
It’s an effective way to communicate with everyone in your life.
It is the simple advice that is usually the most helpful, and maybe if we weren’t a society that was so quick to be offended when expected to make better choices this advice wouldn’t be so hard to take.
Lastly, $29 for a change of outlook/a new thing to try, is not unreasonable. Everyone deserves to get paid for their work. And like most self-help gurus he thankfully researched a lot of other authors, compiled what he found useful and translated them for his audience. That’s what writers do. Btw, if you have been paying $19.97 a month you should also be receiving a monthly cd where he interviews other self-help gurus. Some with doctorates, some with helpful life experience, all credible and researchable. However, like with anything else, you have to take what you need and leave the rest.
Amen
Nov 20, 2011
Thank you for posting this, Candice. I could not possibly agree with anything and everything you said more. The simple advice is definitely the best, and in order to gain anything from CC you have to be willing to look internally and make some changes.
Quick
Nov 27, 2011
I think you have to be objective. He’s not saying anything different than some men just aren’t that in you, they’re not into relationships period, etc….
The same holds true for women…..they like to play the field, they like to keep their options open, they’re not into commitment which is responsibility – they’re into fun living in the moment…but it’s not going anywhere in the future.
You have to be open to that concept…not everybody whats what you want, and not everybody defines it in the same way. That’s not rocket science.
It’s what works for you – you define it, you live it, you pursue it…and the people that don’t share that perception aren’t wrong – they’re just not right for you.
Jannine Shapiro
Nov 27, 2011
yes, i am also very confused from reading Christian Carter, but unfortunately, he seems to be accurate- I believe that he is very seductive in pulling one into getting all of his seminars, but i do not agree that he keeps charging without permission-i have pruchased his ebook and he did not keep charging me monthly- i have also purchased his seminar on attraction and he did not keep charging me….i like to get many viewpoints on things and so , i try to take what i need and leave the rest…..i am still studying his seminar on attractton and have not yet put it to use-but i do see that he makes som every good points snd from experience in doing things the other ways, i was not successful, so what else can one do?it is always good to look into what one might be doing to sabotage oneself-i do think though that not all men want casual relationships ad women who are fun all the time-if all men wanted the same things, then most people would not get married-yet there are many men who want to marry women who don’t want it-it is true that we don[t want to bring about the Stepford wives nightmare—–it is good to have some ohter women to discuss this with……..I guess there are alot of women who, like me are very insecure and needy adnn we just will never find someone who can accept us-right -or maybe God really did make a lid for every pot-so even we needy, insecure women will find someone who loves us anyway-who knows!
Tboogie
Nov 29, 2011
LOVE the resposnse… and just like you Sasha, I too almost fell for it and as my fingers approached my lap top key board to type in my CC#, I took a second and stopped to think, “wait, if I do this they will never stop charching me”… It was truely tempting because it was phsycology (manipulation) and truly hipnotic!. It made me wonder if it was factual information because alot of what he asked were situations women go through daily. It made me think “hmm… I wonder if anyone realy read his book, and if so did it work?”. But then as I saw the credit card page, I woke right up…like “your kiding me?.. did just fall for that shit?” (lol). Its a shame that he does feed off of our insecurities and unanswered questions about men, in order to make his own living. I’m pretty sure every time someone actualy falls into the trap and enters thier CC#, he’s like “cha-ching stupid nieve idiots”. He’s probably laughing while he’s collecting checks. It’s cool, I’m so glad for this insight …I’ll be sure to pass it along. Everyone ..please don’t fall for the trap.”
Catherine
Dec 03, 2011
It all depends on what kind of ‘place’ you are in presently. How many times have i read something over and over and gotten something different from it each time. I don’t know about this guy or the book cause it just sounded fishy to me but opinions will differ as long as our individual situations differ. Basically if we can grow with helpful info, then so be it. If it’s stifling who we are as an individual then it’s not helping anyone. I used to believe in the Pollyana be positive type attitude until life jerked a few knots in me…….now i just believe in being real -istic and focusing on solution, but denying a really bad situation with forced ‘keeping positive’ will eventually blow up. If i don’t deal with my feelings they will sure as heck deal with me
Tracy
Dec 04, 2011
This is why google was invented, so we can look for the truth before doing something stupid – honestly, if a guy is that devoid of emotions, who wants him anyway!!!
