Quirkyalone

Antidotes to Online Dating

May 18, 2011 - Written by Sasha Cagen  |  Filed under: Dating, Events, technology

My sixth sense tells me there is a movement brewing to provide alternatives to online dating. Ways of meeting other human beings live and in the flesh. Imagine that. Of course we can all meet someone in line at the bakery, but somehow, with the spread of online dating, a certain segment of us have become shy.

Here in tech-obsessed San Francisco online dating has become pervasive. But hardly anyone is satisfied. My friend Klover calls it low-stakes dating. People skip from date to date sampling new options from the huge buffet of fabulous profiles out there. The particular passion for another human being gets lost. While people certainly do find their beloveds online, what other options are available?

Tomorrow night I am going to an event called TryMe, which the founders are billing as an antidote to online dating. They’re private events for “San Francisco’s most awesome and unattached.” In the future, they are planning “big mixers, intimate bourbon tastings, cooking classes, book swaps and hiking adventures.” Beth and her co-founder are hand-picking people personally: “everyone is interesting, ambitious, attractive, and has been hand-selected via trusted friends and personal scouting.” Gosh. I hope that people are open-hearted too. I feel like I am going to an elite event, and hope that people aren’t competitive.As I choose my outfit, I’m nervous about being in a fishbowl where everyone is available and expressly looking. And at the same time, that’s one of the things I want; a place where you know that others are available and want to be in a relationship.

Meanwhile my friend J. has taken it on as her personal mission to matchmake for me and a few of her friends. She is hosting a garden matchmaking party at her home and has been going about her daily life looking for quality men to invite. She’s also networking via Facebook asking friends to suggest good guys for the amazing women in her life. She dropped into a bar one night randomly and shared the idea of her matchmaking party and everyone absolutely LOVED it. As we brainstormed for her garden party, we wondered if men would be interested. I never doubted they would but the reaction that night was confirmation. Men don’t ask women out here very often–we feel something and walk away, great to meet you! Everyone needs a push.

Is the solution a little more help from our friends? We are often hesitant to suggest a match for a friend because we don’t want the responsibility. We don’t want to be wrong. Getting set up has a bad rap. But why should it? I don’t care if a friend gets it wrong. I suppose I could take it personally if I don’t like the guy they suggest. But more than anything else I’m just touched that a friend cares and wants to help.

In our busy, busy lives we can feel like we have to put so much intention into finding a romantic love partner. And all the intention comes from the individual unless you search out paid help from a matchmaking service. I’m not endorsing arranged marriage, but at times I really wish my friends would keep an eye out for me and keep me in mind as they go about meeting guys. I’ve been so touched that my friend J. has taken this on to help me find a match.

I’ll be curious to see what the ladies at Try Me have to offer tonight.

The Long-Awaited YouTube: State of Sex and Dating in San Francisco

Apr 22, 2011 - Written by Sasha Cagen  |  Filed under: Events, Sex, Single Life, technology

At long last, here’s the Commonwealth Club’s panel discussion on “The State of Sex and Dating in San Francisco.” I took part and so did three other insightful San Francisco thinkers Ethan Watters (Author, Urban Tribes); Nicole Daedone (Founder, OneTaste; Author, Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm) and N.W. Smith (Contributor, The Bold Italic).

One big theme was the sense of disconnection that people often feel in a big city now that we are all staring into our iPhones on public transportation. The moderator Violet Blue joked that’s how geeks flirt. I miss good old-fashioned eye contact.

After the panel a woman came up to me and told me she wanted to start a movement where people identify themselves as available for human contact and chatting in some way on BART trains (BART is the Bay Area’s subway system). As in wearing a feather, a handkerchief, a button. Something like that.

I’m open to all kinds of ideas because I think random contact with strangers is the most effervescent part of living in a dense area.

The State of Sex and Dating in San Francisco

Mar 09, 2011 - Written by Sasha Cagen  |  Filed under: Events

I will be speaking on a Commonwealth Club panel called “The State of Sex and Dating in San Francisco” on Thursday, 3/31. The topic of online dating is sure to come up in this online-dating-drenched, tech-obsessed city. So will the “slow sex movement” as I will be sharing the panel with Nicole Daedone, creator of “the fifteen minute orgasm” (which *I think* has something to do what what she calls “orgasmic meditation”) and the founder of One Taste, a center focused on female sexuality. Ethan Watters author of Urban Tribes will also be part of the conversation. Come on down! The program will also be broadcast on KALW, one of our NPR affiliates, and posted on YouTube.

International Quirkyalone Day Parties

Feb 09, 2008 - Written by Sasha Cagen  |  Filed under: Events

SAN FRANCISCO

When: IQD (Thursday, February 14), 7 pm
Place: Red Hill Books
401 Cortland Avenue
Bernal Heights in San Francisco

Bring a to-do list to see if it’s compatible with someone else’s. (It’s also a To-Do List mixer. . . )

Miranda Culp of The Mirandaband will be lighting up torch songs.

The after-party will continue next door at the Stray Bar (309 Cortland) at 9pm with quirky cocktails and continued mingling.

BAINBRIDGE ISLAND, WASHINGTON
Place: Casa Rojas restaurant
Time: 7:00pm
Date: IQD (February 14th)

From Tom, the host: “Our island may be small, but you’ve got to be quirkyalone to live and survive here. So we’ll celebrate. Great door prizes will be given to those in attendance. The quality of the gift will be comensurate with your quirkiness. The easiest place to register is at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/IslandSingles

See you there!”

People are currently making plans for IQD in Madison; Los Angeles; and North Adams, Massachusetts in the forums. They’re also talking about how they’ll celebrate in their own inimitable, quirky ways. How do you plan to celebrate IQD? Leave a comment. . . .

To-Do List Celebrations

Oct 22, 2007 - Written by Sasha Cagen  |  Filed under: Events

My new book To-Do List: From Buying Milk to Finding a Soul Mate, What Our Lists Reveal About Us will be out Nov. 6, and November will be a month of list celebration. If you live in the Bay Area or might be swinging through, I hope you will join us and bring a list to share (and even read at the List Slam)!

TO-DO LIST LAUNCH PARTY AND SLAM
Saturday, November 10, 8 pm
Cafe Royale
San Francisco
800 Post Street (a close walk from Powell BART)

Bring a list to read as part of the list slam (think poetry slam but instead of poems we’ll read lists). This will be a fun, low-pressure event, you’ll just share your list and a bit about your state when you wrote it. Or tack up on the list shrine. There will be drinks, merriment, mingling, and signed copies of To-Do List: From Buying Milk to Finding a Soul Mate, What Our Lists Reveal About Us.

EAST BAY LIST PARTY AND SLAM

Mrs. Dalloway

Quirkyalone Talk in Santa Clara January 24

Jan 16, 2007 - Written by Sasha Cagen  |  Filed under: Events

Hey all, Please join me for a quirkyalone community event at the Santa Clara Country Library Wednesday, January 24, at 7:30 pm at the Santa Clara County Library.

There will be a short talk and q and a on the quirkyalone movement followed by socializing/mingling.

Where:
Los Altos Library & Woodland Branch Library
13 S. San Antonio Rd.
Los Altos, CA 94022
Here’s a map.

See you there!