Quirkyalone

Jane Fonda Is A Born-Again Quirkyalone

Aug 01, 2011 - Written by Sasha Cagen  |  Filed under: Movies, Personal Growth

In my book Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics, I describe the two types of quirkyalones: there are womb quirkyalones, who pretty much knew they were quirkyalone since birth, and born-again quirkyalones who have an Aha moment later in life. Read more about the two types in the book to figure out which one you are. Actress, political activist, and fitness guru Jane Fonda talks about her Aha moment as a born-again quirkyalone in the August issue of O.

“I always had a penchant for falling in love. Every time I found myself without a mate, I fell into a state of low-sizzling panic. I was so devastated by my second divorce that I had a nervous breakdown. That was when Ted[Turner, Fonda's third husband] first asked me out. But in January 2000, when Ted and I separated, something felt different.
Right after we decided to part ways, Ted flew me to Atlanta to stay at my daughter Vanessa’s house. She was in Paris, so I spent my first two weeks at her house alone. In the past, I’d always tried to stay busy to avoid hurting, but this time I knew I needed to be still for a while. So I raked leaves in her yard, read, and went for long walks. On my third day there, I was in a tiny bedroom with my golden retriever, Roxy, when suddenly it hit me: I don’t need a man to feel whole. In my marriages, I’d lost part of who I was because I was trying to mold myself into what I thought a man wanted me to be. But in that moment, I felt all those pieces flying back together. . . .
After that nine busy years passed without a relationship. I wasn’t even looking. . . .
At 73 I’m essentially shacking up–and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I recently made two movies; I’m writing; I go away by myself. I have my own life, and Richard doesn’t care that I don’t share every single aspect of it with him. I’m not losing myself in this relationship. I’m bringing myself–the real Jane–and he’s giving me his real self, too. Richard and I have an emotional intimacy I’ve never experienced before, because we’re both coming into this relationship whole. We don’t censor ourselves, or leave what we think may not be good enough outside, on the porch.”

Have you had your own born-again quirkyalone moment? Share in the comments with your fellow qas.

Quirkyalone Movie Alert: Ewan McGregor in Beginners

Jul 31, 2011 - Written by Sasha Cagen  |  Filed under: Movies

For those who ask, where are the men in the quirkyalone movement? Here’s a gorgeous, moving movie featuring a male quirkyalone lead (Ewan McGregor, beautifully vulnerable in the movie himself). Beginners weaves together two big qs: quirkyaloneness and queerness.

Oliver is 38 and has spent the last few years caring for his father who announced he was gay after Oliver’s mother died. The movie flashes back to Oliver’s childhood throughout the film. Oliver never believed his parents were really in love, and consequently never really fully believed in love for himself.

You could say it’s a fear-of-commitment story, but that would be too simple a shorthand. Oliver is afraid of slipping into a passionless domesticity driven by the model that he saw growing up. The mother figure is tragic: so bursting with life and quirkyness, but she was never going to get the passion she wanted from her husband (and she knew he was gay). I loved the scene where Ewan and his new love recognize each other as “the same”–both leavers. This is no romantic comedy with an easy resolution. We get to see Oliver and Anna in love, and at the same time, riding out hard moments, battling out their sense that “this is not the way I was supposed to feel.” And if it’s not the way it was “supposed to feel” in the moment, does that mean end it? Deliciously real. See it!

Zeitgeist | Imaginary Bitches (A Review)

Aug 28, 2009 - Written by Deborah Hymes  |  Filed under: Dating, Featured, Friendship, Movies, Pop Culture, Relationships, Single Life, Video

Choosing to remain single in a coupled world is sometimes a lonely gig, never more so than when all of your close friends are smugly cocooned in their couple-bubbles. It can make you feel like the last single person on Earth.

As once-single friends morph into couples, it often becomes irritatingly apparent that they no longer understand the challenges or  perspectives of singledom. You sometimes feel like hitting them over the head, yet you still love them and yearn for common ground to maintain your friendships. This painful conflict is played out to hilarious effect in the engaging Web series Imaginary Bitches.

Eden is the last single girl in her circle of friends, refusing to compromise her standards simply to have a boyfriend. After an amazing date with a guy she really likes, Eden calls each of her friends to share her exciting news, but they’re only interested in talking about their relationships. Increasingly dispirited with each aborted call, Eden discovers, to her astonishment, that she has conjured an imaginary friend named Catherine—a friend who’s avidly interested in discussing all the details of Eden’s date.

But Catherine proves to be less a “friend” than a total bitch, with something nasty to say about Eden and all of her real girlfriends. That’s right, Eden herself is not exempt from Catherine’s bitchiness. Furthermore, Catherine is soon joined by a second imaginary bitch named Heather. The imaginary bitches quickly establish their presence in all of Eden’s relationships, leaving her to deal with the fallout even as they help her sort out her friendships and her love life.

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Can romantic comedies wreck your love life?

Dec 22, 2008 - Written by Sasha Cagen  |  Filed under: Movies, Pop Culture

This shocking news just in: My love life may be over. Or at the least, my fantasy love life. According to a new study by researchers at the University of Edinburgh, people who frequently watch romantic comedies often have unrealistic expectations of romantic relationships and are put at a disadvantage in their relationships. 

They found fans of films such as Runaway Bride and Notting Hill often fail to communicate with their partner.

Many held the view if someone is meant to be with you, then they should know what you want without you telling them.

Psychologists at the family and personal relationships laboratory at the university studied 40 top box office hits between 1995 and 2005, and identified common themes which they believed were unrealistic. The movies included You’ve Got Mail, Maid in Manhattan, The Wedding Planner, and While You Were Sleeping.

Granted most of those movies are lame. They are not MY kind of rom com, more complicated, indie-ish movies like Something’s Gotta Give or When Harry Met Sally, that really do depict the truly circuitous paths that couples take to get together. But still, I must grudgingly and tragically agree there may be something to their findings.Two questions: How many of your ideas about relationships have been formed by watching television and movie couples? How many times have you compared a first date or a messy relationship to what you have seen in movies?If we have to limit our intake of romantic comedies, what are we supposed to watch for escapist fluff now?  I’m certainly not a fan of action movies or horror flicks. What does this leave? Indie movies about fucked-up families? Biopics?