Brian
Dec 04, 2011
The consistent theme I see running through this series of posts is that most of the women who have actually purchased and read CC’s work have good and positive things to say, whereas m
Brian
Dec 04, 2011
The consistent theme I see running through this series of posts is that most of the women who have actually purchased and read CC’s work have good and positive things to say, whereas most who haven’t read it have effectively turned this forum into an echo chamber of uninformed, negative feedback. Could it be that some of you are afraid to accept responsibility for your own situations and are relieved to find any excuse not to – even someone else’s unfounded opinion about a book they’ve never read? Being an effective marketer does not automatically make someone evil and requiring payment for one’s work does not automatically render the work a scam. None of us, man or woman, is perfect and all of us can benefit from a little self improvement now and then. Yes, we should all be ourselves and be loved for who we truly are. But there’s nothing wrong with striving to be your best self, and these two concepts are in no way mutually exclusive. We can sit around maligning each other’s sexes and get nowhere, or we can choose to make the effort to better understand and communicate with one another. I think both sides stand to benefit greatly from the latter approach.
nancy
Dec 06, 2011
I didn’t send any money; just read his ‘free advice”. I realized it was very calculating. He uses few verbs and gives no advice. I read his bilge for an hour and realized he said nothing, just enough to make you join. I’m glad I found out he uses a pen name. What a fake.
Chelsea
Dec 06, 2011
This guy either really understands women or is flippin clueless. He obviously knows how to manipulate women into giving him money by degrading them. But I wonder if he’s doing so hot in the relationship department himself… I mean good god! Would you date him??? I wouldn’t! If I found out my man had a website like this I’d be beyond embarrassed and ashamed.
What I think is that he probably gets rejected by sooooo many women for being a horse’s ass and expecting them to change, instead of having the maturity of a real man to just accept who does and doesn’t float his boat, that he’s become a woman-hater.
Something happened to this guy to give him enough of a deep rooted hatred for women that he made this extensive site as a channel for it. I almost feel bad for him… Almost.
Sharon
Dec 07, 2011
I had the opposite take on the newsletter than Nancy. I was actually surprised to find substance where I expected only sales pitch.
I am copying out the “meat” into a notepad document each time. Buying anything is not an option for me since i am flat broke, but I really did find the newsletter informative.
Think about this – don’t men act exactly opposite of how you would expect sometimes? I am in the beginning of a new relationship…I gave my new man some gifts….He backed off a little. Women wouldn’t back off…they would warm up! Why do men act crazy?
Then I read the newsletter and got it! OOHHH! now I understand the “space” Christian talked about in the newsletter. The man wants to step up and gift too and do sweet things too…and be the magnanimous one sometimes. If I am always in that space, he can’t get in. If I want those sweet things I need to get out of the way!
I also saw that sacrificing myself, and being overly attentive and doting on the man is actually saying that I don’t believe he will love me otherwise. It is an act of desperation isn’t it? Why should I sacrifice myself when it is this very “self” that I want him to love?
Zoe
Dec 08, 2011
Great article! Buut I kind of like the idea of being a “cool girl” , if that means being unpredictable, fun, emotionally balanced, without insecurities, easygoing, and independent. That seriously sounds like a good thing to shoot for, for my OWN sake. It seems to cut down stress To hell with doing it to “catch and keep” a man. I feel like all of those things come as a result of self acceptance & appreciation. Essentially the book only needs one page that says : Learn who YOU are and what you want, embrace it, be it, and don’t apologize for it. You’ll get the right one for you IF you want him. The End.
Zoe
Dec 08, 2011
Sadly, I am well aware of the poor grammar and punctuation in my other post. Ooohhh if I had an editing fairy…
carolinacaren69
Dec 10, 2011
The marketing in the newsletters is brilliant to capture a woman’s attention, who may be totally frustrated. As Einstein and Carter both say, why keep doing what doesn’t work…it’s insane!!
