Quirkyalone: It’s a mindset

Do Single Mothers Have to Be Nuns?

Feb 08, 2009 - Written by Sasha Cagen  |  Filed under: Parenting

I always thought it was possible for a single mother to date, and even, hey, get laid, but after reading the recent New York Times Magazine story “2 Kids + 0 Husband = Family,” I started to get scared. (Not that I’m a single mother, but hey, it could happen.)

The article documents a “trend” of college-educated single mothers by choice having a “second child as the path to normalcy” rather than looking for a husband. Of course, one always wonders how deep these trends go. But the article does cite research that second births to unmarried college-educated women have increased sevenfold since 1980.

The author describes very mainstream women in high-waisted jeans in places like suburban New Jersey and Pennsylvania forming all-female communities of single mothers and children. Their communities all sound wonderfully Kate and Allie, except, how do I say this? It sounds so self-sacrificial. The (presumably heterosexual) women interviewed sound like nuns, only raising children is their religion. They’ve either lost interest in men, don’t have time or energy, or don’t want the stability of their lives to be upset by breakups.

This piece made me and another single woman friend in her thirties feel like if we have a child on our own, that’s it. Game over. Single mom quirkyalones, do single mothers really have to be nuns until their children are 18? Please share.