Quirkyalone

If you live in Ireland and identify as QA, please contact Roberta Gray at rgray@tribune.ie. She’s a journalist with the Sunday Tribune and is keen to interview some Irish QAs. All British QAs should also know that a major cover story on the quirkyalone movement will be coming out in the London Guardian’s Observer magazine over the next two weeks. No exact time or place has yet been set for the London IQD gathering on Feb. 14–I think it is time for one of you to make an executive decision and send us the time and place, because after this article comes out, QA consciousness should be quite high. Another bit of UK-specific news–the book will be published on your side of the Atlantic in March; a little birdie told me that the article would include a phone number to order the book.

In defining and describing the QA state, one question keeps bobbing up: how can some QAs be incurably social yet still call themselves “alone”? Quirky, sure, but isn’t a stretch to indentify with something you are actually the opposite of? Or, as curious correspondent, directing comments towards Sasha, put it:

So, what does an attractive, successful women with a book, a USA Today feature, radio appearances (I heard you, and about you, on Invisible Ink), and a well-attended party about being alone know about solitude? Honestly, I want to know. I don’t mean to come off as an asshole. I suppose it’s just weird to me, as someone who’s never been invited to a party or been to a dance, to read about self-identified “quirkyalones” going to a party to meet other “quirkyalones.” Really, are you genuinely alone, or is this a way to get your name out there?

Since Sasha is busy clearing out her social calendar for media appearances, I thought I’d try to tackle this question (or, more likely, open it up for debate.) Judging whether or not someone is QA based on whether they are not “genuinely alone” misses the point. For starters, how would you measure it? The time people spend alone is often hidden, snatched on walks home or workday lunches. Even the most intensely social creatures could have islands of time spent solo that most people don’t know about. So don’t ass-u-me; you don’t need me to tell you what assuming does.

One of the biggest things that separates QAs from PTs (perky-togethers) is a belief that friendship is a central relationship, not a place-holder for romantic love. QAs are often marked by their intense commitment to privileging friendship, to making sure that they make room for their friends even when other parts of their life intrude. Solitude for QAs often has to be wrestled from the demands of work, hobbies, roommates, friends and all kinds of time-sucking social obligations. You can be a loner, someone who rarely goes to dances or parties, and be squarely in the QA camp but does not make you more of a QA than someone with an overloaded calendar. It just means you have no excuse for not attending (or throwing) an IQD party.

In case you missed the President’s State of the Union address last night, you didn’t miss much. In soft, cuddly, Rove-inspired language, Bush came close to endorsing a constitutional ban on gay marriage. Bush’s top marriage advisors have been busy lately; when they aren’t proposing pricey programs to encourage marriage as a solution to social ills, they are plotting ways to keep the sacred union away from those pesky “activist” judges. As every QA knows, there is no one relationship model that guarantees happiness. We would resent our friends if they passed heavy-handed judgments on the sanctity of traditional marriage on us; imagine what we feel towards the attempts of a government to pass laws on the matter.

After arduous negotiations (well, more like we sat at a table and enjoyed some Red Vines with red wine), we are pleased to announce that The Rickshaw Stop is our venue for IQD here in S.F. As a recently-opened space with high ceilings, red velvet curtains, a mezzanine level, killer dance floor and actual rickshaws strewn about, we think it’s a great place for QAs looking to mingle creatively. How fun is this party going to be? SO FUN.

Just a quick note to let you know that we at Quirkyalone HQ are feeling very positive about this upcoming February 14. We are definitely building for the biggest International Quirkyalone Day that the U.S. and the U.K. have ever seen. As of today, we’ve heard from folks in Columbia, South Carolina; Sunset, Texas; Dallas, Texas; Atlanta, Georgia; Madison, Wisconsin; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; Tucson, Arizona; South Wales, U.K. and London. These are all people interested in throwing parties. Obviously, this geographic diversity is quite amazing–we are proving with IQD 2004 that quirkyalones are indeed EVERYWHERE.

The place to go to post information on a quirkyalone party on Feb. 14 or to find out if there is already one going on is the NEW online community section of this website. It’s easy to go there and sign up. Trust me, I had never joined an online community before and I found it simple and painless.

If you are thinking about hosting a party or want to find out if there is a shindig in your area, go there.

When you decide on a venue and a time, please email me the details. We’ll post this info on the main site so local QAs can find you. You can also request a party pack for your event by emailing jennifer.johns@harpercollins.com. Cc us too at info@quirkyalone.net.

Additional note re: SF and NY: We in San Francisco are firming up the details on our party venue, and we’ll post the info this weekend. The fine quirkyalones we know in New York are doing the same. Note: if you live in NY and know of a warm, friendly, chatty bar or cafe in Brooklyn or Manhattan that would not be too expensive to rent out, please email in your suggestions.

The lovely ladies of “Sex and the City” live in world few of us recognize: endless possiblities of romantic encounters, with dates pouring out of every yoga class or cup of coffee or (for Samantha) sight of a hot young priest on a Sunday morning. In a study released by the University of Chicago, soon to be published as a book, researchers argue that single people form most bonds through social and institutional networks, not chance meetings. (Which won’t stop the hoards posting on Craig’s List Missed Connections, although I don’t know of any one who has had Desperately Seeking Susan success with those kinds of personals ads.)

Instead, the authors put forth ideas of single “markets.” As reported by the Chicago Tribune (among others ), the markets can be divided into “transactional” and “relational.” Cast in QA terms, it seems that quirkysluts would be in the transactional market, more open to meeting people in bars and parties while more traditional QAs would be more likely to find partners in relational settings, faciliated by friends.

The real news in this survey, though, is the increasing number of people choosing the single life. Edward Laumann, the project’s lead author and an expert in the sociology of sexuality, says, “On average, half your life is going to be in this single and dating state, and this is a big change from the 1950s.” As quoted in CNN: “What’s going on now is making the sexual revolution of the ’60s and ’70s pale in comparison,” says Eli Coleman, director of the Program in Human Sexuality at the University of Minnesota. We can only infer that he is referring to the QA movement.