Quirkyalone: It’s a mindset

Zeitgeist | Imaginary Bitches (A Review)

Aug 28, 2009 - Written by Deborah Hymes  |  Filed under: Dating, Friendship, Movies, Pop Culture, Relationships, Single Life, Video

Choosing to remain single in a coupled world is sometimes a lonely gig, never more so than when all of your close friends are smugly cocooned in their couple-bubbles. It can make you feel like the last single person on Earth.

As once-single friends morph into couples, it often becomes irritatingly apparent that they no longer understand the challenges or  perspectives of singledom. You sometimes feel like hitting them over the head, yet you still love them and yearn for common ground to maintain your friendships. This painful conflict is played out to hilarious effect in the engaging Web series Imaginary Bitches.

Eden is the last single girl in her circle of friends, refusing to compromise her standards simply to have a boyfriend. After an amazing date with a guy she really likes, Eden calls each of her friends to share her exciting news, but they’re only interested in talking about their relationships. Increasingly dispirited with each aborted call, Eden discovers, to her astonishment, that she has conjured an imaginary friend named Catherine—a friend who’s avidly interested in discussing all the details of Eden’s date.

But Catherine proves to be less a “friend” than a total bitch, with something nasty to say about Eden and all of her real girlfriends. That’s right, Eden herself is not exempt from Catherine’s bitchiness. Furthermore, Catherine is soon joined by a second imaginary bitch named Heather. The imaginary bitches quickly establish their presence in all of Eden’s relationships, leaving her to deal with the fallout even as they help her sort out her friendships and her love life.

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Do Single Mothers Have to Be Nuns?

Feb 08, 2009 - Written by Sasha Cagen  |  Filed under: Parenting

I always thought it was possible for a single mother to date, and even, hey, get laid, but after reading the recent New York Times Magazine story “2 Kids + 0 Husband = Family,” I started to get scared. (Not that I’m a single mother, but hey, it could happen.)

The article documents a “trend” of college-educated single mothers by choice having a “second child as the path to normalcy” rather than looking for a husband. Of course, one always wonders how deep these trends go. But the article does cite research that second births to unmarried college-educated women have increased sevenfold since 1980.

The author describes very mainstream women in high-waisted jeans in places like suburban New Jersey and Pennsylvania forming all-female communities of single mothers and children. Their communities all sound wonderfully Kate and Allie, except, how do I say this? It sounds so self-sacrificial. The (presumably heterosexual) women interviewed sound like nuns, only raising children is their religion. They’ve either lost interest in men, don’t have time or energy, or don’t want the stability of their lives to be upset by breakups.

This piece made me and another single woman friend in her thirties feel like if we have a child on our own, that’s it. Game over. Single mom quirkyalones, do single mothers really have to be nuns until their children are 18? Please share.