FAQ

Q. Can the quirkyalone be a man?

A. Yes, yes, yes! Quirkyalone is a mindset and a way of life: anyone can be a quirkyalone. It’s worth pointing out, however, that our culture is already rife with archetypes for male loners: Odysseus, Western cowboy, geeks, James Dean, solitary indie-rock boys, etc. The scant few labels that describe a woman alone are pejorative: spinster and old maid. For this reason, we often use the feminine pronoun for quirkyalone in this book to create a positive alternative for women. It’s part of our diligent campaign to battle a thousands-year-old history of oppressing single women. See “Attention Men: You Are Not Forgotten!” for more on men in the quirkyalone nation.

Q. Does this fundamental quality preclude me from meeting “the one?” Will I be so choosy that I will always be alone?

A. Vexing, for sure. Many of us obsess on this very question. Don’t despair. Despairing never helps. Being quirkyalone may, in fact, help you in the search for love. You won’t waste years in mediocre relationships, and the training you receive alone is valuable no matter what course your life takes. As many self-help authors note, being comfortable on your own is a crucial foundation for intimacy with another person.

Q. How do you spell this word? Is it hyphenated?

A. NO! A hyphen is neither desirable nor necessary when writing the word “quirkyalone.” A quirkyalone is not simply a quirky person who happens to be alone. Like the German word “zeitgeist” (“zeit” meaning time, and “geist” meaning spirit), “quirky” and “alone” fuse together in a word that draws upon its constituent parts to create a new meaning.

Q. I know someone who is constantly hooking up but doesn’t get into relationships. Is she quirkyalone?

A. Good question. If your friend’s standards for companionship are very high, but for a Saturday night fling, very low, she goes by another name. This person is a quirkyslut, and she should wear this title proudly.

Q. Can couples come to International Quirkyalone Day events?

A. Absolutely! Couples are not only welcome—they are encouraged to attend. There is no ban on a quirkyalone being in a relationship, and many of us are. International Quirkyalone Day is for everyone: single, partnered, married, divorced, celibate, or polyamorous.

Q. If I am a quirkyalone, does this mean I have to be celibate?
A. Not unless you choose to be.

Q. What if I am quirkyalone until I find a partner, and then find myself reenacting every sick cliché I once railed against?
A. For starters, know that you are not alone. The quirkyalone’s deeply romantic nature can cause those who do fall in love to fall hard, sometimes even leading to into obsessive behavior. Read more about the perils of QA love in “The Dark Side of the Quirkyalone: R.O. (Romantic Obsession).” But you don’t have to be a cliché. Recognizing ways that your new couple status contradicts your aforementioned belief system is the start of being quirkytogether, a more liberated version of coupling that will allow you to preserve the best parts of being single and coupled. Read more on the transition to quirkytogether in chapter 6.

Q. Are quirkyalones able to marry?
A. Yes, heterosexual quirkyalones can marry. The same-sex unions of gay quirkyalones are still being discriminated against.

Q. I know someone who is constantly hooking up but doesn’t get into relationships. Is she quirkyalone?
A. Good question. If your friend’s standards for companionship are very high, but for a Saturday night fling, very low, she goes by another name. This person is a quirkyslut. She should wear that title proudly. (Read more about quirkysluts.)