Quirkyalone

Making Marriage Fun Again

Feb 14, 2004 - Written by Reyhan  |  Filed under: Uncategorized

Here in San Francisco, something amazing is happening. Hundreds of gay men and women are lining up around City Hall to get marriage licenses in the hotly contested and historic rewriting of the civic marriage vows from “husband and wife” to “spouse for life”. While I might consider getting married on Valentine’s Day might be considered a nauseating cliched move for a straight couple, I found myself near tears watching the throng at City Hall. I had forgotton that even amidst all the depressing divorce statistics and the societal baggage hanging on the institution of marriage, getting hitched is a happy event. Exchanging vows is a brave and public display of an extremely private relationship, especially if you have been denied that right for so long.

The next step, of course, is becoming San Francisco’s first gay divorcee.

Get Famous Fast

Feb 03, 2004 - Written by Reyhan  |  Filed under: Uncategorized

From a friendly freelancer:

Seeking QAs to interview about s-e-x!

I’m a writer working on an article about quirkyslutting — in other words, how QAs feed those human needs we all have (and can’t seem to ignore). If not in a relationship, what do you do when you get that itch? Reach for your vibrator or lube? Scour the personals? Travel? Call a friend who sometimes doubles as a lover? Pay a visit to an ex you’re still on good terms with? I want to hear your stories!

I’m interested in talking to women, men, QAs from all U.S. time zones, age groups, sexual preferences, and circumstances.

About me: I’ve written for Bust, Bitch, Salon.com, The Seattle Times (for which I interviewed Sasha!), San Francisco Bay Guardian, and the anthology Moment of Truth: Women’s Funniest Romantic Catastrophes.

If interested, please contact me by Feb. 6th at michelleanngoodman@hotmail.com — I’ll write back and arrange a time to call you for a phone interview. Thanks very much.

How can a Social Butterfly be a QA?

Jan 26, 2004 - Written by Reyhan  |  Filed under: Uncategorized

In defining and describing the QA state, one question keeps bobbing up: how can some QAs be incurably social yet still call themselves “alone”? Quirky, sure, but isn’t a stretch to indentify with something you are actually the opposite of? Or, as curious correspondent, directing comments towards Sasha, put it:

So, what does an attractive, successful women with a book, a USA Today feature, radio appearances (I heard you, and about you, on Invisible Ink), and a well-attended party about being alone know about solitude? Honestly, I want to know. I don’t mean to come off as an asshole. I suppose it’s just weird to me, as someone who’s never been invited to a party or been to a dance, to read about self-identified “quirkyalones” going to a party to meet other “quirkyalones.” Really, are you genuinely alone, or is this a way to get your name out there?

Since Sasha is busy clearing out her social calendar for media appearances, I thought I’d try to tackle this question (or, more likely, open it up for debate.) Judging whether or not someone is QA based on whether they are not “genuinely alone” misses the point. For starters, how would you measure it? The time people spend alone is often hidden, snatched on walks home or workday lunches. Even the most intensely social creatures could have islands of time spent solo that most people don’t know about. So don’t ass-u-me; you don’t need me to tell you what assuming does.

One of the biggest things that separates QAs from PTs (perky-togethers) is a belief that friendship is a central relationship, not a place-holder for romantic love. QAs are often marked by their intense commitment to privileging friendship, to making sure that they make room for their friends even when other parts of their life intrude. Solitude for QAs often has to be wrestled from the demands of work, hobbies, roommates, friends and all kinds of time-sucking social obligations. You can be a loner, someone who rarely goes to dances or parties, and be squarely in the QA camp but does not make you more of a QA than someone with an overloaded calendar. It just means you have no excuse for not attending (or throwing) an IQD party.

The State of Our Unions

Jan 21, 2004 - Written by Reyhan  |  Filed under: Uncategorized

In case you missed the President’s State of the Union address last night, you didn’t miss much. In soft, cuddly, Rove-inspired language, Bush came close to endorsing a constitutional ban on gay marriage. Bush’s top marriage advisors have been busy lately; when they aren’t proposing pricey programs to encourage marriage as a solution to social ills, they are plotting ways to keep the sacred union away from those pesky “activist” judges. As every QA knows, there is no one relationship model that guarantees happiness. We would resent our friends if they passed heavy-handed judgments on the sanctity of traditional marriage on us; imagine what we feel towards the attempts of a government to pass laws on the matter.

Meet the Rickshaws!

Jan 21, 2004 - Written by Reyhan  |  Filed under: Uncategorized

After arduous negotiations (well, more like we sat at a table and enjoyed some Red Vines with red wine), we are pleased to announce that The Rickshaw Stop is our venue for IQD here in S.F. As a recently-opened space with high ceilings, red velvet curtains, a mezzanine level, killer dance floor and actual rickshaws strewn about, we think it’s a great place for QAs looking to mingle creatively. How fun is this party going to be? SO FUN.

Sex, City, Single Survey

Jan 16, 2004 - Written by Reyhan  |  Filed under: Uncategorized

The lovely ladies of “Sex and the City” live in world few of us recognize: endless possiblities of romantic encounters, with dates pouring out of every yoga class or cup of coffee or (for Samantha) sight of a hot young priest on a Sunday morning. In a study released by the University of Chicago, soon to be published as a book, researchers argue that single people form most bonds through social and institutional networks, not chance meetings. (Which won’t stop the hoards posting on Craig’s List Missed Connections, although I don’t know of any one who has had Desperately Seeking Susan success with those kinds of personals ads.)

Instead, the authors put forth ideas of single “markets.” As reported by the Chicago Tribune (among others ), the markets can be divided into “transactional” and “relational.” Cast in QA terms, it seems that quirkysluts would be in the transactional market, more open to meeting people in bars and parties while more traditional QAs would be more likely to find partners in relational settings, faciliated by friends.

The real news in this survey, though, is the increasing number of people choosing the single life. Edward Laumann, the project’s lead author and an expert in the sociology of sexuality, says, “On average, half your life is going to be in this single and dating state, and this is a big change from the 1950s.” As quoted in CNN: “What’s going on now is making the sexual revolution of the ’60s and ’70s pale in comparison,” says Eli Coleman, director of the Program in Human Sexuality at the University of Minnesota. We can only infer that he is referring to the QA movement.