So I tried it, along with Carter’s female cohort, Rori Raye. The male/female perspective makes a nice complement.
I agree with Sharon’s take more than the woman quoted in the article. If you actually apply what he says, you will realize men are looking for us women to fill in the emotional gaps they haven’t learned how to tap into. So the programs tell you the worst mistakes you can make are: not expressing your emotions in hopes of not scaring him away, then letting it build up into an explosion of drama oozing out like hot noxious lava. Men hate drama.
There….I just saved you $159!!
Christine
Dec 11, 2011
I have been married to the same man for 19 years. It is all true ladies! Men want you to be independent and fun to be around, even 19 years later. Not a downer and emotionally challenging. Suck it up and go talk to your girlfriend when you are emotional. Then when calm, come back and tell him in 3 minutes whats the problem and then drop it. Give him time to think, he will. He will so love you!!
shelby
Dec 11, 2011
I’m not big on self-help books or programs, bu I am big on honest introspection, self-improvement and taking responsibility for problems in your own life. Coupled with curiosity, that is what led me to this guy’s site to begin with.
I too became suspicious by the implied ongoing costs of his program. I decided to google him to see if entering my credit info to access the ebook would turn into a nightmare, and here I am now… I think that’s the biggest problem with this program & the main factor that makes it a scam: it promises that you can stop it when you want & get quick & easy refunds, but apparently you cannot.
The other issues I had (which I was quicker to TRY & overlook) were:
1. In the teaser video & articles, most of the pointers begin with a premise that women all feel/think the same way. There are many views, desires & behaviors that he attributes to womankind that I don’t relate to. I’m sure I make some of those mistakes, but I also make some that are not “woman mistakes”. I make mistakes that are MY mistakes. This is why I think getting personal, one-on-one counseling can be a better investment (especially if canceling this guy’s charges to your account is THAT hard). I admit, I get turned off when programs like this paint all women in such stereotypical ways; I guess I see myself as more of an individual, not just a “typical woman”.
2. The purporting of “secrets” which magically will change a whole relationship is always suspicious. Of course, these are always described as “simple”. This is because these secrets often amount to cliches or really basic common sense. In which case, you feel like you’re getting very little, if any, helpful advice, but you certainly are dishing out the money for it. It’s the kind of stuff you could read anywhere, for free. The few bits I read in the teaser articles gave me the distinct impression of that being the case with this program – it amounts to obvious & cliche advice. One tip was to not to talk badly about exes or men in general to a man you’re currently dating. Wow, thanks! I never would have thought of that on my own /sarcasm.
3. The emphasis on singular moments blowing whole relationships & what you need to do to avoid those mistakes comes off like women need to be perfect or they are doomed to unhappy singleness. No matter how much a woman improves her communication & relationships skills, she will still not be perfect. Perfection does not exist, and every HUMAN, male or female, will have moments where they make mistakes & handle things in a less than ideal way. This does not mean they should be in fear of people abandoning them, of their relationships suddenly combusting in a split second because one less than perfect phrase was uttered. The program implies this is what will happen if a woman has one emotional moment or dares to voice any dissatisfaction with her relationship. It gives the impression that she must put up with a man’s insecurities & flaws, but she better not have any of her own. That is unfair. A balanced view which allows a woman to be HUMAN is what is needed. A relationship shouldn’t feel like a minefield one has to tiptoe around in. All the accommodating cannot be on one end either…. yet, this program gives the distinct impression that women must shoulder all the responsibility.
Of course, creating the impression that a woman needs to be perfect will certainly keep the money flowing in, and this is why the program seeks to instill a fear over every little moment, making you feel as if you need to prepare to navigate these situations perfectly or else you’re doomed to be stuck in a “cycle”. A program that makes money off existing insecurities is bad enough, but when it seeks to create or deepen them, then I really see it as a manipulative scam.
So in short, I will not be ordering this program or ebook. Thanks to this blog for sounding the siren on this scam.
