Additional Diagnostic Signs

You need not visit a professional for diagnosis. If you answer yes to eleven or more of these statements, chances are good that you have found your tribe. Quirkyalone does not mean alone. It means staying true to yourself and creating a connection with yourself as a foundation for your connection with others.

1. Display a talent for thorough self-reflection.
2. Believe life can be prosperous and great with or without a mate.
3. Create and maintain chosen families of friends.
4. Would rather be alone than be in a relationship in which you have to hold back an essential part of yourself.
5. Have been the first one on the dance floor.
6. Enjoy the occasional movie alone.
7. Generally prefer not to date for the sake of dating.
8. Cringe at the thought of speed dating (i.e. going on fifteen three-minute dates in one night).
9. Have seen and identified with one the following movies: Walking and Talking, Next Stop Wonderland, Never Been Kissed, She’s Gotta Have It, Say Anything.
10. Know you’re in a great romantic relationship when you have each other but you also have time, space, and support for your own life.
11. Treat life as one big choose-your-own adventure; there is no single road map for adulthood.
12. Have reckoned with either sexual orientation or alternative family structures (co-parenting or setting up a household with a friend).
13. Don’t want to be part of one of those couples that throw couples-only dinner parties or worse yet, don’t have any friends.
14. Would prefer receiving flowers on July 3, rather than a box of chocolates on February 14.
15. Recognize the ways in which society prescribes happiness primarily through romantic love, and understand the failings of such an approach.
16. Possess a talent at deconstructing love songs equal only to your vulnerability to them.

To determine your quirkyalone status, count the number of true answers and proceed to the “assessment” section.

Zero to 5 true answers: Sorry, you are not quirkyalone. But chances are good you may be dating one, working with one, related to one, or living with one, and wanting to know them better. You may also be harboring closet quirkyalone tendencies. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to go to a movie alone? Maybe you should try it.

Five to ten true answers: Somewhat quirkyalone. There are elements of the quirkyalone in almost all of us: the iconoclast, the adventurer, the romantic, the romantic obsessive. You embody one-third to two-thirds of these qualities. You probably need “a room of your own” while you are in a relationship, but you manage to find yourself, on a regular basis, in a coupled situation. Fascinating. If you are involved in a long-term relationship, chances are good that you are living a quirkytogether lifestyle. (Read more about quirkytogethers in chapter 6.) Alternatively, you may be someone who is completely comfortable being single and has no desire to find a romantic relationship. (Note: that’s more like Bella De Paulo’s tribe of “single-at-hearts” than quirkyalone.)

Eleven to sixteen true answers: Very quirkyalone. At long last. You have found your tribe, a brave breed to resist the tyranny of coupledom in favor of independent self-expression. Relatives may give you quizzical looks, and so may co-workers, but in your heart of hearts, you know that you are following your inner voice. You may or may not be romancing a single person, but always, you are romancing the world. But you have struggled on your own long enough. Now there is a word for this mindset, a way to put our souls in communication with each other. This book is for you, and the conversation is just beginning. Welcome.

Additional diagnostic materials include the world-famous online quirkyalone quiz.

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What’s a quirkyalone?

A quirkyalone is a person who enjoys being single (or spending time alone) and so prefers to wait for the right person to come along rather than dating indiscriminately. Quirkyalones prefer to be single rather than settle.
Quirkyalones can also be married or in a committed relationship (quirkytogether). You can be a man or a woman, any age.
Quirkyalone is ultimately a philosophy about finding happiness within yourself whether you’re single or in a relationship.

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