Quirkyalone

Jane Fonda Is A Born-Again Quirkyalone

Aug 01, 2011 - Written by Sasha Cagen  |  Filed under: Movies, Personal Growth

In my book Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics, I describe the two types of quirkyalones: there are womb quirkyalones, who pretty much knew they were quirkyalone since birth, and born-again quirkyalones who have an Aha moment later in life. Read more about the two types in the book to figure out which one you are. Actress, political activist, and fitness guru Jane Fonda talks about her Aha moment as a born-again quirkyalone in the August issue of O.

“I always had a penchant for falling in love. Every time I found myself without a mate, I fell into a state of low-sizzling panic. I was so devastated by my second divorce that I had a nervous breakdown. That was when Ted[Turner, Fonda's third husband] first asked me out. But in January 2000, when Ted and I separated, something felt different.
Right after we decided to part ways, Ted flew me to Atlanta to stay at my daughter Vanessa’s house. She was in Paris, so I spent my first two weeks at her house alone. In the past, I’d always tried to stay busy to avoid hurting, but this time I knew I needed to be still for a while. So I raked leaves in her yard, read, and went for long walks. On my third day there, I was in a tiny bedroom with my golden retriever, Roxy, when suddenly it hit me: I don’t need a man to feel whole. In my marriages, I’d lost part of who I was because I was trying to mold myself into what I thought a man wanted me to be. But in that moment, I felt all those pieces flying back together. . . .
After that nine busy years passed without a relationship. I wasn’t even looking. . . .
At 73 I’m essentially shacking up–and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I recently made two movies; I’m writing; I go away by myself. I have my own life, and Richard doesn’t care that I don’t share every single aspect of it with him. I’m not losing myself in this relationship. I’m bringing myself–the real Jane–and he’s giving me his real self, too. Richard and I have an emotional intimacy I’ve never experienced before, because we’re both coming into this relationship whole. We don’t censor ourselves, or leave what we think may not be good enough outside, on the porch.”

Have you had your own born-again quirkyalone moment? Share in the comments with your fellow qas.

Quirkyalone Movie Alert: Ewan McGregor in Beginners

Jul 31, 2011 - Written by Sasha Cagen  |  Filed under: Movies

For those who ask, where are the men in the quirkyalone movement? Here’s a gorgeous, moving movie featuring a male quirkyalone lead (Ewan McGregor, beautifully vulnerable in the movie himself). Beginners weaves together two big qs: quirkyaloneness and queerness.

Oliver is 38 and has spent the last few years caring for his father who announced he was gay after Oliver’s mother died. The movie flashes back to Oliver’s childhood throughout the film. Oliver never believed his parents were really in love, and consequently never really fully believed in love for himself.

You could say it’s a fear-of-commitment story, but that would be too simple a shorthand. Oliver is afraid of slipping into a passionless domesticity driven by the model that he saw growing up. The mother figure is tragic: so bursting with life and quirkyness, but she was never going to get the passion she wanted from her husband (and she knew he was gay). I loved the scene where Ewan and his new love recognize each other as “the same”–both leavers. This is no romantic comedy with an easy resolution. We get to see Oliver and Anna in love, and at the same time, riding out hard moments, battling out their sense that “this is not the way I was supposed to feel.” And if it’s not the way it was “supposed to feel” in the moment, does that mean end it? Deliciously real. See it!

Quirkyalone Press

Jul 16, 2011 - Written by Sasha Cagen  |  Filed under: Press

While organizing my files, I took quick phone snapshots of some of the press Quirkyalone has gotten over the years. Check out the Italian Marie Claire spread and the Polish woman sunning herself on the beach. That’s just a sample of the international spread of the quirkyalone movement! Take a peek and enjoy!

Worried About Growing Old Alone? Don’t!

Jul 12, 2011 - Written by Sasha Cagen  |  Filed under: Uncategorized

Most people fear growing old alone. Research shows senior singles are among the most satisfied singles: “Older singles (ages 65 and over) report the greatest level of happiness over the past 12 months, followed by 21-24 year olds.” Check out the full findings in this fascinating match.com report.

Old-Fashioned Matchmaking Meets Facebook

Jul 12, 2011 - Written by Sasha Cagen  |  Filed under: Dating, technology

We’ve all heard success stories of online dating. According to a recent study by Match.com, a sixth of marriages now begin via online dating. If the numbers are so promising, why does online dating feel like an energy suck? As my friend Ario says, “Online dating induces ADD.” With so many people to choose from, online dating encourages a consumer mentality that turns people into products. We are on the hunt for spark. And click, there’s someone hotter, smarter, sexier.

What are the alternatives? I’m partial to the traditional advice. Follow your passions, get out and play: go climbing, go to games night, go on a trip. You are more likely to attract a kindred spirit when you are doing something you love. But let’s say that you’re doing that and it’s not yielding results. What about a little help from your friends?

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Be Friends with Quirkyalone

Jun 08, 2011 - Written by Sasha Cagen  |  Filed under: Website

Better late than never, right? I finally set up the official Quirkyalone Facebook page and I would like to invite you (yes you!) to “like” us. We have the all-important forums on quirkyalone.net and this is just one more way to create quirkyalone community. The quirkyalone experience is always evolving and it’s as much of an adventure for me as it ever was because I never really know what comes next. (Another note: when we transferred over to a new host, we lost the mailing list. Yes, thousands and thousands of quirkyalones who had signed up for the email list–all that data lost We’ll set up a new email list soon, and please sign up again.)