Bonnie
Dec 12, 2011
Why are relationships with men so important? why don’t we as women want to learn how to be in better relationships with our families, friends, co-workers instead of worrying about a committed relationship with a man-let’s figure out why we would spend time and our hard-earned money learning about men only-why do we think it’s more important than other relationships we are in? this is part of our problem-and men know it! Be strong with or without a man-I believe we all want to be loved just as we are today-right now-forget all that crap about “secrets”-if there is a man in the world that is worth our time, love and affection-he will come to appreciate us and love us just how we are-men don’t want women to be like men-they want us to be women-emotions and all! If I am expected to be someone else to get a man-I’m fine being single! Of course I want to be better-but for myself-not for anyone else! Let’s live and learn-love each other for who we are-and what we become each day. May our lives be filled with all kinds of love!
Ingrid
Dec 12, 2011
Like any book on relationships it is not gospel. All people are different and as such not all advice/information can be used in all situations. Men have flaws, women have flaws – each unique to the individual. If we seek to follow a book we can disregard the uniqueness of our relationships. If a man will not talk about some issues then it may mean constant frustration for you if this is important to you, or you can accept this is the way he is. Just as you will do things that frustrate him. Conversation is the best way of rectifying issues in a relationship. Books give good insight into many aspects of how men and women think and communicate but when the rubber hits the road it is not up to a book it is up to the individuals in a relationship to make it work or decide to end it. We can change how we do things but it is hard to deny who we are and seek to change that to please another without compromising our sense of self.
Judith
Dec 14, 2011
It is quite amusing that this prat is selling tips on ‘how to get a long-term relationship with a man’, and the main complaint from his victims is that he won’t let them unsubscribe. ‘Don’t leave me darling, I so love your monthly remittances!!’
Mary
Dec 14, 2011
No doubt it’s easy to be unpredictable, fun, emotionally balanced, without insecurities, easygoing, and independent – - if men were spending their time worring about “how to catch and keep a woman” !!! While still remaining – - here we go – - UNPREDICTABLE (don’t try to sleep with us on the first date) FUN (have interests beyond your ego and your penis) EMOTIONALLY BALANCED (value inner attributes that remain after outward appearance fades) WITHOUT INSECURITIES (don’t be intimidated by our male friends) and INDEPENDENT (have a decent job so you’re able to pick up the tab)
Chris
Dec 14, 2011
Some one who read the book, please tell what are the 5 or 10 or even one secrets? I bought it, perused and returned it and got my money back.. Honestly I just wanted him to GET TO THE POINT! It was as if he “wrote” the book through voice activiation software; poorly formatted, endlessly obtuse. Some interesting hooks but come, one deliver the goods! Can someone tell me what are the concrete “new” insights/techniques here besides being a stable, independent, sefl assured woman?
Heather
Dec 16, 2011
The people who need to read this type of book get what they need to out of it. I don’t think his objective was to solve all of the problems/concerns of a long term relationship, but to introduce some “new ideas” to women who want to understand men and live up to their own potential. The concepts are very simple and are not a “magic solution.” If you don’t get it, then it isn’t for you. And, who can blame anyone for making a living especially if they have found and easy and enjoyable way to do it! How many books have you bought in your life that you didn’t like? It happens. You don’t have to like everything someone says and not liking or agreeing doesn’t make that person the devil. I think people should be able to take in information and decide what they think about it without becoming so emotionally involved with the information that they either worship it or hate it.
Emii
Dec 18, 2011
From just watching a small preview of him, he just goes on and on about what women do wrong and I actually wanted to see what it was about and subscribe just so he’d get to the freaking point. Then I realized how unconspicuously persistent he was, saying “If you just sign up below…” blah blah blah. Messing with women’s emotions to make a profit…hmm..maybe he is the devil. Haha
Belinda
Dec 19, 2011
Would someone be kind enough to email me some of his actual programs so I can decide what I think without having to pay? thanks in advance x
belindadmitchell@hotmail.com
jennifer
Dec 19, 2011
HELP: i order one of his book and monthly subscriptions. I unsubscribed but it only asked me for my email and last name. how do i get it to not charge me like you said it will?????